Parents.... Terrible threes! Help!

[Nightjock]

My 3 year old girl Chelsea was a breeze through her age of two. Since she turned three -she can turn into the toddler from "H-E -double hockey sticks"!!!!!!!!
Main problem:

She hates to go to bed and SCREAMS like a madwoman at the top of her lungs sometimes! You have never heard such tantrums!
She cries/screams so bad you would think I put her in a bedroom full of spiders.... instead of her 50,000 toys and stuffed animals that are in there.

Please tell me this is normal?....please???
I'm becoming a very frustrated dad.

p.s. I don't believe in spanking.

[shraby]

1. It probably worked at least once or twice.

Get yourself some earplugs. When she finds out it won't work, she'll quit.

[proud patriot]

2. Sleep is a "transition" time

it is perfectly normal stage of development at this
age to have difficulty with transitions .

Remember we all do what works , so it's important
to think about what she is getting from this outburst .

Also as a parent it's good to use many reminders
that a transition is coming up 30 min. warning
15 min warning 5 min warning , 2 min warning etc.

It is important to have a routine that is consistant .

As a parent I know this is harder than it appears , this
too you will get through and then another issue will pop
up . My parents say it's never ending and I'm 36 ..LOL

best of luck
proud patriot

[Mistress Quickly]

3. Yes its normal

Mother of 3 here. My middle child used to be hell going to bed.

Its hard, but you have to let them cry and scream. (spankings wouldn't work in this case anyway)

Check on her after 15 minutes, tell her everyhting is ok, and leave the room, then wait 20 minutes, etc etc And yes, it is hard to listen to them scream and cry, but as long as you know everything else is allright, let it go.

Do not give in. Do not give in. Do not give in. You are the adult.

It may take a week or so, but she'll quit when she realizes its not working to her advantage.

Of course, she'll then find something else (bath, dinner, car seat) to pitch a fit about, but that's the 3s.

Good luck. My middle son goes to bed like a pro now. Hubby and I cherish the private time we have in the evenings/night. All parents need it.

:hug:

[wtmusic]

4. Don't believe in spanking either

There is no shortcut with getting her used to going to bed on her own. It's a big step, but she can handle it.

We checked in on our kids every ten minutes, and promised them we would be back. After about three weeks, they would be asleep the first time we checked in.

[ewagner]

5. Yep, it's normal

It seems that they pick on one or two things and dig in their heels and fight with every fiber of their body.

Best technique for me was to "redirect" their attention. For instance, my son NEVER wanted to go to bed....until we made it Dad/son time...we'd go to the bedroom and play games or read together (at three it works believe me) and then tuck him into bed and read to him until he went to sleep. The subject matter wasn't bedtime, it was Dad/son time-playtime-reading time.

It worked.

[juslikagrzly]

6. Yup, normal, and

they eventually grow up.

[Demeter]

10. And Turn Into Teenagers

Look into boarding schools--as far away as you can afford, starting at age 12. These are the golden years--enjoy them!

[mongo]

7. Bribery also works

Do you read to her at bedtime? A story in bed can be a good wind down for the day.

Also, let her know that this is a privilege and that if she throws a tantrum, there will be no story tomorrow night. It may take a few nights, but I think she will decide that getting a bedtime story and to spend time with you before bed is better than crying herself to sleep.

This is completely normal. She is TESTING you and her limits. Now is the time to get her behavior under control. If you let her get the better of you, you will pay for it later.

[amandae]

12. We did this with our oldest daughter

She *loved* her night-time story ... so when she acted up (at age two, three and beyond) she wouldn't get her story. She hated not getting her story so tried really hard to behave for bedtime. Before long we weren't having this problem nearly as often.

:hi:

[skygazer]

14. I used story time, too

It was an indespensable part of our bedtime routine. When my kids were little, they got story time together when I read to them. As they got older and were able to read, they had 1/2 hour reading time when they went to bed. Sometimes I would still read to them because it was fun and it was a nice "together" time. It served to wind them down at the end of the day, make them feel safe and loved, and gave them something positive to look forward to at bedtime. I actually had times when they asked to go to bed because we were in the middle of a good chapter book!

[Viking12]

8. NyQuil

Just kidding. It happens at our house too. It's tough but just ignore them, after a few days/weeks they get sick of crying themselves to sleep. We also found that a ritualistic/routine helped -- put on jammies, brush teeth, read a book or two, lights off, a little chatter, then off to sleep.

[DrWeird]

9. I was going to say a taser.

But I guess NyQuil leaves less identifying marks.

But no, I like the book idea. Plus its edumactional. My mom told me she used to pretend to fall asleep while reading books and then I'd fall asleep too, and then she'd get up and go hit the bars.

[amandae]

11. SO NORMAL!!! Everyone talks about two, no one talks about three

we heard the same thing when our first was turning 2 ... "uh, oh! terrible twos for little amandae!!" but let me tell you, three was HORRIBLE! she was a little monster at three! no one warned us about it at all ... don't understand why people talk about two when three is worse!?!

best thing you can do is be consistant and ride it out! it will pass! if you're consistant, it gets a little easier once they get old enough to talk to about their actions and consequences (where they can actually actively participate in those conversations). we don't spank either, but being consistant about punishments (mostly time-outs at that age) definately has helped with the older the kids have gotten.

good luck to you!!!

:hi:

[SoCalDem]

13. Let her stay up late

Fighting them only makes it worse..

Make a "bed" for her on the couch, turn out the lights, ad tell her that Mommy & Daddy are going to sleep now..G'nite:)


You will hate me, but my oldest would ASK us .."Can I go to bed now"..

Three things to NOT FIGHT them over:

sleep
food
potty training

They ALL figure it out, it just takes some longer

[Pithlet]

15. Terrible 3s

I'm going through it as well with my older son. And bed time is the worst. I could have written your post almost word for word. Hang in there. I hear it doesn't last forever :)

[bif]

16. Then there are the Terrible Fours...Terrible Fives...

Terrible Sixs...

[NewYorkerfromMass]

17. Just wait for the fucking 4's....

good sleep and schedule are the key. And discipline in just the right doses.

[Hand]

18. I thought it was the terrible Two's...

...plainly the world has changed.

[radwriter0555]

19. Talk to her. Not in incredible detail, and long before bedtime.

This is a topic you need to DISCUSS with her. At her level of course and not for an hour.

Define how you feel, how you need her to act and explain that to her. Let her know her behavior is not acceptable.

Tell her what you need from her.

What you need is to start discussing bedtime BEFORE bedtime.

If she goes to bed at 7:30, at 7:00 you start with clean up and washing up. "Honey, it's half hour before bedtime, start cleaning up." etc.

kids need to KNOW what's expected of them. If you don't TELL them and set the structure, you end up with terrible tantrums.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. Once my mother and stepfather babysat my nephew

while I was visiting them, and my brother warned them that it was a real struggle to get D to go to bed.

My mother, the former kindergarten/nursery school teacher and mother of three, was not stymied. At one half hour before his bedtime, she announced, "It's time to put our jammies on." Then she and my stepfather and I all changed into our nightwear, and my mother said to my nephew, "Look, you're the only one without your jammies on." He looked startled and went to change clothes.

This step was repeated with face washing, teeth brushing, and so on. Then my mother told my nephew, "You can't stay in the living room anymore, because Aunt Lydia is going to go to sleep on the couch (Note: I was really going to stay up and read), but we have a nice bed set up for you in our room. Let's go read a story."

She created a feeling of inevitability about going to bed. When I talked to her about it the next day, she said that in dealing with small children, you had to set expectations and act as if there was no question that they would meet those expectations.