Thinking of setting up a cult. Who should be our deity?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

Gotta get the right God, otherwise my cult would be a joke, right?

[Donkeyboy75]

1. Uh, Rick Astley?

If you're not even considering him, you aren't allowed to start a cult.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

4. Astley is last year's God.

[Donkeyboy75]

11. The Great One is not pleased.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

13. He might want to see a dentist about that.

[Donkeyboy75]

18. Toss that one in "The Big Book of British Smiles"

Surely the Scots have better teeth than that, though, right?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

19. Personally, yeah. Generally....not so much.

[Donkeyboy75]

20. How about the Irish?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

23. I have very little oral experience of the Irish.

Well, only two personally. And I was somewhat distracted by external events.

[GOPisEvil]

2. I've already started one.

The Church of the Eternal Flamingyouth.

As you might surmise, DU's own Flamingyouth is our guru. The members to date: myself and Fenris. Oh, maybe Taverner, too.

[flamingyouth]

57. Thank you, my beloved devotees

There will be snacks after the service. :loveya:

[quispquake]

3. Plastic Bertrand...

"Ca Plane Pour Moi" at full blast when you walk in the church...

[DenverDem]

5. Bob Dobbs!!!!

Why start a cult when the ultimate cult is already in action.

The world's only industrial church, The Church of the Subgenious!!

<http://www.subgenius.com/>

Pull the wool over your own eyes.

The Subgenious must have slack!!!!!

[MissMillie]

6. Aimee Mann

I say this because I know you like her as much as I do.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

10. She's my private deity.

[truthspeaker]

7. other: Jesus

There's a ready-made market and it's easier to get federal funds.

Second choice would be Dale Earnhardt, Sr.

[CO Liberal]

8. Either a Yak or a Box Turtle

:-)

[southpaw]

9. Perhaps I haven't made this clear...

But I find it offensive to elevate a mere mortal to the status of diety.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

15. Clearly this is a level of diety below his Daveness. Clearly.

[southpaw]

21. Well, then I suppose I'm OK with that...

My blasphemy-o-meter operates in very fine increments...

[BJ]

12. My old college friend

I had a friend in college who worked, when he wasn't going to class, for a small business that produced "fake" rock. It looked like rock and it could be used on fireplaces but it was basically concrete.

One day another friend and I, I believe it was after the second, maybe third, pitcher of beer, declared our "fake rock" making friend a deity with this logic:

• God makes rocks
• Our friend makes "rocks"
• Therefore: Our friend must be God!

We thought we could make a wonderful cult around our rock-making friend but he wasn't too interested in becoming a deity at that time.

[XNASA]

14. It really needs to be a woman.

I'm thinkin'...

[southpaw]

28. If the diety position is also open to women, the choice is clear...

Jann Arden

No debate necessary.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

29. I dunno. Somehow dieties who run diners in my town don't really

scream 'worship me'.

[southpaw]

34. How I envy you, SLB...

I have seriously considered making the trip from Alabama to Calgary just to visit The Arden Diner and (if the universe is benevolent) actually meet Jann.

I love her soooooo much.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

36. It's quite nice, actually.

Her brother looks after it, I believe.

[dbt]

16. Earl Scruggs Is God!

:smoke:
dbt

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

17. Adrian Zmed

[Blue-Jay]

22. I think Wendy O Williams would make a proper Goddess!

The rest of the Plasmatics could be minor deities. We could worship by offering up a car for sacrifice with chainsaws.

[Donkeyboy75]

24. Worship mere mortals if you like, but

I purchased a cupcake with what looks suspiciously like Arabic script for "Allah." It's a sign...

[northzax]

30. donkey boy, get your arabic right

it's obvious to anyone with a rudimentary education that does not say "allah" it plainly says: "You stupid American, I will kill you with this large dose of porcine-based fat.:

gosh, what is the american edumacation system coming to if you can't even read that?

[Donkeyboy75]

32. No way. You must be looking at it upside down.

But I must admit I only have a pedestrian knowledge of Arabic. I will yield to a scholar with greater knowledge.

[northzax]

39. oh, you're right, I'm sorry

I was reading from left to right. what it really says is "Donkeyboy smell like rotting fish."

wow, what did you do to that poor cupcake that it has it in for you so bad?

:)

[Donkeyboy75]

51. In a rare moment of crudity, I compared it to a turd.

[Bunny]

25. Simple. The Man. The Master.

The Gilligan.

[rock]

26. Deixis Anaphora

Would be my choice.

[peekaloo]

27. Wings Hauser

He's a great actor like Boo$h is a great President!

[northzax]

31. well sure, you could use Bob Mcclure

but when you think about it, isn't Troy McClure a better option:

[Screaming Lord Byron]

33. Why use Troy when you can go straight to the source?

Although, of course, Troy is Doug, really.

[johnnie]

35. Sorry....

I already started my cult years ago, and everyone is in it unless I kick them out. And that hasn't happened yet.

[Magrittes Pipe]

37. Ooh-OOH-ooh-ooh.

Ca plane pour moi!

[Speck Tater]

38. Other: Buffy

She's got that whole vampire-killing super-power fighting-for-good thing going on. And we could also pray to Saint Willow when we need a miracle. And Spike makes a great "devil" to round out the light and dark side of the pantheon.

[TrogL]

40. Me

PM me for where to send donations and the location for the orgy.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

43. OK.

Do you still need some more goats?

[TrogL]

44. You need more than one?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

45. Always wise to keep a spare.

It's a pretty strenuous ordeal for one goat, y'know.

[philosophie_en_rose]

41. We have more than a few DUers without a job.

They could take turns being the deity. Of course, they'd have to prove that they could turn yak milk into scotch or turtles into gold or something. And, of course, they need to get on with the smiting, before the Repug population gets out of control.

;)

[yellowcanine]

42. I would go for the biggest cheneyin oak tree in your immediate area.

Oak trees make nice Deities. And they don't require any stupid rituals unless you want them.

[hyphenate]

46. Phyllis Diller?

Joan Rivers?
Gilbert Gottfried?
Paul Lynde?
Jack HAnnah?

How about Bob Saget?

Lots of good and bad icons out there to work with. Good luck.

P.S. There is already a "Church of Bob" in case anyone is interested. It was established about twenty or so years ago by a bunch of science fiction fans. They managed to do quite nicely in their satirical look at cult worship.

[Fenris]

47. You need a dualistic theology

A benevolent creator (Plastique Bertrand) and a merciless destroyer (Anne Murray).

[Screaming Lord Byron]

48. Yes!

And then we can have our sins redeemed by Doug McClure!

[Fenris]

49. Doug McClure will be crucified by the Virginians!

And then we can make a "Passion" film blaming them for the death of our Savior!

[flamingyouth]

58. That's very Zoroastrian

:loveya:

[GCP]

50. Vince

When my husband was a student, somebody blocked the toilet with the biggest turd they'd ever seen, it was promptly named "Vince" after a particularly obnoxious M-O-R singer of that name in the UK.

One of the assembled students announced that he wanted to be the High Priest of Vince, and one of the other guys got an umbrella, poked the tip into Vince and smeared a cross of turd-stuff on the forehead of the High Priest. He kind of lost his enthusiasm for alternative religions pretty damn quick. :evilgrin:

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

52. I'm not allowed to vote.

It says that only users who registered before the poll was created can vote. x(

I wanted to vote "Other," because I think Walt Whitman (the real one, not me) would make an excellent deity. :D

I have been lurking long enough to expect NewYawker to come by and say hello, so let me say, "Hi, NewYawker! I am happy to be here!"

[terrya]

53. I vote for Yahoo Serious, underappreciated actor.

:-)

[mia]

54. look no further

:bounce: The Happy Face Crater :bounce:


http://science.nasa.gov/current/event/ast12mar99_1.htm

[phillybri]

55. Bill Hicks

n/t

[kodi]

56. Karen Carpenter. We would fast a lot

.