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Time really creeps up on us, doesn't it. It just seems like yesterday I was in the loathesome period of my life called adolesence, and even before that my childhood. With my turning twenty-one I am expected to be a man by western ideals, but I became one at eighteen when I made the decision to do it on my on.
Being a man is hard work, and no doubt is being a woman. I am saying this because I remembered my father coming in from work and doing nothing but crashing on the recliner and falling asleep. I always wondered how someone could do this, just come in and fall asleep in an instant. I know now, it's working that drives someone to sleep so quickly.
I see my father in me in certain ways, and I see my mother in me. It's an eccentric mixture of futility and resolve. My mother would always be home, there when we needed her and there when we didn't, but we all know we always need our mothers. The profound respect one has for their parents is only noticed after they have reached the threshold of adulthood.
With me becoming an "adult", I notice how silly, yet rigid life is. Throughout this so far short journey I have spent 80 percent either single or in some sort of relationship. I dare not recollect on my past relationships because they are now obscure and I view them rediculous. However, my single life is something I have no problems with saying goodbye to. It's such a overated thing to me.
The single life to me is a lull chase for something many people do not want at my age. The age old comittment of love and happiness has long since faded into animals fanatically chasing something they can't have, but I have found what I need, not what I want. I found this in Ruffa a couple of years ago.
To me, the single life has nothing on coming home to a beautiful face and kissing the one that livens the soul up like boiling water on a stove. The decision to give myself to her wasn't made on a whim, but it was a refined decision. The solitude of my life had been opened up by her. She was that one person in this entire world that held the key and I have nothing but an eternal joy to share with her in the years to come.
This coming year will be one to great changes, and a new life for the both of us. I look forward to wearing my ring and telling stories of the married life much like most of the men in the old barber shops did. Call me old fashioned, but I find the ultimate romance in sharing the heart, and not the constant desire for changing ideals over the years.
Therefore, my resolution for this year is to be the man that Ruffa is going to marry, and no one else. I'm going to work so hard at us existing, that I will come into life's recliner and pass out, because it is something worth more than money,phony friends,cars, or anything material for that matter.
I'm going to be the man that I have always been, the one that is faithful, loving, and fearless. I can't wait.
Merry Seasons to you all
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