I'm Jewish. Ask me anything.

[asthmaticeog]

[spatlese]

1. Want a Cheeseburger? :)

[asthmaticeog]

7. Oy! Could I ever go for one!

But I could REALLY go for a nice knish!

[spatlese]

9. What is knish? n/t

[asthmaticeog]

20. What, the goyim don't have Google yet?

[elfwitch]

10. SO I take it that you are kosher then?

You are a better Yid than I am then. I cannot (and I did try) manage the no meat and dairy thing.

[asthmaticeog]

18. Oh, HELL no.

Religiously, I'm an atheist, so I don't bother myself about all that diet stuff.

[calico1]

29. Mmmmmmm.....

I grew up in NYC and remember buying knishes from the cart vendors (in the 60's and 70's). Loved them!

[The empressof all]

61. How to make a "mock" knish

If you have left over mashed potatoes you can make a fairly decent knish like thing.

Add some lightly fried onion to the mashed potatoes and a few pats of butter (I like mine very buttery) Then form the potato onion mixture into cake like patties. (like a fairly thick hamburger)

Wrap patties in a few sheets of phylo dough and bake in the oven at 425 until brown.

Excellent substitute for the real thing.

[Texasgal]

33. Is it true that....

David Lee Roth lights tha' mennorah?

[asthmaticeog]

36. His name's David Roth. What do you think?

[Misunderestimator]

2. Ok... Do you think that Jews accept homosexuality more than Christians do?

I think they do. :hi:

[asthmaticeog]

11. Well, I'll tell ya...

I don't get so worked up about the faygeles. What, I don't have my onw tsorres already?

[Misunderestimator]

37. LOL...

I assume that tsorres means suffering or something?

[asthmaticeog]

44. Literally, troubles.

A Yiddish word I learned early - apparently, I gave lots of them to my dad. "Oy, such tsorres from this one..."

[ronnykmarshall]

3. Did you have a briss?

[asthmaticeog]

13. Absolutely.

I'll never recover.

[donheld]

73. what did they do with the foreskin?

:evilgrin:

[asthmaticeog]

74. Stop me if you've heard this one already...

Rabbi Meir Leib, a well known and respected Mohel, decided to finally retire after 50 years of service to the Jewish community. One oddity about the Rabbi, was that after every circumcision, he saved the pieces of foreskin he cut off. After so many years, and thousands of Brisses, his collection was enormous.

One day, the Rabbi happened upon a leathersmith's shop. The Rabbi brought with him, ten shopping bags full of foreskins.

"What can I do for you today Rabbi"? Asked the shopowner

"Vell, I tell you vat you can do for me, I have here a remembrance of my many years as a Mohel. I vant you to make for me something nice. A lampshade or something." replied the Rabbi.

"Don't worry Rabbi, I'll make you something special, come back next week" promised the leathersmith

The following week, the Rabbi returned to the leathersmith's shop, quite excited to see what was made for him.

"Nu, you make something for me?" asked the Rabbi

"Yes, of course Rabbi, here it is", says the shopowner as he hands the Rabbi a small, flat, square box.

As the Rabbi opens the box, his small tired eyes suddenly grew large and he shouted, "VAT IS DIS? TEN BAGS OF FORESKINS I BRING TO YOU, AND ALL I GET OUT OF IT IS A SMALL VALLET? HOW CAN YOU DO DIS TO ME??", tears began forming in the Rabbi's eyes.

"Take it easy Rabbi, Please! It may look like a wallet, but if you rub it a little, it turns into a suitcase"

[donheld]

76. Yes i've heard it,

but i still enjoy it. :bounce: :bounce:

[eyesroll]

4. Are you a nice Jewish boy from a nice Jewish family?

Does your grandmother know my grandmother?

[asthmaticeog]

14. Well...

Nice family, yes. Nice boy, it depends who you ask. I'd call my grandmother to ask, but she's (whispers:)passed on.

[eyesroll]

19. So's mine.

Well, the other one, anyway.

It seems my grandmother knows the grandmother of every Jewish male in the United States between the ages of 21 and 40, because up until the day I got married (and now, that I've announced I'm no longer gonna be), she offered to fix me up with all of them.

[asthmaticeog]

49. What, nice girl like you without a fella?

Lemme call Miriam, she's got a nephew who's a LAWYER!

[elfwitch]

5. Were you born Jewish OR...

are you a convert like me?

[asthmaticeog]

16. I was born a yid.

My mother, bless her soul, and her mother, G-d rest, were Jews in the shtetls, so for that, I get my wang cut.

[bloodyjack]

24. How do you convert to another ethnic group?

Seriously, HOW do you go about converting to Judaism? It involves a heck of a lot of study and persistence, doesnt it? Particularly conversion to the Orthodox sect?

Also what are your thoughts on Reformed Judaism, asthmaticeog?

[elfwitch]

31. I converted...

I converted Reform. It took about 6 months. I had to pass though three Rabbis and one family counselor. It had to pass two written tests, one on Jewish History and Culture and one on Hebrew. I had to go to classes every Wednesday night for four hours for six months.

I know that it is even harder to convert to Orthodox. I like Reform Judaism though. It fits me quite well.

[asthmaticeog]

60. I was brought up Reform.

I wasn't much into the God stuff, but the music was very nice. We had to keep a Kosher house until my Orthodox grandmother passed away or she wouldn't come over to eat, so I saw both sides of it. Orthodoxy? Meh.

[sabbat hunter]

63. i believe

there is a story about Rabbi Hillel and converting to judaism.

there was a man who went to several rabbis, and told them if they could tell him everything about being the torah while he stood on one foot, he would convert. all the rabbis threw him out. finally he went to rabbi hillel, said to him "Rabbi if you can tell me all about the Torah while i stand on one foot i will convert." Rabbi Hillel said to him, "Do onto others as you would have others do unto you. The rest is just an explanation." The man converted.


peace
david

:hippie:

[Czolgosz]

6. Will you please do something about the nice jewish families

who have allowed their children to fall into the PNAC?

[asthmaticeog]

27. Listen,

there's families who raise their children in ways that I don't agree with, but what am I supposed to do? It's like my Bubbie, G-d rest, always said, "Chuch B'Chucha, schmlenk hoyshevah geshplut." And she couldn't have been more right!

[No2W2004]

8. How were your holidays?

/\

[asthmaticeog]

30. They were observed as scheduled.

[intheflow]

12. Do you know Jesus personally?

I hear he's a nice Jewish boy.

[asthmaticeog]

32. Oy! For the last time, his name was Josh!

[Mary0505]

15. We're Arab American

Hi.

Just thought I'd send you and yours some love peace and happiness.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

26. Peace and happiness to you all too, Mary.

All we are saying is give peace a chance. :grouphug:

[asthmaticeog]

35. Thanks!

Love, peace and happiness back at'cha!

[JimmyJazz]

17. What day does Christmas fall on this year? I need to plan ahead.

:P

[asthmaticeog]

39. What, the calendar, you've never heard of?

[sabbat hunter]

65. it falls

on the 25th. lol

actually xmas is on a saturday this year.
i know that cause my place is closed the 23rd and 24th due to the holiday being on a weekend.

david

[JimmyJazz]

80. O dear, I'm afraid you need to read my profile before responding

to my silly posts! :hi:

[Jersey Devil]

21. What's the difference between a schmekele and a putz?

Are they interchangeable?

[asthmaticeog]

43. Well, yes and no.

Schmekele comes to Yiddish via the German word for "jewel," and is often used as slang for the male generative organs. "Putz," while it also signifies the ol' twig & berries, is almost solely used as a personal insult.

[Crankie Avalon]

22. Did you see the following...

...new campaign ad?: http://www.georgewbush.org/spots/media/false-christian.mov (or, if you don't have quicktime, click http://www.georgewbush.org/spots/index.asp and select "False Christian."

If you have seen it, what did you think?

[asthmaticeog]

46. DAMN, that's some funny shit!

The animation of Kerry turning into a Chasid and then into Satan was worthy of Terry Gilliam.

[ikojo]

58. Oy vey! Was that funny!

Such a comedian! Must've been done by a Jew.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

23. I'm a nice Jewish girl. Nice to meet ya.

[asthmaticeog]

47. Well HELLO there!

Listen, sometime, for a nice schmaltz on rye, I could take you out, maybe?

[Taverner]

25. As a "hidden" Jew, how should I go about rediscovering my Jewishness?

I was born into a Catholic/Protestant family...and after some geneology searching it appears that my moms side was Jewish, and had converted to Catholicism back in Poland. Grandpa spoke Yiddish too, and that wasn't exactly a common language in turn of the century Poland.

Question is, how do I go about rediscovering my Jewishness without subscribing to religion? (I'm a Deist, at best.)

[asthmaticeog]

48. I just recently found out that

my mom is a deist and my dad was an atheist (like meeeee!). Why they brought me up in the religion, I have no idea - it was probably for social-structure reasons. But anyway, there are plenty of secular/Jewish organizations cropping up all over the place. American Jews under what we delicately refer to (if we don't want Aunt Sylvia to throttle us) as "a certain age" are increasingly secular, and don't have the troubles of WWII as an areligious unifying factor. If you live in a good sized city, look for an ad in your alt-weekly, or call any Reform or Reconstructionist synagogue to see if any such groups are around in your area.

[Taverner]

64. Thanks! Why would aunt sylvia throttle you?

[asthmaticeog]

70. She's the oldest among her siblings, but doesn't look it.

Getting specific about the age of any family member of her generation is just not done in her presence. Jewish thing? Woman thing? Old-country thing? Mother-hen thing? Who the hell knows? And I don't care, really - for a 91-year-old, she kicks high ass, so the pecadillos, I let slide.

[ngant17]

28. Was Moses an Egyptian?

do you think Sigmund Freud was right, when he conjectured that Judaism was originally an exported monotheistic cult from the Armana period in Egypy ("Aten" cult)? Makes sense to me.

[asthmaticeog]

50. Judaism predates Moses.

It's derived from the Yahwist tribes, who, unlike other surrounding tribes, worshipped Yahweh to the exclusion of all local deities and even denied that the other local deities existed. (Baal worshippers recognized the "existence" of Ishtar, for example, even though they worhipeed Baal.) Those tribes weren't Egyptian, but yes, the Yahwists were a monotheist cult.

[olddem43]

34. What is the date in the Jewish calender?

[elfwitch]

38. Cheshvan 5 5763

Month: Cheshvan
Day: 5
Year: 5763

[asthmaticeog]

51. Hey, get your own thread, Convert!

[elfwitch]

55. Just trying to help...

You were falling behind.
You want that I should butt out? You should live to be so lucky!

[asthmaticeog]

57. Yeah, I was slowing down a bit.

I should have waited for last to answer the serious ones. Thanks for the helping hand, and welcome to the tribe!

[elfwitch]

59. Thanks...

Been part of the tribe since 02/04/01 and couldn't be happier!

[bigwillq]

40. Are you Kosher? (nt)

[asthmaticeog]

52. Caniballism is forbidden,

so if one were to eat me, it would be in defiance of the Kashrut laws. As such, I am not Kosher.

[MidwestTransplant]

41. Soft Motzaballs or Hard?

[asthmaticeog]

53. Soft.

Why hard matzah balls? If I wanted to struggle with my soup, I'd eat at Yakov's!

(Cleveland-centric joke, sorry.)

[lucky777]

42. Jew in the Hizzouse!

Culturally a Jew, I was raised to be an atheist.

My brothers both married Catholics and their kids observe some Catholic ceremonies.

My wife is buddhist (from Taiwan).

I have a son in Kazakhstan who is part Jew, part Muslim, being raised by his mom who is an ex-communist. I had him with an ex-girlfriend who was an exchange student at the university where I used to teach before she had to go back home (this was years ago). He's the future, I guess -- a mix of white, asian, jew, muslim, east, west, capitalism and communism. Strange! But a really good looking boy, and he has a medallion with a quote from the Koran around his neck, which really amazed me.

edit for grammar

[asthmaticeog]

54. Kazakhstan?

What kind of a place is that for a nice Jewish boy?

[maveric]

45. Why did you kill Jesus?

Mel Gibson said that you did.

[asthmaticeog]

56. Listen, Caiaphas was kind of a putz.

Look, say YOU'RE the leader of an occupied, minority people. The only power you have is basically a gift from the occupiers who could take it all away whenever they wanted. Some guy comes along, saying some things, some kinda loony, some that make sense, but who's getting popular and could maybe either bring your whole little fiefdom down or otherwise put you out of business. You telling me YOU wouldn't develop some control issues? A petit despot is a petit despot. Let it go. Besides, if he weren't crucified, he couldn't have saved all those people, so I'd say it kinda worked out.

[dorktv]

62. Why are young Jewish men so damn sexy?

[LDS Jock]

66. they sure as hell are

I thought I was the only one to think that.

[dorktv]

68. I know! I have one in my life that I would marry in

three seconds if I could! He is so yummy!

[getoffmytrain]

78. Hey..

I am a Yid from Austin ;-)

[asthmaticeog]

67. I don't know.

I myself am dead sexy, though, and I thank you for noticing!

[dorktv]

69. I had not actually.

But if you say so!

[ikojo]

75. The hair?

I love guys who look VERY Jewish...curls and all!

Pant, pant....

[dorktv]

81. It could be the hair...I am a sucker for curls.

[Chicago Democrat]

71. Say something Jewish!

[asthmaticeog]

72. I LIEK TEH WOODY ALLEN HES TEH R0X0R LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[short bus president]

77. Hey, um - did you guys REALLY kill Christ?

I mean, didn't he have superpowers and stuff? 'Cause you have to be pretty bad-ass to tack someone with that super stremph onto a piece of wood...

[Doctor_J]

79. and, if so,

are you going to pay reparations to the christians, or at least apologize? Who is more embarrassing to you - Paul Wolfowitz or Norman Podhoretz?

[neomonkey]

82. Did Sammy Davis Jr really have a grass thigh?

[Seabiscuit]

83. How does one account for the Paul Wolfowitz's of America?

When I grew up all the Jewish people I knew in America were working for the Civil Rights movement and protesting against the Vietnam War alongside me and all of my friends. Now I see the American Jewish community split between that liberal tradition and these neo-con ultra-Zionist freaks like Wolfowitz, and I can't for the life of me understand where the latter came from.

It seems not only is America divided today, the Jewish community seems divided like never before.

Why? Can you shed any light on this?

[Behind the Aegis]

84. No question for ya..just a nice Shalom!

My family is Jewish, I am a practicing witch. They are very understanding and I have a great respect for Judaism. I can read, write and speak some Hebrew and Yiddish (I love languages!!). I have items of Judaica throughout my home. And here is a kick in the pants, I adapt some Jewish holidays to pagan ones! :)

Brightest Blessings! And...call your MOTHER!

[pauliedangerously]

85. This is a true story

When I was twenty years old, I worked behind the counter at a Kosher deli. One afternoon, when I was cleaning the cheeze slicer, I got careless and tried to wipe the cheeze crumbs out from under the blade after I had turned the machine off with the blade still moving.

I sliced my index finger...took 14 stitches to sew it up...and right afterward, I yelled to my boss, the proprietor, "Hey! You'd better call a Rabbi. I just cut my finger in the cheeze slicer!"

Being a twenty-year old irreverent Goy, I kind of laughed after I said it. I wrapped my finger in a paper towel and walked ten blocks to the hospital.

He never called a Rabbi. He has strssed that the deli is Kosher-STYLE, not Kosher...when I would question the ham he would sometimes offer...rather inconspicuously I might add.

My question is, SHOULD HE HAVE CALLED A RABBI? I sliced a lot of cheeze in that thing for a lot of little old Jewish ladies...I didn't feel right about it.

That was nearly twenty years ago and I'm glad to get this off my chest.

Shalom!!!

[JSJ]

86. chosen or choosey; which are you?

[KT2000]

87. I'm not Jewish

but all my boyfirends have been Jewish.
What causes that?