I'm looking for a husband. Quit asking me so many damn questions, and

[Bunny]

just sign-up, for cryin' out loud!

I am positively sick of working and want to quit. However, I am only in my mid 40's, so I cannot retire. And I have yet to win the lottery, although not for lack of trying. I want to stay at home the old-fashioned way, i.e., find a man to take care of me and the kids.

Any takers?

Here are my strong points:

1. I have all my original teeth.

2. I'll do all the cookin', cleanin', shoppin', laundry, child and pet care, hell I'll even take out the garbage!

3. I'll have sex with you once/month, even if I'm not in the mood.

4. I'm not extravagant, although I must insist on internet and cable TV.

Here's your duties:

1. Be gainfully employed.

2. Make sure all the automotive stuff gets done : repairs, oil change, rotate tires, wash/wax, and the like. I DO NOT do cars!

3. I do not care what you look like, but you've got to have decent personal hygiene.


That's it! Who could pass up a deal like this? I'll be accepting offers for till the end of the week.

[demnan]

1. Here ya go!

http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/

Personally, I'd rather work for a living!

[Bunny]

2. oh my gosh.

I know I said looks don't matter, and really they don't, but did you see some of those guys? ooh boy! you may have a point about working for a living :)!

[SiobhanClancy]

6. That site has got to be a joke..

surely?

[demnan]

7. Yeah, those boys are butt ugly!

Makes ya happy to be single.

[wellstone_democrat]

9. Look at this "success story" blurb~!

Arlina met her husband, Mark (right), through the MOH print catalog. Their affection blossomed when Arlina sent for him in his homeland of Latvia. Mark's understanding of English is rough due to his learning disabilities, but they are both fluent in the language of love.


GOT to be a parody, but it is hilariously well done!

[Blue_Chill]

37. Did you see the guy from Romania?

I am looking for someone who can hold my atention, keep up with me, and who knows how to dress a wound. I am attracted to a girl with a job and a car. preferably a Camarro. I like to meet big american girl.


lol!

[catzies]

33. Is that for real? I'm looking at it but I'm not sure

:shrug:

[NewGuy]

3. Not quite what I am looking for

"I'll have sex with you once/month, even if I'm not in the mood."

I would need you to pretend to be in the mood any time you got five minutes notice.

[Bunny]

4. okay, maybe once/month is a little unreasonable.

but "anytime you got five minutes notice"? Who in the real world gets that? :)!

[NewGuy]

10. Its the Irish version of foreplay

"Brace yourself Bridgette!" :evilgrin:

[radwriter0555]

20. Australian version of foreplay: "*nudge* elbow to ribs, "YOU 'WAKE?"

boink boink, WHEEEEE!

[Blue_Chill]

36. lol!

That was great.

[Bunny]

21. Well, it so happens that I am of Irish descent.

Perhaps I could see things your way! ;-)

[bearfan454]

11. I used to

but not any more

[short bus president]

26. who in the real world?

my right hand.

:P

[pizzathehut]

42. You didnt give your age.

I'm 38, married, and frankly I dont know any guys my age who are single and the type I'd introduce to any woman I cared about. The single ones are half nuts, drunks, or have no money.

[ugarte]

5. It's the original teeth part that troubles me

I hope you're not just looking for someone with dental insurance. :)

[Bunny]

8. Well, I have insurance now through work,

but if I quit to stay home I'd need my husband to have dental insurance. After all, gotta keep the pearlies looking pearly, now don't we? And the young 'uns are going to need braces. Did I mention I had kids? Guess we'll be needing health insurance too...

[SiobhanClancy]

12. I did a search

and came up with numerous sites for MEN looking for wives. Maybe there really is a market for this sort of thing...but not for women(not counting that silly site with all the studly hunks:)

[Bunny]

14. Ya know, I think those mail order brides sites

are mostly offering foreign women to American men. For some reason, maybe correctly, foregin women are seen as less threatening (or more submissive) than American women. That's why they're so popular I guess.

I know of two guys, both 40 something. One is on his second mail order bride (one Russian, one Colombian), and the other only dates 20 year olds. They apparently cannot deal with women from their own country or age group.

[TreasonousBastard]

49. Years ago...

there was an article in the WSJ about foreign brides. Most of the guys the author found got foreign brides because they couldn't handle uppity American wimmins.

One guy, somewhere west of here, said he was on his fourth wife. The others learned English, watched TV, made some friends, and started giving him crap.

This one, he sez, gets no English, TV, magazines or friends. He'll learn just enough Tagalog to tell her what to do, and she'll wear pajamas all day. And no shoes. Ever.

Ya know, if this were a just world, I'm thinkin' guys like that would be reincarnated as lesbians in Iran.

[Bunny]

50. Just desserts to be sure.

It's a shame some guys can be so threatened by a normal woman. No shoes, ever? Jeez that's creepy.

[newyawker99]

53. Congrats TreasonousBastard!! 400 posts

:toast:

[HawkerHurricane]

13. Are you near a Navy base?

I could find you a sailor...Gainfully employed, and gone most of the time, but he should be back to do regular car repairs...Best of all, a gaurentee of half his paycheck, whether he wants to give you any money or not!

[Bunny]

15. No, but not too far away from a naval reserve center.

Does that count? Otherwise, a navy guy seems good! I could stand for my husband to be away a lot - would keep him from getting in my hair!!

[HawkerHurricane]

16. Naval Reservists?

They have regular jobs and just do the one weekend a month thing.
Or, that's what they used to do.
Which reserve center? I might be able to get you one of the full timers...

[Bunny]

17. yeah, the only time they'd be out of my hair

is when they go to Norfolk for two weeks in the summer. The one I'm closest to is in Western PA. My little brother used to be in the Navy Reserves here.

[rabid_nerd]

18. LOL

Here are my strong points:

1. I have all my original teeth.

Mmph.. I like gummy women better... (if you don't get the joke... :o )

2. I'll do all the cookin', cleanin', shoppin', laundry, child and pet care, hell I'll even take out the garbage!

Right.

3. I'll have sex with you once/month, even if I'm not in the mood.

Uh, my wife would have a problem with that.

4. I'm not extravagant, although I must insist on internet and cable TV.

I watch cable TV on my computer.

Here's your duties:

1. Be gainfully employed.

Gainfully? How about break-evenly?

2. Make sure all the automotive stuff gets done : repairs, oil change, rotate tires, wash/wax, and the like. I DO NOT do cars!

Wax on, wax off.

3. I do not care what you look like, but you've got to have decent personal hygiene.

Ooops. What do you consider decent?

LOL - don't take me seriously... I am happily married, lol!

[Bunny]

19. Ha Ha.! The wife part tipped me off!

Although maybe she'd appreciate having to "do it" one less time a month? Just kidding - I do not fool around with married men.

To answer your other questions: Break-evenly is fine, "decent" means showering daily and brushing teeth as often as needed (hint: at least once/day), and seriously, I WOULD do all the chores! I'm already doing that now, ain't I? :)

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

22. once a month?

whether you're in the mood or not? What kind of man wants pity sex from his wife? No thanks.

[Bunny]

23. Aw, I was only kidding!

I could be talked into once/twice a week, maybe. :evilgrin:

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

35. heh, now we're getting somewhere

:)

[sangh0]

24. I'd accept, but

there's no way you're gonna get that much sex out of me!!!

[Bunny]

27. Well, I could cut back if I had to.

But I'd have to insist on once or twice a year!

[sangh0]

29. Change "insist"

to "beg", and I think we have a deal!!

[Bunny]

30. Honey, if you'll support me and the kids while I sit at home,

I'll beg, whistle Dixie, dress up like a cheerleader, whatever you want.

[sangh0]

31. "whatever you want"

Dem's the magic words. I'll start clearing out the basement as soon as I get home!!!

[tarkus]

25. Doesn't seem like a very progressive arrangement...

Come on, make the man do the mundane household chores.

[Bunny]

28. Just between you and me, that would be my idea of heaven.

But I wouldn't want to get pushy, at least not right away. Make him fall in love with me first, and then show him the REAL bunnyj!

[radwriter0555]

32. More money and a MAID is a lot easier than dealing with some man

hanging around the house all the time.

[Bunny]

45. Yeah, a maid would be great, but how do I get more money?

Having someone hanging around all the time could start working on my nerves!

[tarkus]

52. I have to make a Family Guy reference here...

in the episode "Dammit, Janet" (where Lois becomes a stewardess), Lois says that she wants to get a job and Meg says, "But Mom, last time you left Dad home alone he turned the house into a giant puppet!" and then it cut to Peter operating their house as a puppet and it was one of the most hilarious things I had ever seen on television.

[TXlib]

38. Bait and switch

Make him fall in love with me first, and then show him the REAL bunnyj!

Bait-n-switch... Not like that's ever been done before. :eyes:

[Bunny]

40. you weren't supposed to read that!

It was just between me and tarkus!:)

[supernova]

34. Personally, I want a handsome butler

:loveya: :loveya:

[Shrek]

39. Here's a guy who's good with cars

But I am unsure about the hygiene.

[Bunny]

41. well, his looks are okay, and being good with cars is a plus.

But the hygiene could be a problem. He's not smiling, so I'm concerned about the teeth!

[ScreamingMeemie]

43. I have one you can borrow. If you like him, I know where you can find

a model just like him. :)

[Bunny]

44. Does MrGrumpy have a brother or something?

n/t

[ScreamingMeemie]

46. Yep...we call him the prototype.

Not as grumpy, just as cute.;-)

[Bunny]

47. Sounds great!

Right now he's on the short list. How's your head, BTW? Sounds painful :-(

[ScreamingMeemie]

48. Nothing wounded but my pride, I think. Smarting, but lesson learned.

I will move less frenetically, at least for the rest of the evening. I am not known around these parts for my grace and depth perception. Thanks for asking. :-)

[TreasonousBastard]

51. Shit, I'm looking to quit, too.

So I guess it's no deal unless you win the lottery.

[opihimoimoi]

54. You would get a whole lotta more choices if this country votes DEMOCRATIC

Instead of the money going into homes and families, beer and sushi bars, NFL/ABA/Etc, longer more frequent vacations, its going to the wqealthy and their GD military Industrial Complex.

The Pubs are fucking with our lives and now, the picks at Husbands R US is GD lousy.

Vote Dem and find a good Husband at the campaign headquarters.

Goo luc