My roommate is 24 years old...but has to ask Daddy for permission...

[YellowRubberDuckie]

...if she wants to do anything. We have a big camping trip this weekend. She's of course invited. So she calls her dad in Dallas, TX(we're in Western Oklahoma), and he doesn't like the idea so she can't go. Can someone explain to me why this is? UGH!! I told my mother a long ass time ago, when I was 18, that she had no control over what I did anymore. And she could go to hell if she didn't like it. Why do people let their parents control them their whole lives? Elizabeth is treated like a maid by her father and her fiance, who we all hate. I just don't get this girl. It's frustrating.
Duckie

[molly]

1. She's a subservient Stepford - probably learned it from

her mother.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

2. Yep.

I guess this thing is common in Hispanic Households...And everyone keeps saying "But it's their culture." Like that's supposed to make it all ok. It's not ok.
Duckie

[sventvkg]

3. That is Sad...Obviously she wants to be ruled.

[JohnKleeb]

4. Pitiful eh

I can't explain why this is. :shrug: Hell you know I am 17 and I often do things on the go.

[AngryAmish]

5. This woman I knew was 34 years old...

she was an attorney (partner) in a big firm (more than 300 lawyers). However, her father would always check to see if she was balancing her checkbook and treating her like a child in many ways. Goofy.

[Wilber_Stool]

6. He's probably

paying her tuition. As long as she's still dependent, she has to play the game.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. Negative.

She's got loans and grants. And has her own money.
Duckie

[fob]

7. bush* is 58 and he still asks his daddy to help him! It's not exclusive

to ethnicities, it more nurture than nature, IMO.

Some people are raised "freer" than others, it takes a long time, if ever, to get out of that situation. If the roomie is a friend just be supportive and bring her back a t-shirt!

[amazona]

8. weird does her dad have a lot of money?

I've known people who thought they had to go along to inherit but I don't see the point. If she's 24, her dad might be only in his forties or early 50s. She'll give up her whole life to get an inheritance that might not come until she herself is in her 60s or 70s. Now, if Dad is still paying for college or something, I could see humoring him, but at some point she is going to need to go ahead and live her life whether he likes it or not. No Dad ever thinks any man or friend is quite good enough for his little princess, you just have to get over it.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

10. Nope.

She grew up poor, and they only got ahead when the girls started working and contributing.
Duckie

[demnan]

11. It's a mutual situation

and I don't think you can change her. She'll probably be that way until she marries a dominant man to take that role over. At least she isn't living with him.

I have a cousin who was controlled by her mother (who also controlled her father) for years. She just stayed home and lived with her parents. Now they are both dead. She's had to finally learn how to be her own woman. She's 60.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

13. That's sad.

I never understood how these women could wait on their husbands, make them plates, make sure they have a drink so they could get good and drunk, and beat their children(My childhood was a cup of tea, let me tell you), so I've rejected all of that traditional BS of women's roles. I don't understand a 24 year old woman wanting to do something and not doing it. We're just going to the lake. Its' not like we're traveling four days to get to Canada to camp. The lake is an hour south of here. When I asked her why she couldn't go, she said, "My dad just didn't like the idea." That's all fine and nice, but dammit, you're 24 years old. Its' time to make your own decisions.
Duckie

[Southpaw Bookworm]

28. My mom's cousin

Is going to be in the same boat soon. She has NEVER lived outside her parents' home, just stayed to take care of them like the good aelf-sacrificing Italian eldest daughter that she is. I wonder what her life will be like when her mother finally passes.

[FunBobbyMucha]

12. Wow. She's gonna end up in James Spader's steno pool.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. is she american?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

15. She's ethnically Mexican, but was born and raised in Dallas Texas.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. difference in cultures

[Arkana]

16. Sadly, I'm 19, and I still ask permission from my parents

and it irritates them to no end, because they keep telling me, "You're 19! You're an adult! You don't have to ask anymore!" but it's just habit, I guess.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

17. Sweetie, if you need help with that....

I'm here for you. :evilgrin:
Duckie

[Arkana]

21. What...

you gonna have my parents whacked or something?

Sorry...Italian + mob connections in the family = odd train of thought

:evilgrin:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

24. LOL No...

I was just playing.
Duckie

[redqueen]

18. She doesn't have to, she wants to.

Why, I have no idea.

[exJW]

20. We Dallas men

Have a way with womenz.

*cracks whip*

[Arkana]

22. Shouldn't that be a club that you crack them over the head with

and then drag them back to your cave?

Just kidding! :evilgrin:

[daddybear]

23. It's c alled....

honoring your father and mother. Surely being "liberal" doesn't mean people cannot be Christians and abide by God's word? That's what the Repubs WANT it to mean.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

25. Honoring your father and mother means...

...forgoing adulthood and remaining their ever faithful SERVANT your entire life? Screw that. I'd rather go to hell than be the doting 2004 version of June Cleaver my mom dreams of me being.
Duckie

[daddybear]

31. Hey!

That's your choice.

[Skittles]

26. she needs a good Skittles ass-kicking

yes INDEED

[HEyHEY]

27. I know a guy like that

23 years old and when he was out at 11:30 at night his dad came looking for him. But his parents are Porteguese and traditional. If they only knew the things his girlfriend and him did....

[Xithras]

29. Is she asking for opinions or asking for advice?

I'm 30 and still routinely call my parents for advice when I'm unsure about something (everything from mortgages to raising babies). They've been through most of it already and usually have decent avice or insights to share. Not EVERYONE has an adversarial relationship with their parents, and most that do eventually outgrow it.

If she's asking for permission, my guess would be that she's from a very paternal culture. Portuguese, Mexican, Arab? In many societies a woman is considered to be the ward of her father until she is married, even if she doesn't marry until she's 30. The American legal definition of adulthood means little if you've grown up in an environment that teaches you that you're not really an adult until you marry.

As odd as the whole thing may seem to westerners, most of the world still practices some form of paternalism towards women. Some aren't quite as visible, and some are much more extreme, but the freedoms that women have won here haven't yet reached the rest of the planet.

BTW, I knew of a mexican woman in college who met a man, fell in love, and wanted to get married. Her father didn't approve of the guy and forbid the marriage which caused her to KILL HERSELF. Her culture was so ingrained in her personality that the thought of simply ignoring her father and marrying the guy anyway never seriously crossed her mind. Without her fathers approval there could be no marriage, and she didn't want to go on living without this guy.

If it's cultural, it's highly unlikely that you'll change her much, and you'll probably drive her away if you try. My recommendation: Live your life as an example to her. Lectures wont work...let her see you having fun, and eventually she might get tempted and join you.

[JVS]

30. I think you are making too big a deal out of this. If she wants to ...

have their permission to do things, it's her choice. Accept it.

[tigereye]

32. I went to college at 18

and pretty much did my own thing after that. I would talk to my parents and ask their advice and occasionally ask for money, but I have always been on my own since then, had my own place, job, took care of my own finances.

I get the impression that this generation is more tied to their parents... or is it that their parents are tied to them? ;)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

33. I know...but it's not easy...

Because she is very mistreated.
Duckie