Physicals: when men complain about the finger in the ass

[Skittles]

I scream at them DOES THE DOCTOR STICK A FINGERNAIL FILE IN YOUR ASS AND SCRAPE THE SIDES? NO? THEN SHUT THE F*** UP.

<A Skittles rant>

[Whitacre D_WI]

1. What about a speculum in the ass?

I'd bet that would be rather unpleasant.

[mitchum]

4. Well, I guess that you're not Max Hardcore posting incognito

:)

[DS1]

35. Yeah, mmmm hmmm, look at that

nevermind :)

[Skittles]

40. IS THAT THE DOUBLE SHOEHORN???

COLD AS ICE??? DON'T GET ME F***ING STARTED. :o

[DS1]

2. You scream a lot.

[TrogL]

3. My doctor gets annoyed

when he does the exam and I get all oooooohhhh and moaning and giggly.

[mitchum]

6. I also ask mine to put on some techno

JOKE!!!

[tjwash]

17. The bad part is when the finger goes in....

...and the guy won't even buy me a drink beforehand!!

[dweller]

5. Dr. DRE

gets no respect...

:P
dp

[kanrok]

7. Hey, wait...My doctor DOES stick a fingernail file

up my ass and scrape the sides! After all these years, you think he'd know the difference between a rectal exam and a pap smear! Boy...color me embarassed!

[ohiosmith]

8. The fear is that following the insertion, the doctor will place BOTH hands

on your shoulders.

[ldf]

29. BWHAHAHAHAHA!!

that is so funny.

:-)

[Blue-Jay]

9. Hey, I don't want a finger in my ass.

(unless we have dinner and a movie first)

[Whitacre D_WI]

10. Or a couple of beers.

As I learned over Xmas....

[Blue-Jay]

11. It wasn't the beer, you blabbermouth!

It was the tequila. Furthermore, you should trim your fingernails more often.

[Whitacre D_WI]

14. Ah, yes.

Well, I filed them down to make them sharper. Didn't you notice?

[Blue-Jay]

16. I did indeed.

So did my donut-pillow. In retrospect you never did show me your diploma from medical school.

(I'm starting to feel used)

[khashka]

15. I actually said that!

It's an old joke... but he did it and I looked over my shoulder and said "A gentleman would have taken me to dinner and a movie first". He went not red, but apoplectic purple. I had to find another Dr.

The thing is there is no good reason for it to hurt. At all. But most Dr's don't use the lube right, most guys clamp down hard because they expect it to hurt. And it does.

Trust me. A little music, a glass of wine, a little foreplay - no prob.

Goddess, you straight boys are such wimps! :)

(As for the dreaded speculum - again not that big a deal. Here's a hint: if it hurts, somebody is doing something wrong. If any of you straight guys are facing a prostate exam, bite the bullet and get a decent book on anal sex. It will explain how to do it without pain. And a finger ain't exactly a penis or a dildo, now is it?)

Khash.

[TrogL]

18. Regrettably, no

I sometimes recommend he use two fingers but he just glares at me.

[Skittles]

41. LOL

Lordy, Trogl. :7

[Blue-Jay]

30. I'm not a "wimp"!

Just a hopeless romantic. :D

[camero]

12. Haven't had one yet

And I'll be 37 on Saturday. I probably won't get one either because I get charity care.

I wouldn't be complaining because I do realize it's a medical procedure. Just keep the cortisone shot away.

[Lars39]

13. Or let them get a uterine biopsy!!!!

Then we'll talk. :o

[SW FL Dem]

48. Been there, done that

no fun. No way hubby could have done it.

[name not needed]

19. Male STD Test

You get a q tip shoved 2 inches down the shaft of your penis. And they twist it around while they swab. Things were not meant to go in that hole.

[dweller]

28. boy, things have progressed

at one time that was a wirey thing with a loop in the end...fun part was watching the dr. heat it over a flame to sterilize it first...

then there's the catheter you get for surgery....heheh. Not so bad in that it works, open valve=flow, close valve=shutoff...curious little object...until they decide you don't need it anymore...the catheter i mean.

if they don't have a pain pill for you in one hand, don't let'm take out the catheter with the other hand.

trust me,
dp

[name not needed]

34. eep.

but i still wouldnt want anything shoved up my pee hole.

[Skittles]

42. when you pull your lips over your head

you can talk

[Gildor Inglorion]

47. You're 15 years old?

Where, oh where, do you learn these grisly things? I'm ANCIENT, and I didn't know that. I wish I didn't know it now. *shudder*

[name not needed]

50. from someone on another board

who was subjected to it.

[jonnyblitz]

20. no comment here from the gay guy.

I am not saying anything.

[geniph]

21. I'm with you there, Skittles

Also, I have yet to have a regular GYN exam that did not also include a brief probe of that orifice as well - and at one point in my 20s, when I was having a string of problems, I was having a pelvic exam every six weeks. No crybabies allowed.

Until a guy has a doc stick what looks like a pair of garden shears up his hoo-hah to cut out the polyps (as I had to have done with cervical polyps), I think it's pretty pathetic to whine about one little pinky.

...besides, every guy I've ever dated has very much enjoyed it when *I* did it...shit, they pout if you DON'T do it!

[Skittles]

43. LOL

GENIPH, you're a HOOT!

[ornotna]

22. Fingernail file?

You going to a doctor or a nail technician? :shrug:

[Skittles]

44. well I don't know what they call it

but that's what it freaking FEELS LIKE

[Padraig18]

23. Guys actually COMPLAIN?

Who knew? :shrug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. lol you are funny!

yeah who knew!

[bigwillq]

32. The only thing I would complain about with a finger in the bum

is that it's too small. Relax and enjoy.

[retread]

24. Let me get this straight. You're equating a prostrate exam to

a pap smear??

[Skittles]

45. UM...................YES

dear GOD if men had to go through the things women do

[Ladyhawk]

25. Try a colonoscopy when the drugs don't work.

I could write a book about it...My First Anal Probe.

[DarkPhenyx]

26. Ever had a proctoscope?

No? Then shut the fuck up!

[VelmaD]

27. I think that those things are illegal...

in Texas. ;-)

[TheMightyFavog]

39. "When they pull that thing out...

YOU ARE AN EVINRUDE!!!!!" -- Robin Williams

[Iris]

33. for some reason this post reminds me of SNL's "Deep Thoughts"

Al Franken. . . you belong here!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

36. They're just joking

they like it

[Guaranteed]

37. Hey, NO SEX THREADS. nt

[NewHampster]

38. I go to a Woman Doctor

No complaints here

[TXlib]

46. That's what I should do...

when the time comes.

[BiggJawn]

49. Me too. and she has small hands.

"You gotta reach up there FURTHER, Doc!"

[Forkboy]

51. Hey I dont like Dr Jelly Finger....sue me!

:D