HELP!!! Need advice on an issue with an 8 yr. old kid...........

[CrownPrinceBandar]

I just recently moved and acquired a new friend, an 8yr old girl that lives upstairs from my new place. She's a nice enough kid, and I have tried to be a good neighbor and adult role model, so I have been chatting with her and asking about her home-school, TV and the lot.

The problem is that the child has trouble giving me space, and hangs out in front of my place often. Yesterday, for example, she was outside my apt. and I was talking to her about dinosaurs or Yu-Gi-Pokemon (whatever) and when I was ready to eat I told her so and said that maybe I'd see her tomorrow. Later on that night, while I was watching a DVD, I kept seeing her sneaking around outside my living room window trying to get my attention.

So, this morning, I found her outside my window again and I calmly told her that I don't mind if she visits occasionally, but sneaking around people's windows is rude and when I go in for the night she needs to leave me be. She obviously felt chided and ran off.

However, I just caught her hanging around my window again, but she left before I could say anything.

This is causing me a bit of stress. I realize that the child is just wanting attention (I don't think she's getting much at home, and she has no other friends that I have seen), and I really would rather not bring the parents into this as I have a suspicion that they may not understand or may be overly punitive. However, I am a fairly private person and personal space is a paramount concern to me.

Alright DU'ers, you are an insightful bunch of folks, got any advice?

[proud patriot]

1. Be friendly and talk to her parents

:shrug:

[buddhamama]

2. this approach might work

here's the idea.

speak to her honestly and firmly about her sneeking around your window and the repercussions if she continues to do so, you'll have to speak her her folks.

then if you can put aside a day of the week on which you know you'd have time to hang with her (not a lot but enough), you could propose this to her as a "tell you what" -- let's make a deal kind of thing.

this way she may not feel rejected and hurt.

[buddhamama]

3. one more thing

setting boundaries is important. make sure she understands that although you're not her parents, you're the adult she's a child.

and i'd advise that you should never be alone with her,
always "out in th open".

[CrownPrinceBandar]

5. Yup....

"and i'd advise that you should never be alone with her,
always "out in the open"."

That was foremost in my mind. Even an accusation can ruin the rest of your life. Good tips Buddhamama. Thanks.

[havocmom]

4. Is she a latchkey kid? At 8 and with school out, is there someone home

with her or is she left alone all day? Eight is a tough age. many parents think (hope, actually) a kid can be OK alone at that age, but it is really pretty young for that.

If she is alone a lot, you might wanna look into ideas for summer park and rec activities in your area and talk to her parents casually about some to the 'neat things you heard about'.

With the social climate as it is in many communities, I would be careful. Some kids are surprisingly savy about how to manipulate adults and some are adroit at tactics which could cause you considerable problems. Not to suggest this is the case, and not to discourage anyone from befriending a child, but be aware.

It is sad how our culture isolates people, particularly young and old people. And many who try to make a difference end up defending themselves, so many just close their eyes and walk away. Fine line you are balancing on and I applaud you for giving the child an ear, but she does need to respect you too.

Look into possible activities you could suggest. Some communities have things for kids for summer. Check the library for Story Hour and activities they may have to promote reading. Some colleges, musuems, even animal shelter have 'day camps' for kids. Is there a local zoo? Many of those have summer activities for youngsters. Call local churches. Ask about any girl scout troops in the area. A girl scout leader might be a great resource for you in finding things to suggest to the young lady so she has something to do besides stalk you. You would be doing her and yourself a favor if you can lead her towards activities where she can feed her intrests and that would help her build a social network of her own.

It is sad how our culture isolates people, but there are ways to teach kids to build relationships.

Best of luck, and let us know how it goes. Bless you heart for caring in a world so full of people who don't!

Peace, my friend,
havocmom