I pick up the phone and it is the anoka county sheriff's department

[koopie57]

wanting to know where my son was. I said he was at a sleepover at Tyler's house. Ah...no mam ... he was in the backseat of his car with Katlin at the Coon Rapids Park.

These two kids made up a story about sleepovers, went out to subway, drove around and then were going to spend the night together. Three cop cars showed up and these two kids were so damn scared I didn't have the heart to give them more grief.

How do I deal with this? No drugs or drinking were involved, just a couple of subway sandwiches and a soda. They lied but they were fully dressed when the cops showed up. They are both too scared to go past kissing and hickeys. Her folks tore them each new ones and wanted to know if they were doing drugs etc.

I'm glad they got caught, but I'm not furious. Should I be? They both are pretty shaken up. I don't think they need anymore bitching. What should I do?

on edit...thank you for all your thoughts. I feel like I'm on the right track now...talking to them about protection, not freaking out....some sort of punishment for lieing....understanding .... DU people understand reality.

[CanuckAmok]

1. Talk about contraception.

Once the shock wears off, they'll try it again. Just be sure they're properly prepared for the night they *don't* get caught.

One non-parent's (but former teenager's) opinion.

[RummyTheDummy]

2. Ahhhh young love/lust

Make sure he knows about safe sex. And if they were planning on spending the night out there, I can assure you the thought of going beyonds hickeys had definately entered their minds. Would they? Who knows. TOo many variables. But you never know. If your son really wants to be sexually active, I hate to break it to you but there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

Good luck to you. This is the kind of thing that makes me not want to have kids.

[shraby]

3. That's when you "ground" the kid for

a week or whatever amount of time you think is proper. That means they have to stay home. School only..no friends over.

[Dookus]

4. How old are they?

[koopie57]

7. they are 16

and maybe you folks are right. I think I will have to talk to him about birth control even though I can't imagine he would do that. You probably are thinking more clearly. Should I get him some protection to have on hand? Or should his dad do that with him? I'm upset at myself for not being more angry. I'm concerned and I know they were scared. I should be more angry I think.

[TaleWgnDg]

16. Lemme be brutally honest . . . if the young girl gets pregnant,

then your son may be tied to child support payments for eighteen years . . . or worse, b/c in some states the obligor (person who pays child support) must pay for college ed too and there are other exceptions, too, to lengthen the years to more than 18.

Birth control education is necessary in America today, as the kids have sex younger and younger. This nonsense about "it'll never happen to my kid or "abstinence," is stupid. Stupid for two valid reasons: (1) condoms help avoid sexually transmitted diseases (STD) including AIDS, and (2) condoms help avoid pregnancy.

Sorry to be so damn blunt. But there it is. You have been extremely fortunate up to now that your 16 y.o. son hasn't impregnated a female.


edited to add: Oh, yeah, and one more thing. How do you know that any girl that he may have sex with . . . is over the age of statutory rape in your jurisdiction (state or territory)? Seriously. How the hell does ANY parent know what the age of the girl is? Thus, if the female is under the cut-off age for statutory rape in your jurisdiction, then the male (your son) may be open for criminal rape charges. He's well over the age for a parent-to-child talking-to . . . very much well over that age. Again, I apologize for being so damn blunt.


.

[SoCalDem]

18. Believe that he WILL.. he cannot help it.. He's a teenager..

What I told my 3 boys when they were teens.

Sex is GREAT..BUT...and it's a HUGE BUT

1. Sex creates babies.. Babies mean child support for 18+ years to a woman that you probably would not look twice at a few years down the line.. Child support EVERY month..right off the top of your paycheck..paid for a kid that you may rarely see, and who might hate you because "you are not there".....

2. Sex can give you a disease that will KILL you (not now..but you could go years without even knowing you were infected, and by then you might have met the love of your life, and perhaps given it to HER too..)

3. Sex with a girl who is hopelessly in love with you (and you just kind of like her) is unbearably cruel, and makes you out to be a bad person..

4. Sex with a girl you really like, instantly changes the relationship. From that moment on, you are HER guy (whether or not you want to be) young girls can be very clingy ..

I said more, but those were the high points.. It must have worked because they are now 31(yesterday),married..no kids....26 (not married), no kids...and the baby is 25(engaged), no kids..

[RummyTheDummy]

19. Ugh.....No. 3 hits close to home

Had a summer fling with a girl once. She was way more in to me than I was to her. I still feel bad about it, but only because I'm a few years older, married and more aware of how your actions can CRUSH others.

[Book Lover]

5. I'd go the somber, disappointed route

and give him the "You lied to me, how can I trust you again?" talk. And I heartily second and third the recommendations to talk to your son about safer sex and contraception. Glad to know the sherrifs are doing their jobs (no sarcasm!).

[DCdem87]

6. Well...

I guess i can get over the fact that this has nothing to do with anything on DU and give you the advise you need...LoL

That whole being glad about them getting caught thing seems a tad bit conservative to me (no harm meant). I think you should tell them to be safe should they decide to take it further and just be responsible about the situations they put themselves in. Teenagers do and should be able to experiment and, though that may gross you out, its gonna happen. You just have to overcome the "child complex" idea of it and understand that your kid is just like any other teenager and probably wants to do things. Let him, but once again, tell him to be responsible about the situation. Oh, and coming from your kids viewpoint myself, try not to be very parent-ish about it...just be non chalant and be done with it. That is unless he should want a more involved conversation on your part.

[rodeodance]

10. would you tell your parents the first time that you and lover were

going to "do it" come on!! In truth--it was a "sleepover" with something on the side.

[koopie57]

11. I don't think I'm a conservative parent

one day the term "blow job" came up (he has an older sister) and he looked confused and didn't understand. I explained it to him cuz I didn't want him to be made fun for not knowing what it meant or to be told something not true. And one day my daughter asked me if I ever masterbated. I admit I got drunk later that day, but I answered her question honestly and clearly.

[warrens]

8. Are you freaking kidding?

This is how kids learn. I am sorry, but I have a daughter and I would NEVER humiliate her if she got caught with a boy. I hate this crap. Boys and girls are going to get together and denying just makes it stupid. They had a sandwich and kissed. WOO-HOO. I have noticed in my life that the happiest women are the ones unrepressed about sex. So although I might have to "scrinch" a bit, I want my daughter to be happy.

[ReadTomPaine]

15. I agree.

[huellewig]

9. I wouldn't worry about it.

When I was 17 my girlfriend lied to her parents so she could sleep over at my house. We slept in the same bed two+ nights per week and it took us six months to have sex.

Your son might be more of a horn-dog then I was, but 3 pm works just as well as 3 am. Just make sure he knows about protection. And it might not hurt to provide it for him. Luckily my girlfriend had some our first time. I was too embarrassed to buy any.

[lazarus]

12. You have to pretend to be upset

But I was out sleeping with my girlfriend when I was 15.

Of course, we didn't do the lying about sleepovers part, we just lied about actually going to a movie or something.

Being shaken up by the cops is probably the best thing that could happen. They'll be more careful in the future, and this is a great opportunity to reinforce the birth control lessons.

But if you don't at least pretend to be somewhat upset, they'll figure something's up, because parents are supposed to not remember that teens have sex.

I'd ground him for lying, though. And for being careless.

[koopie57]

13. I'm not grounding him

but he will have to get a haircut and do some laundry.

[Guaranteed]

14. Sounds pretty normal. Kids go out and explore.

You're actually pretty lucky that they weren't doing any that dangerous.

But, yeah, I think you need to be very stern with them.

[huellewig]

17. Be careful with the stern thing.

I had the if I am going to be punished for something I didn't do I might as well do it attitude.