What's your take on commitment/marriage/monogamy?

[Delano]

What's your take on commitment/marriage/monogamy?

[Gore1FL]

1. Was married

now divorced.

Will never do it again.

[Delano]

2. Fairly happily married here, with 2 kids.

I still love my wife, but even so, marriage is hard. I used to think that couples who divorce always hate each other, but I can see now that you can really love someone, and still need to not be with them. I've seriously thought about it, but would not want to do that to my kids, at least not at this age.

Also, a lot of our difficulties come from being young, poor, living in a very expensive city (SF) and being a biracial/bicultural family. We marrried when I was 25. At the time, I thought I was ready, but I realize now that I was a dumb kid.

Still, I don't know that if I had married someone else it would have been easier. We have 2 great kids, and I still love and care about my wife very much. Just not woozy punch-drunk smitten in love anymore, I guess.

I'd like to think that when the kids are grown and we're more comfortable with our careers, we can have a good relationship and stay together. Who knows...

[Gore1FL]

17. my situation was odd

Thats as far as I aam going to go into it.

I get along with my ex far better than I did when we were married.

[ForrestGump]

3. Marriage sucks. Love sucks.

Of course, I'm also currently a little jaded, and recognize that exceptions do exist.

But heed the words of the Prophet Groucho for your own emotional (etc) wellbeing:

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"

[ott]

4. I've loved my mate since I first saw her

Over 12 years ago.

We've crossed paths briefly, here and there.

We've been together solid for the past ten months.

I've never had her out of my mind during the past decade+. I'm not interested in kicking her out now that we're together.

She has me, steadfast and forever, if she wants me.

There's nothing I have the desire to do that I'm not completely comfortable with her knowing. (Helps she has an open mind.) And, I simply don't desire anyone else. So, I guess both major schools of thought on 'what is cheating' are covered there.

She satisfies me, always has. We communicate obsessively and grow together well. I don't expect that to change.

[ClintonTyree]

5. I was married.............

for 5 years, 1977-1982. It was a messy divorce and I've never remarried. I see no need to, I'm a very independent person and cannot stand having ANY restrictions on my freedom. I will not marry again, I couldn't put myself or another person through that torture.
My ex and I HAVE managed to raise a beautiful, socially conscious and extremely well educated daughter and for that I am eternally grateful. However, one doesn't have to marry to achieve that. As long as two people are committed to raising the child and can put their differences on the back burner, marriage is not mandatory.
I'm happy as a lark without any strings attached to me and could not live within the confines of a steady relationship again.

[xchrom]

6. i've had several major relationships in my life

none of them monogamous.
i'm not interested in monogamy.
i've loved all my major signifiant others -- but i'm a better on a honey moon than the every day stuff.
it's hard to explain -- to people who are into the one partner for life thing.

[Whitacre D_WI]

7. I have a technical problem with option #4:

I love my partner, cheat all the time but he/she is cool with it.

If the partner is cool with it, it isn't exactly "cheating," is it?

[Piperay]

8. Never married and

never want to be. I don't have anything against it, it's just not for me. :shrug: :-)

[achtung_circus]

9. I'm currently getting divorced

after 20 years from a woman who I thought was my life partner but turned into something I didn't recognize. I guess I'm a romantic at heart because I've been happiest as a monogamist, with her and others. Meaningless sex is, well, meaningless (but fun).

Maybe serial monogamy is the answer.

[MrSlayer]

10. I'm a guy, of course I fantasize.

However, I would never dishonor my wife regardless of opportunity. I expect no less from her.

[SarahB]

11. commitment/marriage/monogamy?

This is what I wrote a couple of days ago, which about sums it up. Personally, well....let's not even go there. I've been committed in actions for a very long time, since a very young age despite a lot of junk at times, but thoughts...yes, thoughts are another story. Not many thoughts really, but the ones that exist are rather torturous at times. This is what I wrote before anyway. I thougt it was pretty good:

When you look at most mammals, they do not not have lifelong monogamy and I'd like to think that somehow we have evolved into something more, but we're often subjected to similar chemicals in our bodies that at times can affect our thoughts. Humans living until the are 75+ years is also a relatively new concept. Until the past Century, the average lifespan was often into one's 40's and 50 was getting "old". Now this is no longer the case and we have to reconcile all the growth and changing we may do over our lifespan with partners who may either not grow or grow in different ways. We are all human and sometimes human cannot live up to the perfection they desire to attain within themselves when they do not have needs being met.

I have often heard that for most relationships, after about three years, the "passion" fades to contentment. Passion and sex are very important, but most certainly not enough by themselves to keep everything going anyway. For me, I love both (I need both) and I know that both can be attained at once. I've been there. Sometimes though, that contentment left unnurtured can lead to inertia or lack of meaningful communication for long periods of time leading to mutually destructive patterns within a relationship. When that happens, it's very hard to go back and make it feel okay again. It's possible perhaps, but when one person feels forced into it, it can be much harder.

That being said, monogamy is possible. I, personally, have no polyamourous leanings as I enjoy the emotional intimacy of just having that one special person, but the question of life-long monogamy vs. perhaps an inevitable desire for change in the sense of serial monogamy is other issue. I'm sure for a few, life-long monogamy is possible and frankly, I envy those who have attained it happily. I think, though, it requires two people both massively in love, the willingness to be completely honest, and the willingness for continuous growth in the spirit of togetherness.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

12. Apparently quite different from my wife's take on it.

Since I haven't seen her in 3 years.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. I hope everyone who engages in it is happy. It's not for me.

[geniph]

14. Happily married, and not monogamous

and it isn't cheating. Cheating is lying and sneaking around. We're polyamorous - no cheating involved.

The secret to making this work is for it to be truly mutual - i.e., neither one of us is more or less poly than the other, to always keep your primary partner PRIMARY, and to maintain veto power over any relationship that, for whatever reason, makes you uncomfortable. Not every poly relationship does it that way; for some, there is no primary partner, and many don't retain veto power, but for us, it works best if we can ask the other to please stop for awhile when we're feeling particularly insecure or in need of extra attention.

[greeneyedpookie]

15. I Love my Honey

Been together for 8 months and we are getting married in July. He is the best thing in the world, along with my daughter and would never think of ruining the life that I have and the better life I will have in the future.

GEP

:bounce:

[Hand]

16. In the words of Groucho Marx...

"Whatever it is, I'm against it."

[bigbillhaywood]

18. Fuck it. It seems like "significant others" get upset when you have sex

with people that aren't them. What's with that? Oh, and one prostitute and your girlfriend goes nuts. Jesus, I use protection.

[foreigncorrespondent]

19. I chose number one...

...bcause I have the best, so why would I want to fantasize about anyone but her?

[RFKHumphreyObama]

20. Single and very desperately looking

I truly want to find a soul mate, a life partner, someone to whom I can confide in and share my dreams and aspirations with. My sister got married to a wonderful man last December and this has only inspired me even more

[MaineDem]

21. After 30 years...

I still remind him he's only my first husband! :D

[DemExpat]

22. Been together for 23 years with the father of our children....

both of us committed enough to the kids to stay together, but too immmature/insecure/loaded with baggage to truly commit (as in marriage) to each other.

Bittersweet and mixed, but monogamous in our way.

DemEx

[arwalden]

23. What? No Option For Swingers... Or Couples Who Enjoy Threesomes

with an occasional or regular "boytoy" friend (or however one chooses to label a similar arrangement).

Just asking.

-- Allen