Am I a people person?

[coloradodem2005]

I have a few friends. I can tell jokes and chat with people. I know that in the past I have sometimes gone beyond my boundaries. I always mean well. Sometimes it is really clear to the person I am talking to that I am a sweet and caring individual. I seem to get along with people when discussing things that we agree on and when joking around and also when working on something together.

The problem is that I have been accused of being abrasive on several occasions. I have occasionally made people uncomfortable without knowing it. I have put people off with some of my actions. While I sometimes feel a strong desire to be among people, I tend to withdraw alot. I said the day I was fired from my job that I hate people after dealing with no's while trying to fundraise. I don't feel like I meant it like that. But sometimes I feel like I am incompetent at dealing with people because I get accused of being abrasive.

[eaprez]

1. If you don't like.....

...where you're at as far as relating to other people (and it sounds like you don't)...then perhaps its time to consider making some changes. If you feel incapable of being insightful and making changes on your own...then see a therapist. Couldn't hurt. There is a reason for your abrasive nature - you need to figure it out before you can change it.

[coloradodem2005]

2. When you say...

...there is a reason for my abrasive nature, do you mean that there is a cause? Something is causing me to act like this?

[eaprez]

3. I would .....

...guess that there is a reason for it. Probably worth some further exploration on your part. Don't just assume "I'm naturally abrasive"...

[woofless]

4. When one refuses to suffer fools gladly,

one is often accused of being "abrasive". That's my experience. Lighten up on yourself. You get along fine with like minded individuals as do I. You cannot please everyone and I think many people go looking for a reason to be offended. It increases their self esteem. Screw 'em.

Woof

[coloradodem2005]

5. True.

But at work, the guy said I was abrasive because of my reactons to many no's and rejections.

[coloradodem2005]

6. Do you really think that people actively look for a reason to be offended?

It seems like a rather shall we say interesting way to increase self esteem.

[woofless]

7. Sure. Don't you know anyone quick to take offense?

They can tell themselves they are a "helpless victim". Then they don't have to think about their own shortcomings. Makes 'em feel better about themselves. You, on the other hand, are actively trying to understand others reaction to you, presumably with an eye to changing something in yourself if necessary. That's how I read it anyway. You are being pro-active as opposed to reactive. That's healthy.

[coloradodem2005]

8. Yeah.

Ironcally I can be really sensitive to offense though.

[eaprez]

9. Don't be talked...

...in or out of anything. Go with your first gut instinct. It's usually correct.

[Betty The Younger]

10. Stand in front of a mirror and exorcise your smile muscles.

Do that at least 6-8 times a day for two weeks and we'll go from there. Life is attitude and attitude is contagious.

From the couch,
I'm Betty the Younger.