The New Faith Based Internet (Satire)

[KingOfLostSouls]

my own little lampoon of christian fundies who preach "creationism (/radical christianity)" and despise "atheist" ideas like science and evolution. something to nail them on various blogs and message boards with because well, listening to the same old "blah blah blah liberals socialist clinton's penis" deserves some lampooning.

Attenion All You Wacky Christians Out There.

tired of atheists/democrats/socialists/satanists/liberals/commies/clintonites ruining your chatting?

bored of the same old dialup "SHHHHHCKKK?"

well now YOU TOO can chat and post on message boards just like these lucky christian bush loving folk

since they don't believe in science and technology, you know, tools of "da debil" and atheists, they're using the new and improved Falwell Faith Systems Prayer Board v.4!

with your free subscription to the christian broadcasting network, which isn't REALLY on your television but is PRAYED directly into your brain (which doesn't exist, because you have to have faith in science to believe it does), you too can make use of this amazing new system.

yes folks, for only 39.95 a month, you can make use of the new faith based internet. all you gotta do is drop to your knees and send a prayer up with a loud, "GOD BLESS GEORGE W. BUSH!" and be connected with thousands, nay, MILLIONS of believers just like you. Yes, its THAT SIMPLE! No wires. No computer. No science, No technology. Hell, NO BRAINS REQUIRED! All you needs is a lil FAITH.

don't "believe" us, just ask one of our satisfied customers!

"I subscribed to the new falwell systems and I've never had to bother myself with reading, writing, math, or science, or other heathen tools anymore. I can spend my day sending prayer to other believers and devote my time to my favorite hobby, snake handling."

Its that easy folks, trust us!

act now folks and don't miss out on this exciting new offer! operators are standing by to take your calls.

"I lost my mind and haven't looked back. I couldn't be happier!" says our celebrity endorsee Pat Robertson.

Yes folks a whole new way to go WIRELESS. Call now and buy your new Falwell Systems Faith Systems Board and cut the brain wires and get FAITH BASED today!

disclaimer: not responsible for suicide bombings, airplane crashes, exploded office buildings, and stolen elections. patent pending.

[hippywife]

1. Doesn't this come with

it's own built-in firewall? ;)

[realFedUp]

2. moving to GD

rfu, moderator