My ideas for new Olympic sports.

[arbusto_baboso]

Somehow, this year's Olympic Games are just leaving me cold. So, in order to increase my own level of excitement, (Which many people need, judging from all the empty seats at all the olympic venues) I decided to dream up some new "sports" for future olympics. Hey, they're no dumber than some of the ones we've got already!

Mine Field Hockey - Takes an already rough and tumble sport and adds senseless bloodshed; always a crowd pleaser.

Amish Rake Fighting - Actually a misnomer, as participants use all kinds of gardening implements and don't have to be Amish, they just have to fight "Amish style" (i.e., plain).

The Padded Suit Lumber-Swat - just exactly what it sounds like.

Team Archery - Each nation's archery team uses EACH OTHER as targets in an "archery meets urban warfare" style competition. Exciting to watch AND saves on the costs of medals, as there won't be any survivors to be awarded silver or bronze.

Machine Gun Skeet - Okay, fairly easy sport, but who doesn't like automatic weapons fire? Further interest could be added by making the female competitors wear bikinis (this would definitely be a Freeper fave).

Synchronized Drowning - Because everyone wants to see it, and because synchronized swimming - while very difficult - is NOT a sport dammit!

So, any ideas from you DUers?

[mrboba1]

1. they should have a lifeguard competition

drop in a couple drowning people into the diving pool and have a race to see who gets their victim out first.
If your victim dies, you get a DQ!

[arbusto_baboso]

2. Ooooh, I like!

[olddem43]

3. Hand grenade horse shoes.

Teams of two throw grenades at each other and score points for injuring or killing each other. Like regular horse shoes, "close" does count in this sport.

[arbusto_baboso]

4. DING! DING! DING! We have a winner!

[ET Awful]

5. Brockian Ultra Cricket

Although it has been said that on Earth alone in our Galaxy is Krikkit (or cricket) treated as fit subject for a game, and that for this reason the Earth has been shunned, this does only apply to our Galaxy, and more specifically to our dimension. In some of the higher dimensions they feel they can more or less please themselves, and have been playing a peculiar game called Brockian Ultra-Cricket for whatever their transdimensional equivalent of billions of years is.

Lets be blunt, it's a nasty game, but anyone who has been to the higher dimensions will know that they're a pretty nasty heathen lot up there who should just be smashed and done in, and would be, too, if anyone could work out a way of firing missiles at right-angles to reality.

The rules to the game of Brockian Ultra-cricket, as played in the higher dimensions are strange and inexplicable. A full set of the rules is so massively complicated that the only time they were all bound together to form a single volume, they underwent gravitational collapse and became a black hole.

A brief summary, however, is as follows:



Rule One:

Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need them, but it keeps the crowds amused.

Rule Two:

Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player and clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous amount of tedious selection and training.

Rule Three:

Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall round them.

The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it actually is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.

Rule Four:

Throw lots of assorted items of sporting equipment over the walls for the players. Anything will do - cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.

Rule five:

The players should now lay about themselves for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores a 'hit' on another player, he should immediately run away and apologize from a safe distance.

Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.

Rule Six:

The winning team shall be the first team that wins.



Curiously enough, the more the obsession with the game grows in the higher dimensions, the less it is actually played, since most of the competing teams are now in a state of permanent warfare with each other over the interpretation of these rules. This is all for the best, because in the long run a good solid war is less psychologically damaging than protacted game of Brockian Ultra-Cricket

- with thanks to Douglas Adams

[derby378]

6. Here ya go

Check these out and let me know what you think:

http://home.datacomm.ch/marco.fernando/fla/bozzetto/olympics.swf

[Kellanved]

7. Protesting against decisions

With so many medals won by lawyers, they should just go ahead and make it an Olympic event.

[LynneSin]

8. Co-ed Naked Twister!

:bounce:

[derby378]

11. But where do you hang the medals? (n/t)

[arbusto_baboso]

12. Finally, an event where I could actually win a medal!

Or at the very least, die with a smile on my face.

Good one, Lynne.

[yellowcanine]

9. Competitive Nose Picking - scoring based on technical prowess and

artistic merit (booger shape and color)

[mrboba1]

14. could you imagine the commentary on this one?

Look at him warming up - he is in the zone.

OK here he goes... look at that form, the double twist - got it!
All he has to do now is stick the landing...

oohh nooo! he completely lost it - it never came out of his nose!
That is so disappointing. That's a mandatory five tenths deduction! His hope for Gold is gone!

[derby378]

10. By the way...

...remember that TV commercial for 24th-century uber-soccer? The referee can introduce the dreaded "black card" penalty - if he draws it, the offending player is sucked into the pitch and dies of suffocation.

[goddess40]

13. Pretzel chewing

Bush can represent the US as a pretzel chewer.

[derby378]

15. And Joe Rogan could be his coach. (n/t)

[calico1]

16. Well, being that a lot of the "sports"

in the Olympics are either stupid, boring or both how about games we played as kids? I'd like to see hopscotch, double-dutch jump rope, jacks and "red light, green light." Also "tag," and "Simon Says."

[flvegan]

17. A whole new demographic

Would be picked up for the Olympics if they could make an event out of driving a car really fast...on a big circle...around and around and around...like a kajillion times. And countries without a car could help sponser another country's car...and...and that car would be emblazoned by a sticker (size depending on size of sponsorship) with that country's name on it! Medals would go to drivers that won, fastest pit crews, biggest egos and best wrecks.

This sport would then pave the way for additional sports, like beer chugging!

[arbusto_baboso]

18. Naaaaaah, no one would EVER go for that....

that's just TOO stupid an idea for a sport.

Oh, wait.....

[jmowreader]

20. Olympic road racing would be popular

Road racing is lots more popular worldwide than circle-track racing, so that would be a good Olympic event.

Ron Fellows of the Canadian team and Michael Schumacher of the German team would have the event locked up for Olympiads to come, but people (except for parochial Americans, who don't seem to like any racing except stock cars, drag racing and monster trucks) would like this.

[Mick Knox]

19. Mud Rassslin