Kerry to Govern in French, Change National Language

[A-Schwarzenegger]

BREAKING...

Some voters have received phone calls falsely claiming that Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry would speak only French during his Presidency, Kerry's campaign said Monday.

Both Kerry and his running mate, Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina, declared that they would not speak French in any official capacity as President and Vice-President. Edwards added that he does not even speak any French whatsoever, except an occasional joking "Mais oui" after he has had a couple glasses of wine.

In a recording of a phone call played for The Associated Press, a young woman says: "When you vote this Tuesday remember to endorse French as the national language of America, by supporting John Kerry. French is the prettiest language of all, and Kerry will make us all speak it. It's a basic Democrat principle. It's time to move forward and be progressive. Without John Kerry, George Bush will speak English, or a facsimile. Stop the English language. That's why we need Kerry. So Tuesday, stand up for French by supporting John Kerry."

[klook]

1. That's right!

We're banning Friday night high school football too!!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

20. And replacing it with Friday night windsurfing.

[Sweet_Montreal]

35. Bush est un con

[A-Schwarzenegger]

38. They make you speak French up there, don't they?

[Huckebein the Raven]

83. exactement.

:hi:

[Jack from Charlotte]

50. Yea,. but what language will the AWOL/moron use to govern?

We know it's not English.

[Huckebein the Raven]

82. and professional wrestling and suv's

apprently.

Vive la France !!!

[txindy]

2. That's either true desperation, deep-seated idiocy, or great satire.

I vote for either of the first two. ;)

[Oreo]

3. it wouldn't surprise me

If they started calling Edwards a drunk after the Mais Oui statement. They're just that stupid!

[Warren DeMontague]

4. ...or a facsimile

uh huh.

Doesn't this shit make any of these undecided voters wonder why the president has absolutely nothing to actually run on?

[Christiandem]

5. Excellent!!

We can finally become a bilingual country!

[Dogmudgeon]

18. Bilingual?

French, and what other language?

--bkl

[A-Schwarzenegger]

22. Canadian.

[nickgutierrez]

77. Mexican.

[onehandle]

6. Excellent! Freedom Fries for Everyone!! nt

[Clinton Crusader]

7. and windsurfing will be an Olympic sport...

:eyes:

[RuleofLaw]

14. It is!

Windsurfing has been an Olympic sport since 1988. Became an Olympic sport for women in 1992. I should know. I was there competing in 1992 and 1996!

[Clinton Crusader]

17. WTF? You're KIDDING?!

I had NO idea.....wow.

[kilaana]

31. Windsurfing

Hey danishcylcle,

As an Olympic windsurfer, doesn't all the negative spin that the press has been putting on Kerry's windsurfing annoy you? If people only knew how fun (and challenging!) it is, they wouldn't dis it so much!

Je croix que Monsieur LeBush est un cochon!!

- kilana (self proclaimed president of the French-speaking Windsurfers for Kerry Fan Club!)

[Olivier]

59. Windsurfing?

What is the relation between windsurfing and French?
I can't understand.

[sui generis]

8. r-u serious?

did someone really call and leave messages like that?

if so, then freepers are so bigoted and stupid it's astonishing they survived to adulthood.

[nickinSTL]

9. Bien!

Does anyone actually believe this crap?

[Algorem]

10. Will proclaim ketchup a vegetable.

Sorry,"vegetal".

[txindy]

26. Reagan already did that. Ketchup counted as a veg. in school lunches.

Unbelievable, but true.

[MsTryska]

11. Bien Sur!

Vive la France, et la Langue du Francaise! C'est la Langue du Liberte, Egalite et Fraternite! Vive la Revolucion!

[CatWoman]

12. SACRE BLEU!!!!

:D

[gottaB]

57. took the words right out of my mouth

:)

[demnan]

13. Does that mean

California will actually start making some wines that taste good?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

28. Red Mountain was pretty damn good.

Or should I say, Rouge Montagne.

[rlev1223]

15. et alors?

Ca me conviens!

[GiovanniC]

16. Merde... I Thought This Was an Onion Headline

[ThoughtCriminal]

19. Caller ID please!

Almost exact same language ("Democrat" principle) as the gay marriage tape. Pretty lame, amateur.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

25. Obviously coming from the same idiot wacko group.

But you know it might affect some people who are
scared of learning a new language. But you know, it
is a pretty language.

[aquart]

21. In what state?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

23. The state of confusion

if they think they can get away with it.
What can we do about this? Il est outrageous!

[doni_georgia]

24. Incroyable! Ces personnes sont des idiots!

ROFL!

[realcountrymusic]

27. non, monsieur

He will govern in Arabic, and Osama will be secretary of state. Gays will be marrying all over the place. And NO ONE WILL HAVE A DAMN GUN.

Heinz ketchup with your french fries sir? Blue (bleu) cheese dressing with that Belgian Endive?

Fucking thugs. Watch as a decorated veteran turns his swiftboat right into your position and takes the beachhead.

Damn I am STOKED

RCM

[Kimber Scott]

29. These must be the same people calling to say vote for Kerry so we can

have gay marriage - in a conservative state.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

32. They should have done the whole message in French

but I guess then only people who didn't speak French
wouldn't understand it.

[alexisfree]

30. ILL be more than glad....

if my kids can learn a third language!!!

[durablend]

33. DAMN RIGHT!

U freepers are goona lern sumthin when were threw with you

:evilgrin:

[delete_bush]

34. looks like the repukes wasted a lot of

money on German language tapes.

[Olivier]

36. Champagne !

At least, I'll be able to understand what is said here without having to use my dictionary!

Vive Kerry! Vive l'Amérique Francophone! Ridiculous.

However, what I dislike the most is to realize France is the bogeyman of the American right wing.
Becoming the new leader of the axis of Evil doesn't make me feel comfortable :(

Anyway I already bought a bottle of Champagne to celebrate the Kerry's victory tomorrow! :toast:

---
Olivier, From France

[Kber]

37. As opposed to the Bush gang trying to institute German as our

fatherland's official language?

[PatriotGames]

39. Now that's what I call desperation! LOL

[A-Schwarzenegger]

42. How is it desperation

to want to tell people what might happen if
a certain French-speaking candidate gets elected?
Even if he doesnt try to change it officially, he
could influence things by speaking it all the time.
Remember, Kennedy set off the plaid vest fad, and
Carter started the peanuts explosion. Many countries
have changed their language, and if he's in there
for eight years he'll have a lot of time to start
getting French in there under the door.

[CAcyclist]

78. and don't forget the trouble we had with jelly bellies

Just can't go through that again

[A-Schwarzenegger]

80. Two words:

crois sants.

[n2mark]

40. Don't forget

the Polish, Polish will be the second language and English wil be banned!

[jmowreader]

72. A Polish language course

http://grzegorj.w.interia.pl/kurs/0.html

(Don't ask me how I found this...)

[A-Schwarzenegger]

73. How did you find that?

Or, Quelque vous discoverer ca?

[jmowreader]

81. I was looking for a Polish keyboard layout on the Internet

All I was gonna do was post a picture of a Polish keyboard--for some reason, I thought that was a good idea. I went to a link that I'd googled up and there was a link to this guy's online Polish language course.

[Iris]

41. Mon Dieu! Le monde va etre les chiens!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

45. You see? The mountain ate the chains?

You may be kidding around for all I know,
but this is how it starts. Although I must say,
I'm not surprised that so many Democrat DUers,
as evidenced by this thread, speak French. I'm
telling you, this is how it starts.

[Iris]

46. My God! The world is going to the dogs!

Sorry if being educated (and that comes from a couple of years of high school French and a few quarters in college) is so awful.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

47. Of course speaking French is only the start of it.

Do you want the country to turn into a bunch of cafes
with everybody sitting around with their legs crossed
eating bread and looking snooty and discussing Camus
and pretending they don't know what you're talking
about when you ask them what the hell time it is? I'm
just saying.

[Iris]

49. Hey. I'm not like the Republicans. This ain't no "I've got

my (education) and I don't care how you get yours!" deal! I want a quality education for everyone.

Because - yeah! It would be nice to sit around in a cafe and talk Camus!

:toast:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

52. Meursault: What was worse, killing the guy on the beach

or not going to his mom's funeral? (see, this is
what people are going to be talking about instead of
the Super Bowl).

[Iris]

53. hee! hee! - "The Stranger" vs "The Bachelor"! eom

[frank frankly]

75. boo-YAAH

mandatory reading of the plague for everyone, twice a year.

[evilqueen]

66. french bread and...

cheese fondue.

I can hardly wait! :D

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

43. I'm tired of having everything translated from Chimplish into English

every time the President speaks. French would be a nice change of pace.

[expatriate]

44. Dearie, dearie me. nt

[NAO]

48. Hillary Clinton to be appointed Secretary of Defense

UN Troops brought in to round up dissenters, take away their guns, and put them in FEMA constructed concentration camps.

The plan we have been working on for all these years is finally close to fruition!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

51. This is a guy that gets it.

I'm just saying. It's not what goes into your mouth,
it's what comes out.

[Oak2004]

65. Bibles

You forgot to take their Bibles, too. Remember, we're banning the Bible, too, and the RNC knows it.

[NAO]

70. Doooo! How Could I forget to take away their Bibles!

Solitary confinement in the concentration camps for the ones who were Scouts.

Anyone can earn their freedom by "turning gay" and learning to speak French.

[China_cat]

85. Are you telling me that they missed

threatening everybody with finally having to learn the metric system?

Must not be serious about this French stuff then.

[Logansquare]

54. We all have to wear tight lycra bike clothing, too. n/t

[CAcyclist]

79. Only if you actually ride the bike

You don't get to wear lycra unless you ride.

[UpsideDownFlag]

55. did this come from the onion? sounds like them. nt

[The Wielding Truth]

56. TOO FUNNY, I needed this , Top Repub lie of the day!

:crazy:

[Olivier]

58. What's the aim of this phone call?

If somebody can believe such a lie, then he probably also believed all the previous ones, and is already about to vote republican.

Let's tell them the voting paper stacks have been swapped, and that they must vote Kerry to have their vote counted for GW. :)

[A-Schwarzenegger]

61. The language that a person speaks is his/her key

to reality, communication, expression, relationships,
world view, perception, and many other things. Imagine a
grocery list without language, if you want to go to the
mundane level. It is believed by Derrida, Foucault,
Lacan and many others that a threat to a person's
"language matrix" runs deeper in some sense even
than a person's survival instinct. Clearly, this message
about French is meant to reach beyond the surface level of other
political messages, into the murk of the subconscious
from where language bubbles up from.

[allalone]

60. bush speaks English???

[Huckebein the Raven]

84. Bush speaks 'murkin

[Az_lefty]

62. bet Kerry speaks French better than the Chimp speaks English...

[A-Schwarzenegger]

63. Actually Bush speaks fluent French.

I know somebody who knows Pickles'
French maid, and Dub talks it with her like old
De Gaulle. In fact, he does a stunning
Maurice Chevalier imitation singing "Little Girls"
en Francaise.

[cire4]

64. I KNEW KKKarl would push-poll the French connection

Just like the whole "Mccain has a black baby" thing on the day before the South Carolina primary.

Too bad we campaign ethically. If we played with the same dirt that KKKarl does, we could call the fundies and mention a little known illegal abortion that Shrub paid for....

[A-Schwarzenegger]

67. It wasn't a poll, it was phone calls

to RW states to slightly backward people who
are afraid of learning a new language. Apparently
I was rumored to hear that there were follow-up calls
purporting to be from Berlitz talking about a Cultural
Revolution and required attendance in French classes
starting Jan 21, 2005.

[cynatnite]

68. I'm changing my vote now!

I flunked french in high school :eyes:

[VOX]

69. "Kerry to outsource all foreign-affairs issues to the United Nations..."

"There's just no reason to do this kind of heavy-lifting anymore," said President Kerry, as scribes busily translated from the now-obligatory French language. "The U.N will do a fine job on our behalf."

In other news, President Kerry today signed a bill into law that makes it illegal to refer to American football as simply "football," since most of the world equates that term with what Americans are used to calling "soccer."

At the close of a busy work day, the President took time to relax and sip a vanilla-blend latte, and to read every page of the New York Times -- the only printed news source allowed in the living quarters of the White House, according to insiders.

:evilgrin:

[frank frankly]

76. i can't breathe from laughing

"The U.N will do a fine job on our behalf."

LOL!

[Carni]

71. Fine by me!

Maybe the food in this country will be better (because it's piss poor now!)

[DrZeeLit]

74. Zut alors! Il n'y a pas d'eau chaude! Puis-je voir le directeur,

s'il vous plait.

Mais oui, certainment!

Kerry On!

[da_chimperor]

86. That's funny . . . because i'm sitting right between two french guys

right as I'm typing this. Quite a coincidence.