KERRY DENIES PERFORMING GAY WEDDINGS ON SWIFT BOAT

[denverbill]

Democratic nominee John Kerry today blasted a just-released attack ad in which a new group of swift boat veterans accuse him of performing hundreds of gay weddings on the boat he commanded during that conflict.

The ad, financed by a group calling itself Swift Boat Veterans For Truth About Gay Weddings On Swift Boats, accuses Sen. Kerry of using his status as commanding officer on his boat to perform gay weddings on an almost non-stop basis.

According to one veteran who appears in the ad, Mr. Kerry stunned his boatmates by announcing, “I hereby declare this swift boat ‘The Love Boat.’”

The veteran goes on to accuse Mr. Kerry of performing hundreds of gay weddings “whether the sailors wanted to marry each other or not.”

<snip>

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=939

You know, this is almost too close to the truth. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the Nottooswift Vets started this tomorrow.

[LTR]

1. What about the rumors of him eating babies and kittens?

I hear it will be in the fourth Swiftnuts ad.

[curse10]

4. dude, that's not rumor, that's fact!

he also eats aborted fetuses! :evilgrin:

[LTR]

5. Oh, do tell!

That does it!

[RobertSeattle]

2. Funny

Perhaps O'Neill also told Nixon he performed weddings while IN Cambodia.

[KamaAina]

3. What about the box turtles?

What better place to abuse box turtles, I ask you, than on a boat?

:-)

[Doohickie]

6. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaa!

[Lefty48197]

7. There is NO evidence that John Kerry did not perform gay marriages on the

boat. Therefore, we can't really be sure if he did it or not.

[MikeG]

8. There also was no enemy fire or bullet holes.

But everyone looked very stylish.