Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

[schnellfeuer]

Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Aren't you one of the Village People?

Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!

[UrbScotty]

1. Good ones!

Sure, let's get a 12-pack. ;-)

[boilerbabe]

2. guess i'm the only one who dares to reply to this!

I apparently couldn't say the alphabet backwards from m to c...should not have copped an attitude either way...M! what! get outta here!!

[stickdog]

4. Next time try to remember that

F does not come just before M.

[stickdog]

3. "But Ocifer, I swear, the car was driving itself!"

"Don't I know you from somewhere? You were in those Police Academy movies, weren't you?"

[psychopomp]

5. What the F`CK do YOU want???

Try it, it works like a charm every time (if you want to get cavity-searched)

[Robb]

6. "Hey, FASCIST!!"

..."Ever use that gun?!?"

:evilgrin:

[Nihil]

7. Yes, it's ...

... recycled but worth it :-)

---

While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e., 10 mph over the
limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun
on the other side laying in wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
to which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does
a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in
I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
behind a bridge ..."


Traffic Ticket: £95.00
Court Costs: £45.00
The Look on that Cop's Face: PRICELESS!!!

---

[TXlib]

8. What not to say to a SOUTHERN state trooper

Senior year of college, my buddies rented a car and drove to Disney World. One was from Massachussetts, one was from Rhode Island, and two were from upstate New York.

They had gotten as far as Atlanta, Georgia, and were on the very route used by Sherman and his Union troops in the Civil War, during which Sherman burned everything he encountered. So the Georgians are still a little bit sore about that.

Anyway, they got pulled over by a caracature of a Georgia motorcycle cop. He had the boots with spurs. He had the mirrored sunglasses, and 10-lb belt buckle. He had the .45-hand cannon, holster unbuttoned, hand on the butt of his weapon.

He saunters up to the window; the two New Yorkers were up front. The cop says, "Now I don't care how you boys drive Up North, but nobody goes through Georgia that fast."

The kid from Massachussetts in the back mumbled, "Sherman sure did!"

They spent the night in jail.