A new species is discovered;

[greiner3]

New, Delicious Species Discovered

MANAUS, BRAZIL—An international team of scientists conducting research in the Amazon River Basin announced the discovery of a formerly unknown primate species inhabiting a remote jungle area roughly 300 miles from Manaus Monday. According to scientists in Manaus, the new species, Ateles saporis, is "an amazing biological find" and "incredibly delectable."

"We couldn't be more thrilled!" German researcher Dr. Jerome Keller told reporters Tuesday. "Very few scientists are lucky enough to discover a new species, let alone a mammal with a palatability on par with a tender, juicy steak." "This is a seriously tasty creature," Keller added.

Although the creature resembles a large kitten, as a member of the Ateles genus, it is more closely related to wooly and spider monkeys. Ateles saporis, informally known as the delicacy ape, is a tree-dwelling herbivore that can measure up to a meter from head to tail. The adult delicacy ape weighs between 35 and 40 pounds and tastes wonderful with a currant glaze.

snip

"The gular sac is a throat pouch that can be inflated, allowing the animal to make loud calls that resonate through the treetops," Keller said. "More importantly, the pouch can be stuffed with nuts or dried fruits prior to roasting."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31017

After a week like we just had, the Onion is MY refuge in the storm.

[Ezlivin]

1. It's low fat and low carbs too

God, you had me there. I was reading this as truth until I got to your link.

Happy eve of Christmas Eve!

[Quakerfriend]

2. How disgusting!

They discover a new species, and all they can do is rave about how good it tastes!

[MercutioATC]

3. You DID read the address in the link, right?

(The Onion)

[Quakerfriend]

8. Uups! Me bad!

[MercutioATC]

9. I just didn't want you to be needlessly upset...

:hi:

[depakid]

4. It's the onion

Also, ape don't live in Brazil.

That said, sometimes the Onion's satire is right on....

[Hyernel]

10. I'm pretty sure Brazil has monkeys...

...succulent, mouth-watering monkeys!

[depakid]

15. Not apes, though

Had I been up on my Latin, I would have known that genus ateles are spider monkeys, informally known as the delicacy ape. :9

[jeff30997]

5. So you really fell for it isn't it ?

:P

[nadinbrzezinski]

6. It is the ONION for cyring out loud

like claimugn the daily show is real news

[gristy]

7. I second that!

This flys in the face of all that I stand for and/or against, as the case may be.

[madrchsod]

11. but what about the poor reptile families in illinois?

[Big Kahuna]

12. I love the "Related Links"

"World scientists admit, they just don't like mice"

"New Study: Best laid plans of mice, usually involve cheese"

"Mad Scientist's evil plot foiled by budget cuts"

:rofl:

[Warpy]

13. Remember the Schmoo??

It tasted like steak and begged to be eaten, would jump right into a skillet if it saw one.

Fiscal conservatives hated the schmoo and wanted it hunted to extinction. It destroyed the work ethic. Starving people work harder, yanno.

[mike_c]

14. AARRGGHH!!! The Onion got me again!

Good one!

[sakabatou]

16. Urgh...

[Vinnie From Indy]

17. The old story

A police officer catches a man and his family camping out of their car and roasting a bald eagle over a fire. The police arrest the man and take him to court. The man tells the judge that the bird flew in front of his car and was killed. Because his family was so poor they decided to eat the bird instead of letting it go to waste. The judge takes the man's story into consideration and let's him go with time served. As the man is leaving the judge asks him what a bald eagle tastes like and the man replies, "It's just like manatee but not as juicy!"

[haydukelives]

18. LOL

kick