Stuff your tv commercials want you to be worried about

[Bossy Monkey]

Here's my list:

active live infection, wounds that don't heal, skin cancer, anaphylactic shock, 4 hour plus woodies, cancer that miraculously isn't terminal once you go to the right hospital, not being fat enough to take super-powerful diet pills, hair loss, high blood pressure, cholesterol, acid reflux, allergies, social anxiety disorder, arthritis, macular degeneration, fatigue, weakness from chemotherapy, dental pain, adult ADHD, memory/Alzheimer's, poor circulation in legs

Did I miss any?

(PS: This isn't the side effects list joke. I think we've done that one into the ground already.)

[no_hypocrisy]

1. How about a new, expensive car you can't afford but your life is now

perfect now that you have it? This car satisfies all your personal deficiencies like your lack of intelligence, personality, status, etc.

Make it a big-ass SUV, on second thought.

[mconvente]

3. how bout

An SUV that can go 75 MPH in a snowstorm (ha), yet when I go to Vermont to go skiing and the only cars I see involved in accidents are Ford Explorers and Chevy TrailBlazers...

[WindRavenX]

2. you forgot "anal leaking"

:puke:

[Bossy Monkey]

8. I think that's a side effect

but if there's a commercial for something to correct it, I'm glad I haven't seen it

[Taverner]

4. ABC's fall lineup wants us to be afraid of TERROR!!!

OHMYGOD! TERRORISTS AT LAX! TERRORISTS WITH BIOWEAPONS! RUN! FEAR! HIDE!!!

[MrScorpio]

5. Your- umm huh - needs "Natural Male Enhancement"

Otherwise you've got the shot end of the stick

[Bossy Monkey]

9. Well, I did mention the Cialis spot

though I slipped and put the side effect instead of the main, uh, thrust. Good point.

[Lizz612]

6. Teeth

that are not white enough to blind people fifty feet away. If your teeth are only white enough to blind people at forty feet you may as well be a toothless hick.

[IronLionZion]

7. how about a huge SUV that can outrun a Porsche

while towing a boat uphill on a windy mountain road. Sure, the Durango is nice, but it can't do all that.

[pbg]

10. Ugly discolored toenails!

Upon seeing the ads, my brother said to me, "Funny, I thought that's what toenails looked like."
I looked at him.
We both refused to take our socks off.

[Bossy Monkey]

14. That's the "active live infection" one

By the way, has anybody ever had an inactive dead infection? Don't really have any idea why the extra adjectives are needed. Maybe 'cause they wussied out on translating dermatophyte (ie skineater)

[ChoralScholar]

11. don't forget blood clots that kill you if you stay in bed too long... EOM

[Kat45]

12. "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go."

Urinary incontinence that comes on at the most difficult moments. Not to mention diarrhea showing up at the most unfortunate moments (not that diarrhea showing up isn't always an unfortunate moment). And of course, painful hemorrhoids. A lot of obsession with excretory functions, generally showing up in commercials airing at dinnertime.

Gee, makes you long for the good old days when the only thing you had to worry about was "the heartbreak of psoriasis."

[MrSandman]

13. Only seven continents,

But hundreds of thousands incontinents.

[Endangered Specie]

15. I need a better mortgage, as opposed to what I have now...

which is NO mortgage.