If I were President I would DEMAND personal pan pizzas at 3:00 AM

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

...with MY choice of topping. Hot and fresh, with little or no advance notice. I'd have the Secret Service gently wake the master chef, and he'd be up ALL night, spinnin' those doughy circles of wonder HIGH in the air for my amusement. I'd make him hand-slice the pepperoni for that "personal touch." Fresh cheese and tomatoes, nothing out of a can. Basil and oregano picked from the herb garden on my Presidential window sill.

I'd have closed-circuit monitors installed at the front gates of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and tourists and passers-by could gaze at me eatin' a super slice and washin' it down with a cool, foamy, frosty mug of brew from my personal Presidential keg. I'd have those good, heavy, fat-handled mugs always available in the freezer. To hell with that "drinking it straight from the bottle" business. I'm the President, my beer comes from a KEG, and it goes in one of those frosty MUGS. Case closed.

Little school kids from all over the world would gather at the monitor and say "Hey, LOOK! It's the President, and he's havin' pizza and beer!" And their teachers would say "That's right, it IS the President," and they would hold hands and form a circle and sing "God Bless America."

I'd thank the chef and tell him he made the best pizzas in the world and then I'd be like Elvis. I'd ask him how things were going and if he needed anything and when he told me I'd make it happen, no matter how big or small, and all I'd want in return would be more pizzas and his promise to help someone else in need some day, if he could.

That would pretty much be my entire agenda. Personal pan pizzas, and lots of them.

Oh yeah, one other thing. Eighteen year olds would be marrying their sweethearts and making babies and getting good jobs and living the American Dream with the support and encouragement of their government, instead of dying in an immoral and unconscionable war.

I wouldn't threaten to make laws and push through amendments whose only reason for existence was to prevent people from being happy in this brief life.

Old people wouldn't have to be afraid of getting old anymore, because one way or another, there would always be someone there to take care of them. There would always be medicine and medical care if they needed it.

I wouldn't promote people in my cabinet simply because they gave good head, and I wouldn't fire them simply because they didn't.

I'd remember that the only reason why we're not all sitting in England having afternoon tea is that a few loudmouthed, passionate bastards and rabble-rousers decided that they wanted to believe in WHAT THEY WANTED TO BELIEVE IN, and they wanted to do it WITHOUT a monarch, so they got on a boat and went to a place where they could make that happen.

And if I got on that boat and went to that place and there were people already there when I arrived, I wouldn't screw with them or kill them or take their land. I'd ask them if I could stay and live in freedom and if they said yes I would love and respect them as I did my own family.

Yep, all those things, and PLENTY of hot 'n' fresh pan pizza...if I were president.

Happy New Year, folks.

:toast:

[lcordero]

1. If I were President I would have a Presidential harem

:evilgrin:

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

2. Hey, there's no reason you can't have pizza AND a harem.

:evilgrin:

[tridim]

3. I had homemade pizza tonight.

But I had to make it myself. Black and Green olive.. It was to die for.

[NightTrain]

4. Fer chrissake, don't give Bush any ideas!

He's a big enough megalomaniac* as it is!


*Lurking freepers may look this word up at www.m-w.com

[Tsiyu]

5. The vision of the Prez quaffing Draft and Pie

is like, THE image of America.

Expect to see Rove steal the idea. Except * won't be able to pull it off. He'll burn the roof of his mouth and have to retire to Crawford for three weeks.

If I was the Prez, I would gather up the poorest and hold meetings on ways to make their lives mean something. I would spend day and night making life better for Americans.

I would have nightly jam sessions with all the best musicians and songwriters and brainstorm with the best minds, even if they disagreed with me.

I would remember I was just another American