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Whether we want to or not, we build these images of people close to us in our minds. That image is based on our interactions with them, what we know about them, how we perceive them, etc. When someone tells you something new, it changes that image you've built, and when it's something you don't expect, it can take awhile to work that new information into your image. It's not bad at all. It just means you're a thinking person.
I come to that conclusion based on personal experiences. Three of my closest friends from high school were gay, but they didn't start coming out until a couple years after we graduated. All three came out to me first, even before their families. I now consider that a very high compliment, but at the time, it felt strange, not bad, just, I dunno, odd.
One friend's confession was particularly troublesome because I had suspected he was gay long before he told me. At one point, while we were still in high school, I just flat out asked him. He denied it completely, but not in a "thinks he doth protest too much" sort of way, so I just accepted it. He wanted to know why I asked, and I told him it was just his manner. We were very close friends -- still are to this day, some 15 years later -- and it was just a vibe I picked up. It was hard for me to explain beyond that.
And then, three years later, he was visiting from where he was attending college, and he asked me, "You remember that question you asked me before?" Just like that. Well, I'd asked him thousands of questions, but the way he said it somehow popped that particular memory circuit. So, he told me. And, I shocked myself by getting angry. I never expressed my anger, but I did feel it.
I wasn't angry because of his being gay. I was angry because he had lied to me. I grew up with no siblings, and he was and is the closest thing to a brother I'll ever have. We'd shared, I thought, pretty much everything. I knew I'd told him my deepest, darkest secrets, and I was angry that he hadn't shared his, mostly because it left me feeling he didn't trust me.
I got over the anger quickly, and I felt bad about it afterward. Horrible, in fact. I even apologized to him later for it, even though he'd never really known. What he told me in response put it all in perspective for me. He said he'd been dealing with it since he was twelve years old. It had taken him a the better part of a decade to accept it himself, and it had taken another year before he'd worked up the courage to tell anyone, and the one person he chose then was someone he knew would accept it, even if it took a while. I had come to terms with it, gone through the full range of emotions and questions and doubts, in a few weeks. At the end of that, if I was still his friend, that's all that mattered.
And, that's all that does matter. The facts will work their way into your mind so completely at some point that it'll just be a part of you. And whatever you're dealing with is nothing compared to what your friend is or has been. Just give her a hug and tell her you love her, and it will all work out.
IMO.
Sorry for the length, but this hit a chord.
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