I have declared war on zombies!!!

[historian]

Dont know about the rest of you but i am so sick and tired of the usual parrot like phrases people use, especially at check outs in store, that i am now fighting back. I believe that if you ask or say something it should be sincere and coming from you and not from some corporate headquarters.
Please no sesitivity here - i know they are doing their job but that doesnt negate my feelings regarding falsity and phony attitudes.
so here goes
Is this all for today? No im going to take this stuff out to the car, sit there for half an hour and return for more.
How did you find everything? I followed the signs - do you have a better way?
Hi! how are you. Well, my liver isnt doing well, my backaches and i hate my job. How are you?
Did you find everyting ok? No the vacuum cleaners look a little sick. Perhaps they should be seen by a technician.
Paper or plastic? A large wooden crate would be nice.
How can i help you? I dont know - what are you good at?
Do you need help? ME??? why?? whats wrong? Do i look as if i need help?
Sir would you like our credit card? Oh yes love to - is it 7% like mine? No? 22%? well tsk tsk

[northofdenali]

1. Urk. I know exactly what you mean!

I generally don't shop "big box" stores at all, and even my grocery store (Fred Meyer) is small enough that I know most of the clerks and managers by sight. Unfortunately, this usually leads to "hey, didn't you just buy a half-case of Amber yesterday?" or "Did you remember cat food this time?"

I prefer it, though!

[DoNotRefill]

2. Then you need the Zombie Survival Guide...

By Max Brooks.

It's got everything you need to know about surviving zombies, including what weapons to use.

:)

[NewHampshireDem]

3. Take that Zombie Shakespeare!

:)

[DAGDA56]

4. You forgot the restaurant line that makes me wanna throw place settings...

..."How does everything taste?"

[historian]

6. i dont know

I havent tasted the carpet yet

[Supply Side Jesus]

5. At first glance I thought you were talking about

the game ZOMBIES!!! http://www.twilightcreationsinc.com/zombies/

Nothing spells fun like feeding your best friend to the zombie horde so you can get the helicopter.

[arwalden]

7. I Fuck With The Zombie Cashiers At PetSmart All The Time...

When they see I'm buying doggy treats, or dog food... they always (ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS) ask "what kind of dog do you have?".

My answer is... "I don't have any dogs. My grandmother eats them." or "None. I'm on a new diet." -- "Yeah, really!"

It's mean of me... but I'm straight-faced and I don't break into a grin or a smile. I don't think they get it.

-- Allen


P.S. How about the ones who answer the phone with: "Thank you for calling Petsmart, America's favorite place to shop for value and service for their pets. My name is Jenny. How may I provide you with excellent service today?"