John Kerry's Master Plan: a screenplay

[scottcsmith]

Last week on Hardball, Swift boat vet Larry Thurlow told Chris Matthews that John Kerry had a "master plan" to become President of the United States, part of which included a tour in Vietnam (including injuries) to make himself "heroic" as a candidate. Inspired by the Swift boat vets, I present the first part of my screenplay, Master Plan.

Master Plan: John Kerry's Vietnam
by
Scott C. Smith

We start with an establishing shot of YALE UNIVERSITY, in all of its glory. It is January, 1966.

CUT TO

INT YALE DORM ROOM. It is a large room, but standard Dorm room decor. As we PAN around room, we see the back of someone, seated at a desk. Slowly we move toward the desk to reveal a young man. It is JOHN KERRY. He is writing in a diary. As he writes, we hear Kerry's VO:

KERRY: Diary, I am about to set the Master Plan in action. Next month I will enlist in the United States Navy. I think the Navy is the best choice -- I will get involved in combat but will not be as vulnerable as the troops on the ground. Now, I'll just have to figure out how to get injured three times so I can leave service early. You know, just be there as long as necessary -- say, four months -- and my goal during those four months will be my being awarded the Silver Star, Bronze Star, and three Purple Hearts. This country rallies behind a president with military experience. Diary, I could be a peanut farmer from Georgia and still get elected president, as long as I have that military background.

CUT TO:
EXT -- Military Processing Station Cruitsta, New York, NY. A drab, grey building. The camera slowly moves toward a window and glides through. We see a group of young men, including JOHN KERRY, standing, taking the oath of enlistment. We are coming into the room at the very end of the oath.

CUT TO:

CU of John Kerry.

KERRY: So help me god.

CUT TO:

EXT -- Naval Candidate School, Newport, Rhode Island

We observe a group of officer candidates running. FADE TO:

Montage, a few minutes of footage of the officer candidates running, standing at attention, etc. If possible use generic footage from An Officer and a Gentleman to illustrate.

CUT TO:

INT -- Barracks. We are in a small room, with two beds. Once again, we see John Kerry at a desk, writing in his diary, and we hear his thoughts in VO:

KERRY: Diary, the plan is in action. Soon I will be a commissioned officer. And when that happens, I will request duty in Vietnam. And, once in Vietnam, I will create questionable situations that will leave doubt in the minds of my superiors about my fitness as an officer. They will later remember me to be a bad officer. I will be exposed for having orchestrated events that result in my being awarded the Bronze Star, Silver Star, and three Purple Hearts. This is great press -- the public will eat up the uncovering of my deceit and thus will put me into the White House!

KERRY closes his diary and carefully tucks it into the false bottom of his locker. Kerry begins to cackle.

CUT TO

Establishing Shot, Gulf of Tonkin
From above, we see a U.S. Naval vessel underway. As we get closer we see the name of the ship, USS GRIDLEY (CG 21).

Cut to:
INT. Officer Stateroom. A card on the door says ENS KERRY ENS WILLIAMS
We move inside the small room. ENSIGN JOHN KERRY is at a table writing in his DIARY.

VO as JOHN KERRY writes in diary
KERRY: Dear diary, I have hit a snag in my MASTER PLAN. Instead of being sent to Vietnam, I am now stationed aboard USS Gridley. We are operating in the Vietnam theater, which is good, but I need to be in, as the guys say, 'the shit.' In a few months we'll be heading back to Long Beach. That might be my way out. Gridley will be temporarily decommissioned when we get back to Long Beach. I think I'll request Swift boat duty. That will put me in danger and, if I'm lucky, will get me wounded, and I'll also get the Silver Star and Bronze Star, but I will not loose any limbs or be killed.

Satisfied, Kerry closes the diary, locks it, and stores it in a locker with a false bottom he has constructed. From another locker, Kerry pulls out a small typewriter. He sits down, feeds in a sheet of paper, and types out a request for duty in Vietnam. The task complete, Kerry takes his request to one of the ship's clerks for processing.

We FADE OUT, and cut to:

EXT.
HQ of COASTAL DIVISION 11, Saigon
We are in an office. Seated at desk is LCDR GEORGE ELLIOTT. Standing in front of Elliott is JOHN KERRY, now wearing the rank insignia of LIEUTENANT JUNIOR GRADE.

KERRY: Lieutenant John Kerry, reporting as ordered, sir.
ELLIOTT: Welcome aboard, lieutenant.

KERRY hands to ELLIOTT his paperwork.

KERRY: Sir, may I sit down?
ELLIOTT: Certainly.

KERRY SITS.

KERRY: I just had a few questions. I heard from one of the guys that if you get three Purple Hearts, the Navy will send you out of Vietnam?

ELLIOTT: Yes, that's the U.S. Navy's policy.

KERRY: I see. Commander, I wanted to...request something. It may seem a bit unusual.

ELLIOTT: Yes?

KERRY: Sir, I'd like to be the main person to write after-action combat reports.

ELLIOTT: What do you mean?

KERRY: I know it's a hassle to have all of these officers writing up different reports, and frankly, I can do a better job. At Yale I was recognized for my ability to write concise memorandums.

ELLIOTT: Oh yeah? Do you have any examples?

KERRY: As a matter of fact...

KERRY digs through notebook and produces several sheets of paper that he hands to ELLIOTT.

ELLIOTT: Why, this is fine work. Okay, Kerry, you can write up all of the after-action combat reports. I don't even need feedback from the other Swift boat skippers, or eyewitness accounts to back up anything you put in writing. Nope, your word is gold, despite the fact that I do not know you. My trust in you is complete.

KERRY: Can I write up Purple Heart recommendations?

ELLIOTT: Sure.

KERRY: For myself?

ELLIOTT: Sure.

KERRY: Excellent. It will be a pleasure serving here, sir.

ELLIOTT: Yes, lieutenant.

KERRY: By the way, if in 35 years you are asked about my service here, can you make sure and lie? You know, say I was a bad officer, stuff like that, or that I didn't qualify for medals or awards.

ELLIOTT: Sure, son.

KERRY: Permission to leave, sir.

ELLIOTT: Permission granted.

KERRY turns and leaves. As he enters the hallway, we can hear Kerry CACKLING.

KERRY: The world is my oyster!

[ComerPerro]

1. Kick, because this is hilarious

I am so sorry that no one replied to this. I thought it was fantastic satire.