Well, I've struck out again.

[NightTrain]

I recently met this woman who saw my bumper stickers and flipped over them. We had several excellent conversations (mostly on the phone), and I finally suggested that we get together some time. She liked the idea and suggested tomorrow night. But I just got this e-mail from her:

<<I'm going to have to cancel for thurs. evening. I truly apologise, but when I informed my Fiance last night, he reminded me that we have a prior engagement in Groton to see his Son perform on the trumpet for a holiday show.>>

This was the first time she had used the "F" word on me. I had no idea the woman was engaged!

*sigh* Back to Square One.... :(

[babylonsister]

1. Then she wasn't worth your time, NT.

[Timebound]

2. *pat pat*

It'll be okay. :( I'm sorry it didn't work out.

[demnan]

3. Oh, dear

Don't put your heart into any casual gathering for a meal or dinner. I've done the same and it's so heart-breaking! When you do go out with someone who is attracted by your intellect, be sure to guard your emotions. My best wishes to you, my child, as a fat middle-aged single lonely lady!

[AlCzervik]

4. She's not worthy of you, she wanted some attention

and she got it and she shuld have said something about her fiance. I suspect her motives.

[Misunderestimator]

16. Me too...

[AlCzervik]

19. I have a picture of her in my mind already

i bet you do to becasue we all know or knew a woman like this at one time or another.

[CTLawGuy]

5. can you say Ohhhhblivious...

I knew you could...

[NightTrain]

11. I hope you're talking about her and not about me.

For the record: the woman's let ring finger is devoid of jewelry, so I assumed she was available.

[AlCzervik]

15. Maybe she likes it that way, makes her seem available.

[NightTrain]

37. Can you say, "pompous and condescending?"

I knew you could!

[supernova]

6. That's terrible

So sorry NT. She has a Fiancee :wtf:

You deserve much better.

[Xipe Totec]

7. You dodged a bullet. Cheer up.

Man, talk about a catastrophe in the making!

[NightTrain]

14. Actually, that occurred to me.

What if I had gone out with her a few times, only to find out THEN that she was engaged? :scared:

[HEyHEY]

8. Crazy woman stay away!

[CornField]

9. Well, that royally sucks

So sorry. :hug:

[secedeeconomically]

10. I have an idea for a new bumper sticker

"Honk if you have a Fiance who has a prior engagement in Groton to see his Son perform on the trumpet for a holiday show"


lolol

[Richardo]

39. OK that's hilarious...

...and sorry, NightTrain... :pals:

[WindRavenX]

12. Wow. WTF.

Sorry she kept THAT rather CRUCIAL bit of information quiet...

[Deja Q]

13. What a sleazy player.

Yes, sleazy. Far more sleazy than those who go all the way. Mind games are despicable.

[NightTrain]

17. I have this harrowing talent for hooking up with manipulative women.

And it's getting goddamned tiresome!

[liberalhistorian]

26. AHEM!

I sure hope you're not including little 'ol me in that statement! I'm truly sorry, Dean. I know what a disappointment this must be, especially after our own history. You do deserve better than this woman, though, and she should have been honest with you from the start. You really did dodge a bullet, I hope you realize that.

[NightTrain]

27. No, no, no! Not you.

I was actually thinking of the three women who preceded you.

Sorry, guess I should've been more clear about that.

[liberalhistorian]

30. Oh, good,

glad to hear it! Here's a cyberhug, for what it's worth. :hug:

[Sparkle]

31. Now wait a minute.

This is the second time I have read on DU that some of you guys have been hooking up with each other. Do we have a DU Dating group or something? Or do ya just follow someone around the different threads and getting up the nerve to ask for a phone number?:-)

[liberalhistorian]

32. Well, it usually starts with

someone PMing another DUer they like and whom they know or believe to be single. Then it goes from there! Personally, I think we should have a singles group, but then I'm not in charge of the website so it's not up to me.

[sendero]

33. Start one :)

Really, it is not hard to set up a 'forum' discussion board, and you can get the software free. The only costs are the hosting fees, which can get to be some real $$ if you have thousands of people yakking it up there, but if you ever did get that many people you could probably get some of them to donate $10 a quarter to keep it running.

But really, you could set up a board and just put something like "demo singles www.demsingles.com" in your signature line.

I'm making this suggestion because I'm married to an incredible woman that I met online :)

[Amaya]

18. That's messed up

I can't stand it when people are dishonest about shit like that. You deserve better NT!

[yardwork]

20. Sorry that happened to you NT - it's not your fault

She's manipulative. She sounds self-centered and needy.

I predict that she will be back. She'll attempt to "make it up to you." If you let her, she'll tell you a sad story about how her fiance is "really not right" for her, but she's sort of stuck for now.

Do not take the bait! Back away slowly and firmly.

I know women like this. They will take and take and take and when they've drained your empathy and attention and possibly your wallet dry, they'll discard you like a spider abandoning the dry empty carcass of its latest meal.

There are plenty of wonderful women in the world who would love to meet somebody as witty, clever, and well-informed as you. Hold out for them.

/advice off from middle-aged long-time married lady

[NightTrain]

21. My god, you've just described one of my old girlfriends!

Thankfully, it'll soon be 10 years since I last set eyes on that piece of work.

[enigmatic]

22. Fiancee???????

You're better off w/o her. People playing games like that are worthless in my mind.

[demnan]

23. You know

a lot of posters had assumed this woman made advances toward you or let you know she was available. Was that really the case? I have often wanted to talk to people as friends if we shared a common interest. Why would you ultimately assume it's a date? You must guard your emotions - I know the hormones you can't control - but ?
There are many people in your life that you will be sexually and intellectually attracted to - this doesn't necessarily mean emotionally.

Have a good time. You are obviously an attractive interesting person. Don't assume every person who would enjoy having a dinner or a cup of coffee with you would be an emotional fit. And please, don't take that to heart!

[Kat45]

44. I agree with demnan.

She may not have been being manipulative; she may have just been happy to meet a like-minded person and enjoyed talking to you--with not even a thought of it being a "date" because her head is not in the mode of looking for someone. But since you'd like to meet someone, your head IS in that mode and you were thinking in terms of a date. I'm a single woman and I often find myself in the same mindset as you: I'm immediately thinking 'potential relationship' and that thought hasn't even crossed the guy's mind. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not 18 any more (far from it) and everyone is NOT looking to meet someone. It's too easy for me to think that someone who is friendly is interested in me, and it's usually not true. Ironically, when someone IS interested in me, I'm often clueless. :shrug:

[fryguy]

24. no chance to be the "cheatin" spoon

plent-o-fish in the sea my friend......

[NightTrain]

25. Oh, I know there are plenty of fish in the sea.

But none of them seem to want my worm! :evilgrin:

[progmom]

28. Night Train

Don't fret.
You're fantastic. And special. You will find someone worthy of you. And she will be one lucky woman.

:hug:

[Sparkle]

29. How rude!

To be all nice like that and arrange to meet and all of a sudden spring that on you. Sorry about that.

[BTFSTL]

34. That does suck big-time

And I'm the kind of guy who would give most anything for a relationship right now (I'm 44, still on the market and have yet to even experience a steady relationship).

I've tried everything I can think of (I'm on eHarmony right now, don't know how that's going to work out) but I'm generally stuck without anyone special in my life. I know I've got some good qualities but women (in general, at least in my experience) seem to want some sort of moran, frat-boy jackass or something.

I'm tired of going to bed alone, of coming home to an empty apartment, of going out and trying to meet folks only to be turned away, rebuffed or even laughed at. It's frustrating and I'll admit sometimes I feel more than a bit bitter about it. It's like something's haunting me and I can't get rid of it.

Any advice or other ideas are welcome, of course.

Hang in there. I think guys like you and me deserve far better than what we're getting right now.

[NightTrain]

38. I know how you feel, bud.

I swear, there must be something about me that repels women. But I'm damned if I know what it is, and no one has ever offered to tell me.

[RagingInMiami]

35. Forgive me for being crude

But she's a bitch for leading you on. She's not stupid. She knew what your attentions were and she chose not to mention that we was already engaged.
Let her fiance deal with her manipulative manner.
Back to square one might suck (believe me, I know), but you don't want to get to square three and realize she's not whom you thought she was.

[Parrcrow]

36. Better to find out that way NT

you'll find her, enjoy the search.

[Cuban_Liberal]

40. 'Fiancee' has two e's.

Sorry, bro. She was a bad speller, so you're better off... (j/k)

:hug:

[NightTrain]

41. Actually, when the fiance a male, you spell it with just one "e."

I didn't know that myself until a few years ago. :hi:

[Cuban_Liberal]

42. Ya learn something every day.

:hi:

[NC_Nurse]

43. I'm sorry NightTrain...

that sucks.

I just happened to have come from the "hard liquor" thread where you were upset about alcoholics and shared the thread where you discussed your dad. At the risk of pissing you off, I'd like to suggest that you look into your own issues from a childhood that sounds pretty tough. Let me first say that I am also the child of an alcoholic (mother). Often the other parent becomes manipulative and controlling in an alcoholic situation, which could explain you picking this type of woman.

I recommend Harville Hendrix's books...I think the one for singles is called "Keepig the Love You Find" and it helps you to see your reasons for choosing certain people and how to make relationships work.

Only a suggestion...it helped me. :)