Advice for dealing with moving away from my childhood home?

[Dehumanizer]

Now I'm not much of an emotional guy--But I've got to say, knowing that I have to move away from the only house I have ever lived in in a couple of weeks is really difficult. And the circumstances couldn't be any worse when it comes to feelings of nostalgia. Here's why:

My psychology teacher asked our class to bring in pictures of when we were babies, and so a few days I was looking through all of my pictures. Infant, two years old, 3, 4, 5..all the way to 17 where I am right now. We have hundreds of pictures of me with my parents and sister from every part of my life. Smiling, having a good time, living my childhood. And most of them are in this house.

Then it hit me. I'll never be in the house ever again two weeks from now. It's so surreal. And to top off the upcoming move and seeing all of these old pictures, I'm spinning the new Iron Maiden album which is just the perfect soundtrack to my feelings right now only because it has that epic and emotional feel.

How did everyone else cope with moving out of their childhood home? I reckon most of you moved out on your own for college and your parents stayed (so you were able to return), but I'm moving to the new home as well. So this is it. Really emotional time right now. While I am somewhat excited about the new location, I can't help but look at these pictures of when I was a child and feel so sentimental and in a way, sad. Then I look up and realize this'll be the last time I'll look at this house I grew up in and be able to relive parts of those memories with a visual basis. Really sucks.

[ropi]

1. Moving away

Dear TETMD:

Moving away from your childhood home is always a difficult challenge, but since you are willing to seek assistance from others on ths DU boards I think the move does not have to be as traumatic as it could be. You're probably worried about connecting to all those fond memories, the nostalgia of family interactions, holidays, etc. . .but you do have the chance to make the move as wonderful as possible. Right now you're looking back wondering what the new home is going to be like. Will the same memories last; will you forget; will you feel sad? Yet, you are moving along with your family. . .so the memories that you made in your old home will be shared again and again, not only by you, but by them too. I am sure that your parents and siblings are as worried as you are and they are trying to make a good show of it. We all mask our fear in different ways. How are they coping with the move? Do you see how they are worried? How do they hide the worry? I think the best way to cope with this situation is to talk directly to your mom, your dad, or your siblings and share how you feel. Communication with them will help you adjust to your new memories. Moreover, sharing the memories of the past, your saddness for moving from one environment to another, and reaching out will help.

I know that when I am scared about making any major life change I reach out to my parents. That's what a mom and dad are there for. They are there for support. You are still their baby and they would probably love to know what's on your mind. Dont raise your voice, say what you want from your heart and ask the universe, god, yourself, etc, to help you choose the right words if you find that emotions being to overwhelm you.

Remember, Communicate how you feel.


When you feel like connecting to your past, keep some of those pictures close by and look at them. Relive your past experiences, but don't get caught up in them too much.

I hope this helps...

Enjoy your Iron Maiden mix. . think of it as your work of art that was made during this life change.

--ropipor

[happyslug]

2. Accept it, remember it, and get on with your life.

I moved in First grade and again after ninth. I can barely remember the house I lived in until first grade, and the next house was torn down after we moved. I pass the lot is it every six month to a year (it was in an old mining town on a major highway in what is now suburbia) look at the old neighborhood and glad that I left.

As to the first house I lived it, I tried to find it once but went right by it. The memory from when I was five remembered a big house not the little old fashhion farm house it is. I later went with my older sister who pointed out the house and I than recognized it. It took a while but I remembered it, the hugh hillside, the large fields etc. On both trips I remember the road and when I turned around I saw the old road I use to walk down to get the school bus. The House was in a rural area and had been on a old dirt road. I remember the dirt road for I had walked in many times with my brothers and sisters and remember looking up the road for my older sisters to come home from school (Before I Started School).

Just before my family moved my older brother had driven me down a new PAVED road to the house. I only remember taking it once. The neighbor had donated land to the township to put in a new paved road that interesected with the dirt road the house was on. Thus when I went down I took that paved road, reached the Dirt road, saw where it use to go (It was blocked off when I went back) turned in the direction I beleived the old house was and missed it completly. I beleive I even turned around in the Driveway to the house and did not recognize it for it look a to small. Things look so much bigger when you are five.

As I said a few years later I went with my older sister who had a better reference of the house and she pointed it out to me. She pointed out my father's old Apple Orchard which he had kept clean of weeds and saw that it had become a jungle. I remarked it looked a lot smaller than I remembered. What I did remember where things you see in the distance. i.e. the old road going to the bus stop. I remembr lookijng up it waiting for my sisters to come home from school. That fact it was closed off did not prevent my from seeing what it had been, but things I had lived among I could NOT recognize. Their all had become smaller.....

My Parent's final house (which they still own) still stands, and I still visit them they. I moved in as a teenager and can see the chances since than, but the cahnces I see are no where near the changes I saw regarding the old farm.

[newyawker99]

7. Congrasts happyslug!! 900 posts

:toast:

[Lady President]

3. My parents moved a year ago

My parents moved from my childhood home a year ago and it is still a little strange. I like their new house and they're having fun fixing it up, but I'm not used to it yet. When I'm there I have this, ok, this is nice, but when are you moving home, kind of feeling. A childhood home makes you feel safe and it's hard to ever match that level of comfort. Sorry, I'm probably not helping at all, but I do understand what you're going through. I guess the bottom line is (as cheesy as it sounds,) your home is where the people who love you are.

[VOX]

4. It soes hurt some, for sure. But you carry the good memories with you...

wherever you go. Separating from a nurturing physical space is always tough -- my mom passed away earlier this year; she was the last original owner on her block. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, the family all returned to gather at the old compound -- now, very suddenly, it's just gone. Strangers are living there now, in "our" house! How utterly weird!

Advice -- take a couple of objects that you connect with the old house -- something that you like and saw most every day. Make sure to put these items where you'll see them in the new place. They will provide visual cues for you, and let you connect with something familiar.

[kathee]

5. Youre a lucky person

to have lived in the same house all your life. I moved more times than I can count!

Look at this as an adventure,and remember...its WHO made those wonderful memories, much much more than WHERE.

Close the chapter with fondness, and make new and wonderful memories in whatever new places you live.

And give yourself permission to grieve a lil. It can only help you grow.

[Skittles]

6. I never had to cope with it

I was a GI brat and moved constantly. Count yourself lucky to have had any sort of stability in your life. Imagine coming home and everything in the house is in boxes. That happened to me over and over and many times I did not know we were moving.

[InkAddict]

8. Good memories are indeed precious, but

if you are truly ready to make the move, you'll realize that you can participate in making great memories in the new place.

You should count yourself lucky that you may be able to visit the old homestead. I know a person who was told, If you leave, you can't ever come back," and "because you made the decision to leave us, we won't be talking to you again until someone (unspecified) dies" and, so far, made good on it. GUILT AND FEAR control "babies", not grown-ups. Unfortunately, one can't call such nonsence to the attention of those that spout it, but one can only hope that what goes around, comes around. Be sure you're not so cowed by those "pleasant" memories, because some fools find out one day that they only lived in the imagination and everything was an act geared to vicariously sucking away your growth and development and creating an obedient "clone."

Persons in good relationships can work on maintenencing the relationship long distance, but it's definitely not easy or convenient. It takes two (or more) to tango and dance. I've certainly learned that one can't trust that those relationships of empathy and support will continue indefinitely and unconditionally. Some people choose to trash a relationship when they can no longer benefit from your actual presence. Nice, huh. Who needs people like that! Be careful that the nostalgia you're feeling won't be used against you and come back from those you love as evidence of your neediness and failed maturity.

I say, if you've got great support, go for it with gusto. If not, and you realistically think you're ready, do it anyway - yourself will thank you for taking that risk! That's life!

[Dehumanizer]

9. Thanks for the responses, everyone.

I really appreciate the support and I took each and every response in.

I do acknowledge that I'm fortunate for living in the same home my entire life, but after 17 years, this just adds to the emotional attachment.

I did a little more thinking today and realized that because I'm only 17, I have never had that ability to be able to look back at my life until now. I had that opportunity when I was looking through the pictures. I realized that it's the memories from my early childhood days (2-6) that I miss the most and am so emotional about right now. Back when I was a child running around this very house with two great parents and a great sister--that's what I miss.

As pathetic as it may seem, I just feel terrible that I'll never be able to relive those days. And it hurts even more that I'll never step foot in this house, the setting for my childhood, in about two weeks. I have never stopped in life before, but for the last few days I can't enter a room in this house with thinking about how i felt back when I was younger, and how things were then.

There's one beautiful picture in particular where I'm 2 and my mom is holding me in front of the house that just kills me to look at. It's not that my life sucks now, but I guess it's really hitting me hard that I'm no longer a child--and one huge part of it will just be a memory in a number of days.

[zekeson]

10. Just remember, a house is not a Motel

that makes sense if your screen name is derived from Yo La Tengo's Ride the Tiger LP... If not, uh, sorry, I have few insights. We moved out of mine my sophomore year of college and my folks moved out of country and I was delighted to see them and the house go. No happy memories to cling to.

[Dehumanizer]

11. Not quite..

I didn't know what you were talking about until I googled it and no..EvilThatMenDo is a song from the aforementioned Maiden. :)

[SuffragetteSal]

12. build a new spa

Whoops sorry, I thought you said -advice for dealing with child moving away from home. I am sure you have seen the ad for quickly remodeling his room into a new bathroom/spa!

Enjoy your new found freedom.

Personally, I couldn't wait to leave home at 18. My mother was a domineering dictator.

Good luck.

[Dehumanizer]

13. one last kick

:)