FAST!!! Somebody say something really funny before my head explodes

[belladonna]

Why do I watch that lying piece of SHIT anyway? :mad:

[Dookus]

1. Two fish swam into a concrete wall

one said "Dam!"

[PfNJ]

2. "something.....

really funny before my head explodes"

sorry.....................

[achtung_circus]

3. try this

A very attractive redhead goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no", the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him", she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

[belladonna]

5. Hilarious!!!

Thanks, I needed a good laugh after watching that smirking chimp lie his ass off and slaughter the English language again.

[Padraig18]

4. I couldn't even bear to watch.

Two tragedies in one 24-hour period is more than I could take today...

[belladonna]

8. I saw your thread just a minute ago

And now I understand what you mean. Have a :hug:, and I'm glad that you made it through the violent weather okay.

[harrison]

6. Listened to it in the car with my daughter. All I could think was

you are a lying sack of shit.

[polmaven]

7. "Bush is articulate and obviously intelligent"......

Did that help?

[belladonna]

9. Well, it sounds better coming from YOU

At least I know you're being a smartass, unlike Holy Joe who was on CNN kissing Smirk's ass and praising him to the high heavens.

[polmaven]

11. Well, you wanted to hear something

really funny.....That was the funniest statement I could come up with on short notice.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

10. Humility? I don't know what it is,

but if I had it, I'm sure I'd be proud of it.

(Paraphrased from B. Franklin)