Advice to anyone planning on moving down south...

[MazeRat7]

In the event any of you plan to move down this way to help us with our redneck infestation, here are some tips you should remember....

Hope this helps *grin

MZr7


1. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean
Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a
tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just
stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

3. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already
know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're
better off trying to find it yourself.

4. Remember Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's
is plural possessive.

5. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

6. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you, either.

7. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will
ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.

8. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those
who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a
Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was
already turned on when the car was purchased.

9. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required
at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need
anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed
to do.

10. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you
purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house.
This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost
considerably more than the house, and should, therefore, be
prominently displayed.

11. Be advised that in the South, 'He needed killin!', is a valid
defense.

[ugarte]

1. About as funny as the Confederate flag

Southerners don't amuse like they used to.

[johnnie]

5. I thought they were funny

Uptight?

[fudge stripe cookays]

8. I thought it was funny.

And I've lived in Texas for 34 years.

PS- Don't forget to learn to say "fixin to!"

FSC

[Pallas180]

2. LOL. Thanks.

.

[NewInNewJ.]

3. You did that perfect.

just moved from Tennessee.

[Racenut20]

4. Also

If you are looking for a postive answer to a question, "spek" , "mite" , and "spose" is as close as you are going to get. Unless of course, you are talking to a transplanted Yankee. Then you will have to listen to a full discourse about how wonderful New Yoooooook is, and how bad everyplace else is, as you fight down the urge to buy them a one way busticket to Queens.

[MazeRat7]

7. You left out "recken" and 'yup" *grin

[Robeson]

6. Also remember in the South...

...that a hot dog, is called a hot dog, not "hots". And a Coke is called a Coke, not "pop".

[Bake]

15. Actually, "Coke" refers to EVERY carbonated soft drink.

As in, Y'all wanna go get a coke?

Bake

[Robeson]

16. Right.

Also, that sentence would make a great cross training reference for Souterners moving North!

Southern version: Y'all wanna go get a coke?

Northern version: C'mon yooous guys, lets grab a pop!

See how it works?

[NV Whino]

17. It's Co' Cola n/t

[the Princess]

9. And Be prepared to be called a Yankee

No matter what part of the country you are from.

LOL

One of my closest friends lives in Texas and he calls everyone a Yankee at some point. LOL I think it's pretty funny.

[MazeRat7]

10. Yup, I'll call my neighbor a yankee just for shits and giggles....

He hates it when I do that... *grin.

MZr7

[AverageJoe]

11. 12. Be advised that we don't much like being made fun of

But then, who does?

[HereSince1628]

12. All references to "other" places will be seen as unwillingness

to adapt to southern culture.

My advice is to find work that allows you to stay up late. Then you can DX high wattage AM radio stations and thus give you the illusion that your daytime life is a dream and your late nights linked to civilized places in Azuremerica is what is real.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

13. Here in Texas

we consider people from Oklahoma to be Yankees.

Best piece of advice: don't move here. Be glad you live in a state with people who haven't all lost their ever-lovin' minds.

Yes I'm still bitter.

[MazeRat7]

14. LMAO... Aint it the truth... Oh BTW.. Hello from Austin.

[LDS Jock]

18. making fun of the south and of southerners never gets old

even after thread after thread after thread of posts similar to this one. Remember when we used to make fun of republicans instead of each other?

[Texasgal]

19. Ummmm...yes, it does get old!

Some of us are resentful of all the shitty south bashing!

[LDS Jock]

20. I'm tried of it too.. I meant my post as sarcasm

hey Texasgal :hi: A little of this stuff I can take. This has gone well beyond a little teasing to outright bashing.