DU Dinner Theater Presents: The Trial of George Bush or

[MichaelHarris]

Memo's? We don't need no Stinking Memo's

Scene opens in a courtroom filled with spectators, ceiling fans hum as the Judge speaks.

Judge: Call your next witness.

Prosecutor: The defense would like to call Ben Barnes.

Ben Barnes enters the witness box and takes a seat after being sworn in

Prosecutor: Mr. Barnes did you, in 1968 pull strings to get George Bush in the National Guard?

Barnes: Yes, I certainly did.

Prosecutor: Please provide us with details.

Barnes: Well, first of all I want to say that I'm not here to bring any harm to George Bush's reputation or his career. This is about what the truth is. About the time in which I served and the role I played. Sid Adger (PH), a friend of the Bush family, came to see me and asked me if I would recommend George W. Bush for the Air National Guard. And I did. And I talked to a Gen. Rose, who was the commander of the Air National Guard.

Prosecutor: Would you consider this "preferential" treatment, in light of the fact that the Bush family has denied any preferential treatment?

Barnes: Certainly, there was a long list of people waiting to be, or hoping to be a candidate for the Air National Guard, and for the Army National Guard. That was one route that young men had to go to-- or that was available to a very special few to-- be able to avoid being drafted and being able to avoid going to Vietnam. Although some National Guard people later went to Vietnam.

Prosecutor: How do you feel about it now?

Barnes: There were hundreds of names on the list of people wanting to get in the Air National Guard or the Army National Guard, reflecting back, I'm very sorry about it. Well, I don't think that I had any right to have the power that I had to be able to choose who was gonna go to Vietnam and who was not gonna go to Vietnam.

Prosecutor: No further questions.

Judge: Your witness Defense Attorney for Bush.

Defense: Mr Barnes, if that is your real name, do you see this tooth X-ray?

Barnes: Yes, yes I do.

Defense: Can you identify this tooth?

Barnes: No I can't.

Defense:Judge the witness is being hostile can you warn the witness?

Judge: Just answer the questions Mr. Barnes.

Defense: Now Mr. Barnes, look at this tooth X-ray, it's the tooth of a real patriot, one who led us out of 9-11, fought back terrorism and won. This is the tooth of George Bush, who served proudly during Vietnam and 9-11.

Prosecutor: Objection! The counselor is making a speech.

Judge: I'll let it stand, over-ruled.

Defense: Barnes, this tooth X-ray is proof President Bush, the patriot served his country and was honorably discharged, no further questions.

Prosecutor: We would like to call anyone who ever saw Mr. Bush on base in Alabama.

A hushed silence falls over the courtroom as NO ONE approaches the witness box

Prosecutor: Seems there is no one to testify to that so I'll call Marion Carr Knox. an elderly woman takes the stand Now Ms. Knox could you please tell us who you are.

Ms. Knox: I was Lt Col. Killian's secretary, George Bush's commanding officer.

Prosecutor: Did you ever hear Lt. Col. Killian discuss Mr. Bushes service?

Knox: Col. Killian liked Mr. Bush, but not his attitude. Killian was very friendly with Bush. They had fun together. And I think it upset him very much that he was being defied.

Prosecutor: By defied you mean disobeyed orders?

Knox: Yes, Mr. Bush was kind of a laughing stock around here, Col. Killian was tired of him getting away with everything. He wasn't a very good soldier.

Prosecutor: Thank you Ms. Knox, no further questions.

Defense: Ms. Knox, if that truely is your real name, do you see this tooth? This is the tooth of a man that saved our country.

Knox: I don't see how a tooth X-ray proves...

Defense: Just answer the question Ms. Knox.

Knox: What question?

Defense: Do you see this tooth?

Knox: Yes I do.

Defense: SO you agree, you see the tooth of a patriot, the man who saved the world while you were tramping around with soldiers and making up stories about George Bush, the Patriot. I bet you slept with Col. Killian, if that is his real name. No further questions. The defense rests.

Prosecutor: The Prosecution rests.

Judge: Now its up to you, the jury. You've heard testimony from two EYEWITNESSES, you've seen NOT ONE Guardsman step forward in support of Bush, and you've seen the tooth X-Ray. All very compelling evidence indeed. It is now your time to judge the truth, Good luck.


p.s. We don't even need the memo's or KinkoGate, or Old typewriters to show the truth. We have witnesses, they have a tooth X-Ray. The words of Mr Barnes and Ms. Knox were taken from their own words using transcipts from 60 minutes.