You know what this room needs?

[pagerbear]

Show tunes!

<singing>
You'll be swell!
You'll be great!
Gonna have the whole world on a plate!
Startin' here! Startin' now!
Honey everything's comin' up roses! ....
</singing>

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. Well here's a relevant one for these times

It ain't necessarily so, it ain't necessarily so
De t'ings dat yo' li'ble to read in de Bible
It ain't necessarily so

Li'l David was small, but oh my
Li'l David was small, but oh my
He fought big Goliath
who lay down and dieth
Li'l David was small, but oh my

Oh, Jonah, he lived in de whale
Oh, Jonah, he lived in de whale
Fo' he made his home in dat fish's abdomen
Oh, Jonah, he lived in de whale

Li'l Moses was found in a stream
Li'l Moses was found in a stream
He floated on water
Til Ole Pharoah's daughter
She fished him, she says, from that stream

It ain't necessarily so, it ain't necessarily so
Dey tell all you chillun de debble's a villun
But it ain't necessarily so.

To get into Hebben don't snap for a sebben
Live clean, don have no fault
Oh, I takes dat gospel
Whenever it's pos'ble
But wid a grain of salt

Methus'lah lived nine hundred years
Methus'lah lived nine hundred years
But who calls dat livin'
when no gal will give in
To no man what's nine hundred years?

I'm preachin' dis sermon to show
It ain't nessa, ain't nessa, ain't nessa, ain't nessa
Ain't necessarily so.

[Kadie]

2. Can’t help lovin’ dat man of mine

Oh listen, sister,
I love my mister man,
And I can’t tell yo’ why,
Dere ain’t no reason
Why I should love dat man.
It must be sumpin’ dat de angels done plan.

Refrain:

Fish got to swim, birds got to fly,
I got to love one man till I die.
Can’t help lovin’ dat man of mine.
Tell me he’s lazy, tell me he’s slow,
Tell me I’m crazy (maybe I know).
Can’t help lovin’ dat man of mine.
When he goes away
Dat’s a rainy day,
But when he comes back dat day is fine,
De sun will shine!
He kin come home as late as kin be,
Home widout him ain’t no home to me.
Can’t help lovin’ dat man of mine.
~~~
My man is shif’less
An’ good for nuthin’ too
(he’s mah man jes’ de same)

He’s never round here
When dere is work to do.
He’s never round here when dere’s workin’ to do.
De chimbley’s smokin’,
De roof is leakin’ in,
But he don’t seem to care.
He kin be happy
Wid jes’ a sip of gin.
Ah even love him when his kisses got gin!

[Eye and Monkey]

7. What ain't we got? We ain't got Dames!

We've got sunlight on the sand,
We've got moonlight on the sea,
We've got mangos and bananas
You can pick right off the tree.
We've got volleyball and ping pong
A lot of fancy games,
What ain't we got we ain't got dames.
There is nothing like a dame,
Nothing in the world,
There is nothing you can name
That is anything like a dame
We feel restless we feel blue,
We feel lonely and in grief,
We feel every kind of feeling
But the feeling of relief,
We're as hungry as the wolf
That's when he tricked Red Riding Hood,
What don't we feel
We don't feel good.

There are no books like a dame
And nothing looks like a dame,
There are no drinks like a dame
And nothing thinks like a dame,
Nothing acts like a dame
Or attracts like a dame,
There ain't a thing that's wrong with any man here,
That can't be cured by putting him near,
A girly, womanly, female, feminine, dame.
Nothin' else is built the same,
Nothing in the world,
Has a soft and wavy frame
Like the silhouette of a dame.
A girly, womanly, female, feminine,
Dame
Like a dame!

[Az]

3. Swing your razor round Sweeney, Bring your razor down.....

What? Too dark?

[pagerbear]

4. If love were all

Verse
Life is very rough and tumble for a humble diseuse
One must betray one's troubles never whatever occurs
Night after night have to look bright
Whether you're well or ill
People must laugh their fill
You mustn't sleep till dawn comes creeping
Though I hardly ever grumble, life's a jumble indeed!
And in my efforts to succeed
I've had to formulate a creed:

Chorus
I believe in doing what I can
In crying when I must, in laughing when I choose
Heigh-ho, if love were all I should be lonely
I believe that when you love man,
The more you give your trust, the more you're bound to lose
Although when shadows fall I think if only
Somebody special really needed me
Someone affectionate and dear
Cares would be ended if I knew that he
Wanted to have me near
But I believe that since my life began
The most I've had is just a talent to amuse
Heigh-ho! If love were all!

[Catshrink]

5. I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time
He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession

Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more I am tempted to say ninety-nine
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the village is proud of him in his decline

At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall
The oldest inhabitant croaks:

Well of all things can it be really
No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye!
My mind may be wandering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

[Norbert]

6. Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins

Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait
You'll be sorry but your tears will be too late
You'll be broke and I'll have money
Will I help you, don't be funny
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait


Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins 'till you're sick
And you screams to fetch a doctor double quick
I'll be off a second later
And go straight to the theater
Oh oh oh, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait


Ooh, 'enry 'iggins
Just you wait until we're swimming in the sea
Ooh, 'enry 'iggins
And you get a cramp a little way from me
When you yell you're going to drown
I'll get dressed and go to town
Oh oh oh, 'enry 'iggins, oh oh oh, 'enry 'iggins
Just you wait


One day I'll be famous, I'll be proper and prim
Go to St. James so often I will call it St. Jim
One evening the King will say Eliza, old thing
I want all of England your praises to sing
Next week on the 20th of May
I proclaim Eliza Doolitle Day
All the people will celebrate the glory of you
And whatever you wish and want I gladly will do
Thanks a lot King, says I in a manner well bred
But all I want is 'enry 'iggins' 'ead


Done, says the king with stroke
Guard, run and bring in the bloke
Then they'll march you, 'enry 'iggins, to the wall
And the king will tell Eliza, sound the call
As they lift their rifles higher
I'll shout ready, aim, fire
Oh oh oh, 'enry 'iggins
Down you'll go, 'enry 'iggins
Just you wait


You wanted a show tune and this is the first thing that popped into my weary head.

[SmileyBoy]

8. Won't you come home Bill Bailey, Won't you come home...

I'll wait the whole night loooooooooong...

[Az]

9. There was a time when men were kind

When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed


Still too dark?

[OneBlueSky]

10. Consider Yourself . . . from "Oliver" . . .

DODGER(spoken)
So, Oliver Twist, you're coming with me.

OLIVER(spoken)
Are you sure Mr. Fagin won't mind?

DODGER(spoken)
Mind?!

Consider yourself at home.
Consider yourself one of the family.
We've taken to you so strong.
It's clear we're going to get along.
Consider yourself well in
Consider yourself part of the furniture.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Who cares?..What ever we've got we share!

If it should chance to be
We should see
Some harder days
Empty larder days
Why grouse?
Always a-chance we'll meet
Somebody
To foot the bill
Then the drinks are on the house!
Consider yourself our mate.
We do't want to have no fuss,
For after some consideration, we can state...
Consider yourself
One of us!

Consider yourself...

OLIVER
At home?

DODGER
Consider yourself...

OLIVER
One of the family

CAPTAIN
We've taken to you

OLIVER
So strong

HAND WALKER
It's clear...we're...

ALL
Going to get along

DODGER
Consider yourself...

CHARLIE BATES
Well in!

DODGER
Consider yourself...

SNAKE
Part of the furniture

OLIVER
There isn't a lot to spare

ALL
Who cares?
Whatever we got we share

DODGER
Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah or uppity--
There a cup-o'-tea for all.

ALL
Only it's wise to be handy with a rolling pin
When the landlord comes to call!

DODGER
Consider yourself
Our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss

ALL
For after some consideration we can state

OLIVER
Considter yourself

DODGER
Yes!

ALL
One of us!

COMPANY
Consider yourself at home...
We've taken to you so strong.
Consider yourself well in...
There isn't a lot to spare
If it should chance to be
We should see
Some harder days
Empty larder days --
Why grouse?
Always a chane we'll meet
Somebody
To food the bill --
Then the drinks are on the house!

Consider yourself our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some consideration, we can state...
Consider yourself...
One of us!

DODGER
Consider yourself

ALL
At home.

DODGER
We've taken to you

ALL
So strong

DODGER
Consider yourself

ALL
Well in.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah or uppity.
There's a cup-o'-tea for all
Only it's wise to be handy wiv a rolling pin
Wen the landlord comes to call

Consider yourself our mate
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself
One of us...

For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself...
One of us!

If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days,
Empyt larder days,
Why grouse?
Always a chance we'll meet
Somebody to foot the bill.
Then the drinks are on the house.

Consider yourself at home.
Consider yourself one of the family.
We've taken to you so strong.
It's clear we're going to get along.
Consider yourself well in.
Consider yourself part of the furniture.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Who cares?
Whatever we've got we share.

If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days,
Empty larder days,
Why grouse?
Always a chance we'll meet
Somebody to foot the bill.
Then the drinks are on the house.

Consider yourself our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some considertaion we can state
Consider yourself...
One of us!!

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

11. Which version of "Everything's Comin' Up Roses" are you singing?

The Rosalind Russell version?

The Ethel Merman version?

Or my favorite, the Michael Jeter version from "Fisher King"?