How come we as humans don't appreciate something until it's gone?

[Angelus]

I was just sitting here thinking about the past semester and what has gone on. On February 17, I lost my grandpa to cardiac arrest. He was 66. On April 17, I lost my geology professer (and a good friend) to an aneurism. He was 62. Today, it suddenly hit me that I won't be seeing my grandpa or professor anymore. :cry: I don't know why it took so long for it to hit me, but it finally hit me and hit me hard. :cry:

I was just thinking about how my grandpa used to come up to our house and visit once a month or so. (He lived in St. Paul and we lived three hours away.) He would bring up a lot of food and stuff for my sister, my brother, and I. We would talk about anything and everything, and I even went fishing with my grandpa. He was an awesome guy. He even came up to Osakis to pay for my brother's car when he couldn't afford to...and the bill was $300. He had a good heart. I miss him. :cry:

I considered my geology professor my last grandfather because my real ones had passed away. I would go into his office and talk to him about anything and everything, and I even talked to him about stuff I didn't discuss with my family. He was easygoing and always listened. I miss him too. :cry:

I was just thinking that I didn't really appreciate my grandpa and professor until after they had died. You know, everytime I saw them, I didn't think about it really much because I always thought "I'll see them again." Well...with Peter and grandpa, I haven't seen them again. Why do we do this? Why don't we as humans take advantage of stuff when it's here? Why is it always too late? I'm speaking in general terms, of course. I know there's many people who do appreciate things when they are here.

Thanks for putting up this. I needed to get that out. :(

[havocmom]

1. Go a little easy on yourself, Angelus

Both those men gave you more than just love and friendship. They left you with a lesson. And sounds like you are well on your way to learning it.

It's trite, but you are young and with a little time/broader experiences will come broader perspective. Some people never gain it. Count yourself lucky that you are already figuring some of it out. You will likely spend a bit more time really appreciating more in the future. that is the lesson those men left you with.

And grief is a weird thing. It can sneak up and blindside you at the oddest damned times and well past when you would expect it to. No way to be prepared for when it will happen, just know that the strangest little things will pick at the scab you grow over the hurt and your heart will still bleed from time to time.

I will tell you that at my extreme advanced years, I try never to miss the chance to say 'I love you' to those who are dear to me. Even to those I don't know well, but have contact with, I try to remember to notice what they add to my life and to tell them I am grateful our paths crossed. It comes with time, I guess.

Take the time to stop and notice all the color, texture and flavor the people you encounter bring to your life. At the end of the day, let that good stuff wash over you as you fall asleep.

I don't pray as such, but I do say my "I'm grateful for... and please look out for... in my head as I go to sleep most nights. Makes my mornings a lot better.

If you tell them how they enrich you from time to time, and say I love you when you part each time from the dear ones, you will still miss the hell out of the ones who leave, but you will have fewer regrets.

May your life present you with many enriching characters and very few regrets.

Peace & Strength
havocmom

[Angelus]

2. Thanks for the advice, havocmom.

I'm going to do my best for now on and tell people while they're here how much I appreciate them. I wish I did that to my geology professor and my grandpa. Obviously they knew that I appreciated them. I guess it's one of those things that didn't need to be said, but I wish I had said to them anyways.

Thanks again, havocmom.

[havocmom]

3. Go ahead and thank them now, kiddo. It couldn't hurt. Who knows, they

might just get the message somehow. Just be careful when and where you do your talking. ;-) Some folks get sorta worked up when you talk to someone they can't see too.

You know, I sorta figure talking to someone who is gone is like having faith in Einstein. Didn't he suggest that bit about conservation of energy? Maybe it changes in form but it still exists? Well, love is one of the strongest energies I know of. I have seen too much to believe death is the end of love.

Let them know. Do something they would have grinned in approval of from time to time. Appease their shade and carry something of their spirit in you and in what you do in life. They made you a better person, right? Well, be that better person whenever possible and that will be the appreciation gentlemen that age would , errr, um, well, appreciate.

:hi:

[blondeatlast]

4. Lost my dad a year ago, almost to the day.

It really is harder now in many ways.

You aren't alone, fwiw.

:hug:

[Delano]

5. My wife's mom died in '02 at age 63. Huge shock.

And it hit us both very hard. You never expect to lose someone so young, or so suddenly. And then that person whose company you enjoyed, and you took for granted is gone. Weeks later, you think to yourself, "I'll call Hisako "(the MIL), but then you realize that you can't, and never can again. We've got some videos of her, but it's just the same scenes we've already seen. We'll never hear her stupid but funny jokes again. She was Japanese, but had a very quirky sense of humor. My kids were 4 and 2 when she died, and they will barely remember or appreciate her. It's made all the more difficult by the fact that we live 2000 miles away.

I try to appreciate all the people I care about, but the whirl of everyday activity is pretty distracting. I wish I coould spent 24/7 just hugging my kids for the next 100 years, but ife doesn't work that way. I guess it's the rarity of those special moments we have with those special people that make them so valuable to us.

Take care.