My heartwarming story of bad parenting

[Dookus]

I went to my local bagel place last week. Woman comes in with her 3-year old son - cute as a button. She sits down to eat, and he wanders over to the door. She says "Taylor (or some other generic name from 2001), come sit down."

He didn't. He continued standing directly in front of the door, pushing it open slightly. As it was the lunch-rush, many many customers were lined up trying to get around him, either to get in or out.

About four more times, Mom says "Taylor, don't do that. Come over and sit down."

I'm right next to him, watching in amazement as he trips people, tries to sneak out the door, and generally makes a huge nuisance of himself. His mother does nothing beyond "Taylor, come sit down".

Then, he opens the door and it swings shut. On his finger. I smiled.

I'm sorry the kid got hurt, but if mother wouldn't teach him a lesson, a swinging door had to.

[XanaDUer]

1. You made me smile

wasn't that kid named Dakota, though?

[HEyHEY]

2. Good story...I would liked it better if he got his head stuck

;-)

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

3. Sometimes...

We all have to learn the hard way. Now we know that he won't do it again.

Last Weds, in the store, a mother came in with her kids. One kid was a complete fucking maniac. Totally off the wall. Completely intractable. Wouldn't stop running, knocking things off the shelves or anything. ADHD, I reckoned.

Question: Why the hell is there so many kids in our society with such symptomatic ADHD? Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Drug abuse? The approach of Planet Wormwood?

[XanaDUer]

4. What's Planet Wormwood?

My vicarious heartwarming story of parents and kids:

A friend of mine was a children's librarian who had to sit in her room all day and get screamed at and cursed at by parents who got mad at her for asking their children (kindly and nicely-she is a very sweet person) to not destroy the computer equipment, or not run through the room throwing books all around and ripping them up, or asking parents to please keep an eye on their kids (pervs love public libraries).

She got burned out finally after five years.

EDIT: Typo from laughing so hard.

[shraby]

23. Parents aren't disciplining

their children. They aren't demanding respect for themselves and others or any kind of self discipline out of the children. Self discipline doesn't come naturally, it has to be taught.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

50. ADHD is over diagnosed...

Most problems stem from BAD PARENTING.
Duckie

[NashVegas]

58. This Kid Learned Nothing

Except to watch out where he puts his hands.

Why the hell is there so many kids in our society with such symptomatic ADHD?

Key: attention deficit isn't necessarily because the kids can't pay attention. Sometimes, it just means they aren't getting enough of the right kind of attention.

[EstimatedProphet]

62. Wanna know why there's so many of them? Here's why:

A couple months ago the Prophetess and I were in the local Target, walking up to check out with a cart. Late 20something parents are standing in the middle of the aisle, and they have abgout a 3 yo girl who is on the floor playing with shoes. As we get up to them (there's no room to go around, keep in mind), the girl, completely oblivious, walks out in front of us and is trying on other shoes. Mom, who is in a conversation with someone else, turns to us and says "She's gonna be a while", then goes back to her conversation, DOING NOTHING about her kid blocking our way.
Hell, I'm still pissed off about this!

[ilovenicepeople]

64. I like it when people stop to talk in the entrance way of a store

I just grab them on the arm and open them like a door.If they get pissed off that their rudeness led to my actions,I tell them"Your obviously a door because your such a knob!"

[mitchum]

5. I always love stories with happy endings

Thanks!

[SemiCharmedQuark]

6. "Time Outs just don't work"

My mom never hit me once, never used time outs either. She had this ice cold stare that chilled the soul. More parents need to learn that stare.

[XanaDUer]

9. My mother had "that look".

It worked.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

7. Yep

that's called natural, or logical consequences and often it teaches a VERY good lesson that sticks with the kid FOREVER.

All of us have experienced natural consequences at some time or another.

You know, I'm a parent and I'm no hard-ass, but I cannot STAND to see a grown adult TOLERATE being completely and totally ignored by a kid who can and does hear them.

Grrrrrr. My daughter learned early on, do NOT ignore Momma.

[tigereye]

11. when my son was a toddler and stood in doorways,

and a lot of kids do that, I got up and made him sit down. And I usually was able to stop him from having tantrums in stores by leaving or setting a limit in a way that he was able to understand. But there are occasions where, as a parent, you occasionally do not set the limit as quickly as you should, or let them get away with a little more than usual. And sometimes natural consequences can be very powerful. Granted there are parents who probably should not be parents, but I don't know the whole story and generally try not to judge too harshly.

Babies and toddlers, with their limited self-regulation skills, are usually the kids with whom parents have an occasional lapse; although I am sure there are other interesting challenges ahead in adolescence!

I have infinitely more empathy for other parents now than I did before I had a child of my own. Parenting is very difficult at times, and you need to have a sense of humor.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

12. Oh most definitely!

I concur!

I have one who is almost ten and yeah the challenges are still there, just different.

(We're seeing previews of the teenage attitude....just the other day I got a haughty, "I'm LOOKING for my CD-yuh!" That "yuh" was the very accentuated last syllable of CD, said while flicking her hair and storming around.)

My. LOL.

[tigereye]

14. I have been hearing "whatever" for about 6 months

off and on. And mine is only a few months over 8. Apparently, pre-adolescence starts at age 8 now. :silly:

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

17. Ug.

Yes. I think we are almost full-blown into pre-adolescence (just weeks away from being 10). Most of the time she is a total sweetie, but WOW the attitude from time to time just flares up.

She and my husband have the same temperament and disposition so sometimes I feel like I need to have a black and white striped shirt and a whistle around my neck. Whew. Those two.....

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

28. pre-adolescence?

I got my period two weeks after I turned 10. Among my closest female friends, no one was older than 11 and a half.

I think the "pre" is over, m'dear. Good luck! :scared:

[Carni]

18. I get the "whatever" as well from an 8 year old

Appallingly enough... I know where they learned it, only because I caught myself saying it the other day after a long drawn out argument that I couldn't seem to win :(

[BiggJawn]

19. Wait till they're 16...

And you get "F*** You!"

[Guy Fawkes]

21. I've only said that a few times...

(to a member of my family who I had *good* reason to say it to, too!)

[tigereye]

22. well better then than now

I can hardly wait...

[BiggJawn]

46. That's for sure!

The best part is when they're 22 or so and they apologize for being such a Dick when they were growing up. At least my daughter did. :-)

[Tom_Foolery]

63. If I ever hear those words directed at me from my daughter...

she will instantly feel a foot up her ass. I'm 43 years old, and I've NEVER said that to either parent even though my father and I had some rough times. I've always had too much respect for them and what they did to keep us alive. Mrs. Foolery says that she agrees totally, and she's the one who baked our kid.

[ChoralScholar]

65. There was something we studied in Adolescent Development class

called the 'Secular Trend'. It is the tendency of each generation to achieve physical and cognitive maturity earlier than the previous generation.

It happens all the time. When I was in 5th grade, everyone looked like children. These 5th graders I teach look like little mini-adults.

[Dookus]

13. well

I don't have kids, but I've had dogs. One of the first rules of dog obedience training is "don't nag". Tell the dog to do something. If he doesn't, tell him again sternly. If he still doesn't do it, MAKE him do it. Just repeating the command and not doing anything about it makes it a game.

This kid was endangering himself and inconviencing others. She should've gotten up and put him in his seat.

[XanaDUer]

15. Someone could have fallen over him and hurt themselves

and/or hurt him, especially if there is a pile up, which can happen a lot faster than people realize.

Yeah, she should have gotten up. The kid was not aware of what could have happened, but the mom should have been.

[Dookus]

16. exactly

people carring hot coffee tripping over him, the door swinging, his trying to escape out into a busy parking lot....

[XanaDUer]

20. Oooo, I never thought about boiling-hot coffee...

that was a disaster waiting to happen...guess it's good he just got him finger smooshed.

[exJW]

48. When I was a kid, it was boiling hot oil from the Huns we worried about

[Missy Vixen]

26. Oh. I must have missed that.

>I have infinitely more empathy for other parents now than I did before I had a child of my own. Parenting is very difficult at times, and you need to have a sense of humor.<

There's a difference between "empathy" and those who let their kids run amok in public. I'm sure if little Pwecious had been accidentally knocked down or dislodged from the doorway by another adult, that adult would have promptly been confronted/screamed at/threatened by the parent.

We've seen kids do cute and funny things in public. We've also seen kids do dangerous, damaging and obnoxious things in public, and their handlers encouraged the behavior by remaining silent.

Julie

[mark11727]

8. Last week at the local KFC...

...at the TOP of his seven-year-old LUNGS... "LOOK GWAMPA, DEY GOT WOOT BEER"... pushes in the lever of the self-serve beverage dispenser, sans cup, and I guess you've already figured out the rest.

On edit...

...and then he stuck his WHOLE STICKY-ASS HAND IN HIS MOUTH.

"Gwampa" didn't make a sound the entire time.

[XanaDUer]

10. I had relatives

with one son who was beyond the beyond. I mean, we would go to McDonalds (this was the mid-1970s) and he would take ketchup packets and stomp on them inside the store to see them go squish!! Splat!!! All over the inside of the restaurant, and the poor kids who worked there had to clean this mess up.

Would take his hamburger, open it, and whack another kid in the face with the hamburger.

His parents would just sit there no matter what he did and *not say a word*. That is what was so creepy about it. Everyone else is staring at our group, he is spinning around, and the parents are just sitting there acting like *everything is perfectly fine*. Needless to say, my mother and I did not go out a lot with them.

Waaaay problems. Must have been ADD. Or something. He seems well-adjusted now, though, I think...

[shraby]

25. Too many are blaming ADD

ADHD or what ever on just plain bad manners and lack of parental discipline. One time my grand daughter didn't want to get in the cart at the grocery store..I always had them ride in the cart to keep track of them...she was telling me "no" and I told her "I said get in the cart". She said "why"? I told her "because I'm the grandma and I said so that's why". She started to laugh and got in the cart.
They need to know that the parent/grandparent is the adult and when they are told no, it means no. But you have to be consistent and they will understand who is in charge.
If the parent isn't in charge when the child is young, I pity them when the young child becomes a teenager.

[XanaDUer]

30. Part of it was ignoring this behaivor...

but I don't know. His behavior sometimes seemed to go beyond undisciplined into scary-budding-serial-killer territory.

My mother pulled her brother (child's father) aside way back in the 1970s to ask him if they had little ******* checked for something, since the school was having a hard time with him, too. Since I was a kid myself, I am not even sure if they were screening for learning disabilities.

Here is the weird part that led me to believe it was *not* organic: when he was not around his parents/siblings, he calmed down a lot and acted more normal.

Once he was running around in a frenzy and my mom (I was blessed with a wonderful mother) finally stopped him and asked why was he running around like that, and he said finally, "I don't know."

That was an honest answer. I think my mother gave positive reinforcement, and she was always the popular Aunt everyone wanted to stay with because she was a lot of fun, not condescending to kids, and respectful of them.

[radwriter0555]

49. He did it because he could. No one was stopping him, or giving him some

thing else to do, right? So he was running in circles! Makes perfect sense really... But that doesn't excuse it.

Children are desperate for boundaries... they don't want to be yelled at. They just want some direction, whether a coloring book, or a good meal, or something. They need to have people EXPECT things from them.

I always expected my daughter to sit and eat her meal, color, and chatter away quietly when we were out in public. And she did. No running around, standing on the seat, dropping french fries on the floor. She was really nice, cause she got the right kind of attention.

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

57. I've learned that children who are ignored by parents are quite misbehaved

I lived with a friend, his wife, and their two children for several months. The 7 year old was quite snippy all the time, and the 3 year old simply got into everything, ignored any discipline, and pretty much tore up the house.
I concluded the main reason this happened was because while the husband was at work, the wife (who didn't work) would sleep in until noon, only waking up to get the 7 year old off to school. Then she's promptly go back to bed, waking up only when I tried to discipline the child. She'd eventually get up around noon, make some food for her son, then go back to bed. When she finally got up, she'd sit in front of her computer, put her headphones on, and promptly ignore the child again.
I nearly had to laugh every time she said, exasperated, "why does he DO that all the time?".
The child has a speech problem (won't sound consanants most of the time) and the family has established this pattern: child gets into something he knows will get him in trouble, parents yell at him, he screams at the top of his lungs, father sends him to his room, child comes out every thirty seconds (ignoring the "punishment"), father spanks the child, mother yells at father, daughter starts "offering her advice", whole family gets mad and yelling goes on for nearly ten minutes, child finally is allowed to come out after mother gives up and goes back to computer and father watches television. A quiet ten to thirty minutes pass before it happens all over again.
I am so glad I'm out of there. I'm never going back.

But I noticed that my sister's children, who are around the same age, are quite behaved. Why? Because their parents engage the children. They don't retreat to a computer or a television all the time. It's not the cure-all for misbehaved children, but as anectdotal evidence goes, it's not bad.

[lazarus]

43. yup

I've got ADD, and so does my daughter. Neither of us ever pulled the kind of crap I see going on.

I think parents these days want to be friends with their kids, instead of parents. That's my ex-wife's problem, and one of many reasons I've filed for full custody. No discipline whatsoever at her house.

[ChoralScholar]

66. Too many people tack ADD and ADHD on to whatever the

f*** is going on with a kid. ADD (attention deficit disorder) is a legitimate medical condition whereby an individual, no matter how hard they try, cannot concentrate on a task in the presence of a minute distraction. For example, the child who can't do his math problems because his brain focuses on the noise of the air conditioner instead. Another example is a child who cannot concentrate on what the teacher is saying due to a distracting visual stimulus i.e. brightly colored bulletin board in their line of sight. (be carefult not to confuse an inability to concentrate with UNWILLINGNESS to concentrate because there's something more fun to do)

Couple this with a natural hyperactivity of some children and you have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder).

Teachers, Parents, and even Doctors are misdiagnosing this every day. Just because a child is not taught the correct way to act in a social situation does not mean they have ADD or ADHD.

Doctors, who should know better, have been goaded into diagnosing it by parents (and teachers, fairly) who are CONVINCED that their children are ADD, who march into doctors' offices every day demanding that they do something about their child, often at the behest of their classroom teacher. The doctors then prescribe the drug du jour, whether it be Ritalin, Adderal, or Strattera. It is in my opinion, that, at this point, the doctor becomes no longer a medical professional, but a drug dealer.

There are a lot of people at fault in this chronic misnomer of bad behavior, and it has infected professional educators and doctors who should know better.

</soapbox>

[YellowRubberDuckie]

51. If I'm out with family or friends, everyone knows I'm not too shy...

To do what they won't do. I'll grab the kid and take him out side and give him a good talking to. I have a way of getting a kid to feel bad for what they're doing and stop it. I've gotten this trait from my mother, and everyone around me either likes having me around (We still hang out and go places) or they are too afraid to say anything. LOL But I'm now the threat to most kids if they're misbehaving. "I'll send you to Melissa's house if you don't straighten up. You won't get by with nearly as much there." And they shut up. I'm a hard ass and they know it. I love that. hehehe
Duckie

[Bridget Burke]

24. You want heartwarming? A good (non-human) parent.

Doesn't fit in this thread very well, but I didn't feel like starting a new one. Click here...

&paper=gate&file=dip.DTL&directory=/gate/archive/2004/08/18&type=gallery

[Dookus]

27. aw, I saw that the other day

that kitten is beyond adorable.

[Zomby Woof]

29. I sm staying silent here

:-)

Any remotely anti-child comment will brand me as an abuser. :-)

[XanaDUer]

32. ABUSER! ABUSER!

;)

[Zomby Woof]

33. stand still!

I want to spank you. :spank: ;-)

[XanaDUer]

36. LOL!

I've been bad.

[Zomby Woof]

38. and when you're bad

You're good!

I suppose now that makes you my victim of abuse, and you help me perpetuate the horrible cycle of denial. :eyes: ;-)

[XanaDUer]

39. "Now, denial is not just a river in Egypt."

(In Stuart Smalley voice).

[Rowdyboy]

31. Dogs want your love and return it in multiples., without question

Children....well, I don't have any and I'm pretty glad. I'm really not that tolerant with juveniles.

[XanaDUer]

35. My cat is undisciplined

no matter how many times I tell him not to shred the couch with his claws, he never seems to listeN!

I think he had ADD.

[onebigbadwulf]

34. Does this justify spanking to discipline children?

I was spanked and I think I would spank my children.

What about you guys? I'll open a thread about it.

[XanaDUer]

37. I was never hit or spanked

but I was lucky to have a very special mother who always discussed things with me and treated me with respect.

I have problems with corporal discipline, because I sometime worry that it may instill a "might makes right" type of feeling in the child.

When a child is young, like the door-blocking toddler, I think it would be best for the mom to just get up and put him in a safe place at his chair or highstool.

[Dookus]

40. I don't think so

We were spanked and hit, and I don't think it added anything to the experience.

I think consistent discipline is better.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

52. Oh wulf, PLEASE do not get this started again!!!

There are a lot of fluffy people here. You do not know what you're getting into.
Duckie

[SheilaT]

41. All to often

the defenders of spanking seem to think that it's pretty much the only way to deal with misbehavior (or misbehavior beyond some level).

There's discipline and there's discipline. It's possible to make it quite clear to a child that certain things are not to be tolerated. It's also important not to expect things a kid's not yet ready for.

What I learned from my youngest son is that physical punishment only made things worse, and that by treating him with dignity and respect, and yet setting clear limits, I've wound up with a 17 year old who has never sworn at me even when quite angry at me, continues to say "please" and "thank you" when appropriate, and in general does what I ask him to do. And at that, I'm being driven crazy by him and look forward to his turning 21 or 35 or whatever.

There is so much that goes into good parenting, and it's not just whether or not a kid is spanked.

[Dookus]

42. Not sure why you addressed this to me

I never advocated spanking him.

[SheilaT]

47. It seemed the

best way to insert my message, by responding to the original. I am sincerely sorry that it then looked like I was suggesting you were encouraging something that you weren't.

Sometimes I'm quite befuddled about where to put my response or remarks in a lengthy thread. I will try to be more careful about this kind of thing in the future. This sort of carelessness can be some of the trigger for flame wars, and I always find those pretty dumb.

Thanks for being understanding.

[REP]

44. Only One Way For A Happier Ending...

and that would have been if while Huntyr-Gathyryr was catching his finger in the door, he tripped someone with a large hot coffee that dumped all over the clueless Moo.

[wickerwoman]

45. This reminds me of a time a few years back.

I was in a diner sitting at a table next to a middle aged woman who was talking at the top of her voice into a cell phone while her two year old son (clearly a percussion prodigy) was banging his fork on the metal table as hard as he could. I ignored it as well as I could for about twenty minutes until Junior starts trying to shove the fork into the electric outlet conveniently located at eye level to him. Mom was half-way watching him do this out of the corner of her eye but was still talking on the cell phone.

I leaned over and gently took the fork out of his hand quietly saying "Don't do that, it's dangerous". Mom puts down the cell phone for the first time that meal and starts screaming like I'm a serial killer- "Don't you dare touch my baby, bitch!" And then the waiter came over and asked me to leave.

Last time I ate at that dump.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

53. And if that baby'd gotten electrocuted, she'd have sued the establishment.

What a bitch. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS!! Damn. I hate people. And this kind of stupidity is why. Good for you. I'm glad you probably saved that kids life. Although, some would say survival of the fittest, weeding out the dumb. And I'm apt to agree with that. When we were kids, we were taught "don't touch that!". And we had LAWN DARTS!! Now if any of these idiots that are being raised right now by dumb parents had lawn darts, there would be 8 year old serial killers. UGH!
Duckie

[mark11727]

55. Instead, get the MOTHER's attention...

..."excuse me, ma-am, but is little Snotleigh over there going to fry his young ass with that fork in the socket... just thought you should know. Enjoy your meal."

Ball's in her court, it's no longer your problem, and your conscience is clear.

[wickerwoman]

60. I would have, but there was really no time.

The prongs were already entering the socket when I took the fork away. By the time I could have explained the problem he might have already been in trouble.

Some parents are just really, really defensive not only about their kids but about their parenting.

[kimchi]

54. It could have been much worse.

I've seen much worse parenting; and I've probably done some things that others wouldn't like.

Yesterday, my husband took a ball away from my daughter, who is not yet two. Being tired, she promptly threw herself on the floor in the middle of the grocery aisle and started crying. I continued on with the cart, since it was HIS duty to take care of her. Well, being an only child with no relatives in the US and unskilled in childrearing, he walked away without me noticing. It pisses me off to no end when he does that! Anyway, before I could get to her, an old lady in a colorful housecoat walked over to comfort her, and said "Would you like to come home with me?" And then, "Is this YOUR girl? You should love her, the world is a cruel place and only YOU can give her that love." Well, normally I don't cotton to people telling me what to do with my child, but the lady was unaware of the situation and only trying to help. I said, "Yes, ma'am, thank you."

Sometimes we don't know the whole story; and we don't know how an individual child behaves or learns. The only time I ever say anything is when a parent hits their child in public. I've seen verbal abuse that would make an adult cringe; and usually I go out of my way to say hello to the child or try to make them smile, but ignore the parent. How can anyone get upset for being nice to a child?

[JM]

56. I have two boys, and I have two hands

that serve as young child manual reset devices. Fortunately the boys have not needed to be manually reset more than once.

I do possess the "stare of death", as well as "the voice". The stare has been used on more than a few occasions, and the voice only twice.

My boys are good, and they do listen for the most part. My oldest (8)is coming off a two-day grounding from all electronics for bad behaviour. It is tough being on a long car drive and not being able to play games and such. He knows why he was grounded, and it probably won't happen again.

The funniest is the arguing. We got all over his case about arguing once, and he shot back that he wasn't arguing. We asked him why he was arguing about arguing. It was like a Monty Pythin sketch.

JM

[redqueen]

59. Your story reminds me of T.S.'s rant in Mallrats

Thanks. :)

[MissB]

61. Some parents truly suck

But now that I am a parent myself (and have gotten through the toddler years) I find that I am much less judgmental of other people's parenting.

Her main problem, if I can revert to being judgmental again, is that if she doesn't follow through with redirecting his attention, he will continue to ignore her. Someday it may be far more serious than a smooshed finger.

[AmandaRuth]

67. Good grief

If I ever pulled some of this crap with my mom... Whooohoo.... I surely wouldn't of been sitting here, I'd be standing. No, my parents only gave me little thwacks every once and a while. But sheesh....

Okay, so two years ago when I was in fourth grade, we had a concert. During the rehearsal, some idiot brought in her kid. She was screaming and crying during the whole thing. At last, I got the courage to look back over from where I was sitting to quietly tell her that her kid should be quiet. the woman nodded and picked up her three year old. About ten minuets later, the kid was running around in the aisles waving her arms. Finally her mom got hold of the little monster and carried her out. All the while you could hear the girl screaming about how she wanted to stay.

Eeeee... I hope I never have a kid like that.