You have a good friend who is divorced...

[Maddy McCall]

She's now seeing a married man with young children on the sly.

How do you respond when she wants to discuss it with you? By discuss I mean not for advice, but in a conquest context?

(edited thread title for relevance.)

[goju]

1. Give her a card from eHarmony.com

send a message without being overt.

[liberalmuse]

2. You say, 'Details...'

and then, in the course of the conversation, you ask, 'But how would you feel about someone who would do that to you when you and so-and-so were together?', rather glibly. I suppose you both would've had to have consumed a few glasses of wine by then. Other than that, there's not much you can say but I guarantee your friend will think about it.

[Nlighten1]

3. Talk to her about it.

Ask he how she would feel if she was married and her husband was cheating on her.

Plenty of single horny guys out there.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

4. The guy has young children on the sly?

Misplaced modifiers are a BITCH, aren't they? LOL.

Um, how do I respond? Like this:

"Isn't he married?"

"And you're ok with that?"

"Ok whatever, just don't let karma bite you in the ass."

That's about it.

[VelmaD]

5. I'm going to give you VERY different advice...

than what you've gotten so far. Either be non-judgemental and listen or flat out tell her you don't want to talk about it - whichever is comfortable for you. But if you try to bring up "how would you feel if it was you" it'll likely just get her back up and make her dig her heels in.

[TeacherCreature]

6. I don't care how good a friend she is

She needs to hear the truth which is that she is doing something really dispicable and immoral. She is destroying another persons family. I have no respect for women who screw over other women this way. Even if she can't consider the other woman, how about the children? She is acting like scum.

Of course she is you friend and you care about her, so you might want to tell her in nicer words than I used.
On the other hand is this really the kind of person you want to be friends with?

[nini]

7. tell her to quit acting like a selfish whore

when there are kids involved it's just plain selfish



that's what I'd tell my friends.

[liberalmuse]

8. Do they listen?

I've found that women who are in a 'relationship' do not listen to a damn word you say. However, all your advice seems to come flooding back to them the moment it's all over. I hate duplicity and manipulation, but the truth is, you love your friends no matter what (or else they wouldn't be your friends), and it's best to get your point across without being judgemental and to somewhat hold back and just listen. If they're your friend in the first place, they likely share the same values. However, sometimes people we love can get on the wrong track, but they'll come around. I was appalled when someone very close to me did something similar, but it would've done no good to get on her case. Now, this person would NEVER do such a thing again--EVER. Some people learn the hard way. Just be a friend, no matter what.

[Nevernose]

10. You're right, they won't listen no matter what you say

Whether you're obsequeous or nice, thye probably won't listen to you. What you're friend is dong is a shitty thing to do to someone. Period. She needs to be made aware of that. Period. It's your responsibility, IMO.

That having been said, I have personally been at all ends of the spectrum: cuckolder, cuckoldee, and, well, cuckold-advice-taker. If she's a good person, and a good friend, she just may take what you have to say seriously. What your friend is doing is HURTING PEOPLE, and you have a MORAL RESPOSIBILITY to talk her out of it.

[nini]

12. You can be blunt without being too judgmental

My friends would be mad at first, but ultimately they know I know them - and knowing them I know something like that isn't what they really want either.

I'm not saying I would kick them out of my life, but I wouldn't pacify them and wait until they decide they're being stupid. Fun part is I always end up being the one there for them when it's over and they need to cry....

[DustMolecule]

9. The MARRIED GUY she is seeing is destroying his family from within

it's HIS responsibility to maintain the solid structure of HIS family. If it wasn't your friend, it would be 'someone else'. The guy is a lousy cheater/betrayer to his own family - how could seeing such a man possibly be considered a 'conquest' by your friend and why is she being a party to his absurdity? (I'm sure he told her all kinds of awful things about his wife doesn't understand him, blah, blah, blah....been said/done a million times before - this time isn't any different.)

Your friend should R U N from this guy as fast as possible!

[BiggJawn]

11. "Really? Hey, did I ever tell you how I felt when I found out...

..that BOTH my ex-wives FUCKED AROUND ON ME?!?!"

Then I'd say "You're a C***, you know that?"

[Nevernose]

13. Breathe in deeply. After holding your breath for 10 seconds exhale

Yeah, I know. Doesn't work for me either, but ya gotta try, right?

[nini]

14. why can't the good guys and good ladies meet?

and leave all the losers to torture each other?


It seems like everyone I know has been cheated on... what is wrong with people? drives me nuts!!


Sorry for your hurt... hope things are better now.

[BiggJawn]

15. It never gets better.

Been 8 years. still hurts.

[nini]

16. been about 20 for me..

and it's affected every relationship I've had since - trust is definitely an issue that I have had to work. I'd rather be alone than go through that again so I'm VERY cautious.


Good luck.. hopefully someone worthy will come around and take the hurt away :hug:

[BiggJawn]

17. I doubt it ever will.

I read a self-helpless book after my last divorce, and one of the examples the Author had was a middle-aged fellow, empty nester, who's wife decided to "go FIND herself". well, he looked like he was handling it well, kept up his end at the office, didn't burden his aquaintances with his problems, didn't date, either, but his friends all said "it takes TIME"...
So the guy retires, buys a basement full of tools and spends his days in the basement, building birdhouses.

I rebuild bicycles.

I have a "girlfriend", but it's pretty platonic. and pretty dis-satisfying. Why do I hang on?

Because "nice" guys "understand", and are "patient", M-kay?