Canadians: What's your best "American" joke?

[Goathead]

Let us have it!

[ilovenicepeople]

1. GOD BET'S AMERICA!!!!

[awgoodkitty]

2. I'm not Canadian, but...

my vote for best (read: worst) American joke is...


George W. Bush.

[truthseeker1]

3. That's not a joke, that's a curse and a nightmare!

[ghostsofgiants]

7. That's what I was going to say.

[kitkatrose]

20. I'm still waiting for

Ashton Kutcher to come in and say "America, you've been punked!!" :(

[glarius]

4. I guess what every Canadian has heard of is

the American who comes to the Candian border expecting to go skiing in the summer!...:D

[da_chimperor]

16. Can't you go skiing at whistler in the summer?

They do have a glacier after all . . . :D

[nine23]

5. Today's favourite:

Dick Cheney and George Bush are in an elevator. Dick sticks his nose up in the air and starts sniffing around, like he smells something.

Dick asks George: "Did you just fart?" George replies: "Was I supposed to?"


Why is this thread for Canadians only? These guys are a joke throughout the free world.

[Goathead]

9. dupe

sorry, I just woke up

[Goathead]

10. Americans don't know the meaning of self-deprecating humor

[underpants]

19. LOL

That's the best so far

[Dogmudgeon]

6. Here is mine

I'm an American, but I'm practicing in case I have to leave the USA in more of a hurry than I'd like.

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
Bilingual

What do you call someone who speaks three or more languages?
Polyglot.

What do you call someone who speaks only one language?
American.

So, can I immigrate now?

--bkl

[redqueen]

12. Awww

I was gonna tell that one, even though I'm an American.

Pfft... don't know the meaning of self-deprecating humor.

[Dogmudgeon]

21. Well, I also speak Esperanto

Imagine the hell that was my passage through adolescence!

--bkl

[no name no slogan]

24. Nu Canto En Esperanto?

Have you ever used it outside of an Esperanto gathering? Just curious-- the concept of the language is intriguing, and plays right into the "one world government" fears of right-wing wackos, which means it's a great idea. :)

[Dogmudgeon]

25. There's a lot of Esperantists on the Internet

There's a lot of stuff to read, too, and Esperanto is one of the major literary languages, believe it or not (I think it was #14 on a list the Modern Language Association published in the 70s).

The internet was the best thing to ever happen to Esperanto, since so many people are using it. It's very easy to pick up, and can be easily translated with a brief grammar guide and a small dictionary.

Some people don't like it because it draws so heavily from Latin and French, but it's usable and takes a lot less effort than the national languages. Something like Lojban or Volapük (both of which I speak a little of) may be preferable on esthetic grounds, but there's been a lot of Esperanting going on since 1887.

Se vi deziras lerni pli pri Esperanto je la Tutmonda Retaro, iru: www.esperanto.org

--bkl

[YellowRubberDuckie]

14. I never really thought of that way before...

...but that is so true.
God I wish they would have been teaching spanish or something when I was in elementary school. I'm taking Spanish right now and I'm lost. Apparently my little language switch didn't just switch off when I was nine. It broke.
Duckie

[AmericanErrorist]

8. I always liked the one

about the bigot who goes to Canada and discovers that it's more multi-cultural than he/she orignally thought...

But I'm not Canadian.

[HEyHEY]

11. When god created the earth.....

He said to his helpers "Look at this creation! it is awesome, and it is all ballanced!"

One of his helpers says

"Oh what's that place?"

God says "That's Canada, it's the greatest place on Earth, it has healthcare, great hockey, good beer, and wonderful friendly people."

His helper says, :"But I thought you said it was balanced? What's bad about Canada."

God replied

"Wait until you see the assholes I'm putting next to them"

[redqueen]

13. hehehehe

Love that one. :)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

15. That's Great.

Would you welcome me in Canada? I've always wondered that. Hmmm...I love canadians by the way. And I have good manners. I think I'd fit in well.
Duckie

[HEyHEY]

18. Natch!

[Goathead]

17. That is the best

LMAO!

[northzax]

22. my little shout out to the canucks...

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American."

"Then", asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

[northzax]

23. and one more

A family moved from the US to Canada. Johnnie started school at the new location, in grade 3.

One day the teacher asked individual students to count to 50. Many of them did very well, some getting as high as 37. But Johnnie did extremely well; he made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes. At home he told his Dad how well he had done. Dad told him, "That's because you are an American, son".

Next day, in "language", the teacher asked students to recite the alphabet. Some made it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie outdid them again. He made it all the way through, missing only the letter "m". That evening he once again brought his Dad up to date and Dad explained to him, "That's because you are an American"

Next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnnie noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well - endowed". This confused him. He told his Dad, that night, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm and American??"

"No, son," explained Dad, "that's because you're 18!"

[Pert_UK]

26. George W Bush goes to see the Queen of England.....

OK, so I'm British - basically Canadian but with smaller mooses (meece?) and worse teeth....

"George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says: "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

The Queen replies "I'm sorry Mr. Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?"

To which the Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr. Bush".

Bush thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?"

The Queen, getting a little annoyed by now, replies "Sorry again, Mr. Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before George Bush could utter another word, the Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country." "

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0001088.html