I just fell down the stairs. I am sober. Ask me anything.

[Magrittes Pipe]

I repeat: I am sober.

[bif]

1. What the hell happened?

And are you okay?

[Magrittes Pipe]

6. I fell down the stairs, that's what happened.

I thought I made that clear.

And I suppose I've no breaks or sprains, so I should be okay. Kinda dizzy and nauseous, though -- that's normal, right?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

57. Did you hit your head?

You could have a concussion.
Duckie

[Magrittes Pipe]

61. Naw, Ducks, the dizziness and nausea bits were a joke.

I'm not concussed, other than any remaining shred of the dignity I once had.

[JVS]

2. Did you hurt your bottom?

[Magrittes Pipe]

8. Well, as my "ass" and my "ego" are one and the same...

...yes.

[JVS]

Hope you feel better soon. Now go sit on a comfy couch and watch tv/dvd's

[Magrittes Pipe]

26. Yes. My boss would fucking LOVE that.

[LisaM]

3. Were you wearing high heels?

That was my "downfall" last year...

[Magrittes Pipe]

9. No. It would be frowned upon here.

Besides, when was the last time you tried to find men's size 12 pumps for a reasonable price?

[LisaM]

33. You should be able to handle pumps

It's those slides with the 3-inch heels that are killer.

[Magrittes Pipe]

35. I know all those words.

[redqueen]

4. Did it hurt?

Did you enjoy it?

[Magrittes Pipe]

10. Yes and no.

[redqueen]

36. Ingrate.

[Magrittes Pipe]

38. Sorry.

[calico1]

5. Are you ok? n/t

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. I'll live.

[MallRat]

7. Did you break anything?

:scared:

[Magrittes Pipe]

13. Only my rule against falling down the stairs sober.

[nutsnberries]

12. will there be bruises?

:hug:

there, there. it happens.

[Magrittes Pipe]

16. Almost certainly.

[XNASA]

Serves you right.

If you'd just stay drunk, like you're supposed to do, these things wouldn't happen. It makes me cry, to know that you fell down the stairs and are sober.

:cry:

[Magrittes Pipe]

18. It is hard to walk straight when in the throes of the DTs, let me tell you

[eyesroll]

14. Was the floor wet? Were they lacking a wet-floor sign?

Can you sue? (I've got an expert witness if you need one.)

[Magrittes Pipe]

20. The floor is dry and carpeted.

[matcom]

15. why is the sky blue?

i've always wanted that answered

thanks

[Magrittes Pipe]

21. Because you lied to your mommy.

[Beware the Beast Man]

17. She beat you again, didn't she?

Stop living in denial...

[Magrittes Pipe]

22. Stop saying that. It's my fault. It's MY fault.

[stellanoir]

19. spazzz attack !!!!

happens to most of us from time to time. Get in the bathtub with some epsoms salts (2parts) and baking soda (1 part) and/or slather yourself with arnica gel or you' might be hurtin' tomorrow.

Take it easy and feel better.

[Magrittes Pipe]

23. Shall I use some Docktor Jones' Rvitalizing Tonic as well?

Can one actually purchase epsom salts these days? :shrug:

[stellanoir]

37. yeah you still can get them

for less than 2 bucks at a corporately owned drug store near you.

If you don't buy into old Yankee cures then just be glad I didn't reccommend the Chinese cure that works even better. Not selling any snake oil here.

[Magrittes Pipe]

41. Does it involve powedered rhinoceros penis and silkworm dung?

If so, I'm THERE! :D

[stellanoir]

56. of course it does

It's entirely organic and affordable.

Oh screw it. Just go buy some levitra and you'll feel droves better real soon.

[Magrittes Pipe]

62. Woo-hoo!

Wait a minute... won't that just make me priapic?

[stellanoir]

69. probably but is that not your goal. . .?

seriously though, the Chinese cure for any bruising is "Yunnan Paiyao." Costs under 5 bucks and has a year's worth (unless you're a total spazzz) of dosages. Reduces inflamation, increases circulation, and reduces bruising. Okay, there's my snake oil and I'm sticking to it.

[Magrittes Pipe]

70. Excellent.

But as I don't read pinyan, I will likely mispronounce the vowel tones and end up with a laxative. :cry:

[stellanoir]

76. No silly

if you give the name to any Chinese emporium the way it is written they'll give you the right stuff. They aren't any where near as obtuse as american pharmacists and doctors. If you do, and I seriously doubt that you will, there is a small pill (1/8 th of an inch in diameter). They're called " bullets." If you take those initially after an injury, you'll get immediate relief. Otherwise, you take three, three times a day.

I'm not a doctor, but I slept with one for many years. How's that for a credential? Seriously, have helped alot of folks with this stuff.

Again, feel better.

[redqueen]

49. This neighbor of mine died... an old woman

Her family asked me to help clean out her apartment... TONS of stuff... among the assorted detritus was 12 cases -- thats a gross, 144 cartons -- of epsom salts. Lots of artsy stuff to... I got to keep some.

I think she saw stuff on sale and just couldn't resist.

The things you see being a good neighbor.

[shraby]

25. I have done the same thing

missed 4 stairs because I "over-stepped" on one. Lesson I learned...people cannot fly.

[bloodyjack]

24. Baby why don't we feel guilty?

Why's it seem we're doing right
When we're doing something filthy
At the top of the stairs tonight?

[Magrittes Pipe]

28. I don't understand the question.

[bloodyjack]

30. It's a rhetorical question

So you're spared the effort of having to answer it

[Magrittes Pipe]

31. Ah.

[bloodyjack]

32. Actually it means that if you answer it your legs will blow off

Same effect as premarital sex

[Magrittes Pipe]

34. You have a peculiar understanding of rhetoric.

[Donkeyboy75]

40. If by peculiar you mean

"complete lack of"

[Magrittes Pipe]

43. Of course. What definition did you think I was going after?

[Donkeyboy75]

53. Wasn't sure.

That little repartee really went off the rails there. Just had to find my bearings...

[Magrittes Pipe]

63. It's jet lag.

Yes, still.

[Donkeyboy75]

27. Why are you such a clumsy fuck?

[Magrittes Pipe]

29. .

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=1750028&mesg_id=1750080&page=

[Wat_Tyler]

39. Don't you do that every day?

:shrug:

[Donkeyboy75]

42. Reread the part about sobriety

then decide if you need to ask the question... ;)

[Magrittes Pipe]

45. Jinx! You owe me some coke.

[Donkeyboy75]

48. I loved that game as a child.

Except when I had to buy the coke :cry:

[Magrittes Pipe]

51. Make with the flake, ass.

[redqueen]

80. What does that mean?

[Magrittes Pipe]

44. Pay attention -- I am SOBER.

:eyes:

[Wat_Tyler]

46. I guess it was your body's shock at finding itself momentarily sober.

Poor thing couldn't adjust.

[Magrittes Pipe]

47. This has already been answered.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=1750028&mesg_id=1750087&page=

If you could be bothered to read the whole thread, you wouldn't be such an annoyance.

[Wat_Tyler]

50. Why would I read any more of your drivel than is absolutely necessary?

:shrug:

[Magrittes Pipe]

54. Because you are a sad and lonely little man.

[Wat_Tyler]

55. Dude.

I'm your mother.

:cry:

[Magrittes Pipe]

59. That explains a lot.

[redqueen]

60. Your mom is Liv Tyler?

She is HOT!

[Magrittes Pipe]

67. Yes.

It was a tricky delivery, what with her being -2 years old and all, but we both came out well.

[Screaming Lord Bob]

52. I think you protest too much.

About being sober.

[Magrittes Pipe]

64. No, I take great shame in my sobriety.

[mark414]

58. i did the same thing yesterday

at my parent's house, trotting up the stairs, hopped up a couple at the top to grab the top banister...BOOM rolled down backwards

owww

[Magrittes Pipe]

65. Ouch.

How many fingers am I holding up?

[mark414]

71. fingers?

huh?

[Magrittes Pipe]

72. I'm just making sure you're not woozy.

[mark414]

75. i was playing along dunny sack

i should've expected better from you

you must've hit your head hard!

[redqueen]

66. Thanks for sharing

and bringing us a temporary reprieve from the you-know-what threads.

:hi:

[Magrittes Pipe]

68. Something had to be done.

I said I wanted to be a martyr for the cause, I just didn't intend it to be accidental.

[gpandas]

73. does it hurt more...

when you laugh?

[Magrittes Pipe]

74. I haven't tried that. Lessee....

No. It wasn't a very convincing laugh, though. Perhaps if you were to post a picture of a bear with its ass on fire, I might be able to test that out better.

[tigereye]

78. it's age buddy

soon you will be getting up and saying, ow, why does my leg ( back, thigh, etc) hurt. ;)

or you were deep in thought - and knowing you, I suspect your thoughts were distracting you.


At any rate, glad you are okay. Like I say to my kid, don't look back when you are going forward....

[underpants]

77. LOL

Thank you for sharing

God that is funny.

[terrya]

79. Are you ok?

Were you seriously hurt?

[Magrittes Pipe]

81. I wasn't even unseriously hurt.

Other than my self-esteem, which is shattered.

[terrya]

89. I'm glad to hear it.

[Screaming Lord Bob]

82. Why the fuck do you get 80+ posts for such crap???

[redqueen]

86. 'Cause he's the master!

Reckonize!

[ProfessorGAC]

83. Only You Say You're Sober

The rest of us have no corroborating evidence. We will have to draw our own conclusions. Sorry. That's just the way it is. I don't make the rules, i just enforce the rules.
The Professor

P.S. - Are you ok?

[XNASA]

85. What he said. BTW, Prof...thanks for the Booker's.

It's a real shame that hedges will never again know the pleasure of having a neat bourbon or two, and then try to navigate a set of stairs. Then again, he's having a tough go of it as is.

[ProfessorGAC]

87. As It Is?

We have only hedges claim that he wasn't indulging before the plunge! I don't know that we can trust anybody who posts in the Lounge. Including you and me!
The Professor

[XNASA]

88. I didn't used to trust you. Then you gave me a bottle of Bookers.

Now we're pals for life.

[Phillycat]

84. New shoes?

[Jack_Dawson]

90. Are you OLD?