My Sister is Killing My 23 yearold Autistic Nephew...

[Chicago Democrat]

He was taken care of thru school until age 21. Now he just sits and plays his video game.

He looks like he's starving, he doesn't get any exercise or vitamins.


He can hardly walk at all.


He is wasting away and looks just like an Auchwitz victim. He has huge oozing cysts that don't ever heal. They live near toxic waste.


His brother told me he looks like he's gonna die any day.


My sister is in total, utter, complete denial that there is 'anything wrong'.

He needs help and I got her to agree to 'take him to a doctor', but the doctors that treat medicaid patients are notoriously bad.

I want a real doctor to see him. He needs physical therapy. He has Medicaid.

ITS LIKE THERE IS NO HOPE ! I am going insane. I am insane.

[madeline_con]

1. Call the authorities....

or be ready to take him in, if you want to challenge custody.

I work with disabled middle schoolers. It's amazing how badly some of our students are cared for at home!

[Chicago Democrat]

15. Yes, its Carrot and Stick...

That's the biggest stick... We've just started..


Um... like 2 other sticks before that...

First stick is "IF HE DIES I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"

Second stick "Unless you obey we will take away your money"

Last one "Im calling the authorities"

I am going insane. I can't care for him! He loves his mom. I want her to do the right thing!


He just needs professionals to make sure he gets exercise, nutrition and my sister needs to REALISE she an idiot. Sorry, um. in error.. that's it..

[Whoa_Nelly]

Make some inquiries re: Social Services

for Disables Adults. You don't have to share with them any more than you wish, but they may be able to offer resources for you to follow up on that may help save your nephew.

[question everything]

2. Contact the society for autism near you

http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ChapterMap#IL and see if you can get a state agency to intervene.

My heart goes to you, and to your sister. Raising an autistic child must be one of the hardest think for anyone to do.

Good luck

[Chicago Democrat]

18. I wish I could 'fix' him totally, now I just want him to live...

There is absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.

They're just white trash who don't know no better. Its just how it is... They're using his 600 per month to fund other things. I am so so so so so so so sos oso in despair! I want to help. I don't want to destroy, They are just VEry uneducated and stupid people. Plus they eat shit.

Sugar, and canned meat.

[Nicole]

29. Use the money approach

They're using his 600 per month to fund other things.

Remind your sister that if your nephew dies, she will lose the $600 per month.

[Spinzonner]

3. I expect that a doctor will get Adult Protective Services involved

There are laws requiring suspect cases to be reported.

If she doesn't take him, perhaps you will need to call them.

In any case, be prepared for difficulties.

It might be better if she initiates the process and indicates she can't handle the situation, but you might get legal advice on that.

[Chicago Democrat]

20. Yes, its the last of the 3 sticks...

I know. When a doctor sees him, I know. That's why I want MY DOCTOR to see him. Without my sister in the room. And I wanna talk to the doctor.

There is some money. I have some, I can pay for alot of things. My sister is such in denial. How can she not see how bad it is?

[EFerrari]

37. Maybe your sister is tired.

It's not uncommom for carers to get so tired they can't think straight. It's happened to me many times.

[zanne]

42. Good point, sfexpat2000

I'm a caregiver, too, and the stress of caring for someone like that 24/7 cannot really be understood unless it's experienced. Maybe the sister needs some respite.

[NC_Nurse]

4. There is hope.

He definitely needs to get to a doctor. There is probably an Autism Society chapter there too that your family can contact for help.

If all else fails, call a helpline where someone can direct you to community resources. It sounds like your sister needs some help with him. It's tough having an autistic adult child, y'all need some support and services.

[hlthe2b]

5. I have to agree.with post 1

The only ethical/moral thing you can do is contact the Dept. of Family Services or Social Services ASAP. Even institutionalized, your nephew will receive better care. Your sister sounds in denial and exhausted from the years of stress caring for an autistic child. No need to judge her. She is essentially sick as well. But, you have to live with yourself. Do what you can for your nephew. Please.

[wicket]

10. Amen

:thumbsup:

[Warpy]

6. Drop a dime on her, call her social worker

You know she's got one if the kid is getting Medicaid.

If that doesn't work, call the cops.

If that doesn't work, swoop in, grab him, and take him to an emergency room at a hospital that accepts Medicaid.

She may be unable to get him to eat. That happens, too.

[Inland]

7. If you really think your sister is killing him, tell the state.

Otherwise, he'll die and it will be your fault in part. Don't tell us. We can't help, so it's just a phone call you have to make.

[Inland]

8. If you really think your sister is killing him, tell the state.

Otherwise, he'll die and it will be your fault in part. Don't tell us. We can't help, so it's just a phone call you have to make.

[Junkdrawer]

9. Perhaps these folks could help...

http://www.chgoarc.org/

312.346.6230

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

11. Contact the authorities

Even if your nephew is over age, I'm sure because of his condition he is in the custodial care of your sister. The authorities should be contacted.

I know a doctor who is using the very latest research to prescribe treatments for autistic people. One of the things she has found out from reading the research papers is that autistic people tend to not be able to process toxins out of their body via the liver. If your sister lives near a toxic site, this could only be exascerbating the problem. There are possible treatments/therapies that could help your nephew, but only if your sister is willing to face the problem and do something about it.

[Chicago Democrat]

22. Ok, so there is thing called "custodial care"

Shouldn't I start with a doctor. I will find out if she has 'custodial care'

I'm gonna google that..

He has a nice place, nice things. Its like WTF! Why is his muscles all gone. The poor guy can hardly walk. sugared coke and two meals a day. fat and carbs. zero nutrition. SO IDIOTIC! SO STUPID!

Its like murder! Its murder by ignorance.

See Grandma is the only one she even listens to. She refuses to 'believe' that their well water might have caused these cysts. She is so so in denial.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

26. You need to go to your Board of Health

Don't know where sister and grandma live, but I know there are local boards of health that can check well water, etc. If it is as contaminated as you suspect, you might wish to get the state version of the EPA involved as well.

And you are right about the diet not being good. Check for someone certified in Integrative Medicine or Holistic Medicine-I'm talking MDs here- because those MDs seem to know the most about proper diet for good health or regaining health.

[lildreamer316]

12. I was on Medicaid during my pregnancy.

I was treated as well as anyone else EXCEPT at the public health place. Go figure. Hospital treated me wonderfully; bless them.

[Cleita]

13. If he has Medicaid take him to the nearest hospital emergency

room that accepts it. The doctors will evaluate him and get social services involved if they feel he's being neglected.

[Chicago Democrat]

35. Essentially yes. we are getting him there "this week"

In the meantime the smarter kids are trying to get him to eat something besides coca cola.

Like Protein powders and such..


Thankyou all for the compassion you have shown here. DU does have some nice people.

[Redstone]

14. Doesn't your state have a Department of Youth and Families, or

some such? Just call them. In most states, they are REQUIRED to investigate EVERY report.

Redstone

[proud2BlibKansan]

16. All of the above

and let us know what happens.

[mcctatas]

17. If you are interested, my mom may be able to suggest a colleague that

would see him. She is on the governors task force on autism here in WI, and presents with many professionals from all over the country and the UK. Her focus is primarily children, but she may have some ideas. Send me a message if you would like some resources/referrals:)

mcctatas

[Chicago Democrat]

21. They're in Fox Lake....

So its not too far. I want to handle this in the family.

[WindRavenX]

19. call 9/11

If he's that bad...you need to call.

[MadisonProgressive]

23. If it's really as dire as you say, call the police!

[wellstone dem]

24. Cotact Social Services

depending on the state, there may be many options besides living with you or living with mom. Here in MN we have what are called "Semin-independent living facilities" which are for people who need help with some, but not all of the basics. Also, there is adult foster care. A friend of mine who has a son who is in his 20s who was brain injured at about 13, just enrolled him into a special living program. She says he is so excited because he was depressed about not being able to live on his own and having to live with his folkd. It may be that he spends so much time on the computer because he lacks hope, or it may be a symptom of his autism. In any case, there is help out there.

[madrchsod]

25. google---autistic society of chicago

there is plenty of help out there for him and your sister- start calling tomorrow at 9 o`clock. carl sandburg wrote -"city of broad shoulders" i`m sure they are big enough for your family....let us know

[madrchsod]

27. didn`t read they are in fox lake

http://www.autismillinois.org/ this site has a lot of links and there is a chapter that is in the fox lake area..good luck and call tomorrow...you could check out the chicago site also for more info on the problem.

[welshTerrier2]

28. a few random ideas ...

if the situation is truly urgent and immediate, you may have no real choices ... in a life threatening situation, all bets are off ...

but if that's not the case, a "successful" approach would seek a way to get your nephew the help he needs without jeopardizing your relationship with your sister ... if your sister is alienated by your intervention, you might permanently destroy any chance to be an influence on her in the future ...

so, the best "solution" would be one where your nephew gets the help he needs and you don't alienate your sister ... of course, the best solution is not always possible ...

if you haven't already done so, i would recommend talking to an autism advocacy group ... let them know your perception of the situation and ask them for advice on what to do ... again, if your nephew's health is not an emergency, maybe finding an affordable path to better care might be something your sister would be willing to consider ... bringing in the storm troopers may ultimately be needed but it would be better not to have to start there ...

i'm anything but an expert in these matters but i know there are many associations staffed with very dedicated people ... i found this list of autism advocacy groups that is broken down by state:

http://www.autism-pdd.net/advocacy.html

also, check out the book Evidence of Harm ... the author, David Kirby, is a warrior for those afflicted with autism ... perhaps there's a way to contact him for a referral ...

i really hope this helps ... please keep us posted ...

[Chicago Democrat]

31. Yes! That is essentially MY PLAN... First Grandma is doing all the

talking.

Grandma is loaded with money, plus she is the only one my sister respects!


I am just getting information from the other 6 kids, 2 of which are helping me get my sister 'educated'.


Grandma got her to agree to take to Doctor. I expect doctor will send him to a hospital for tests and for physical therapy. There may be something else besides wasting that is happening..


This week Grandma is following up. Grandma is going to ask to be able to speak to the doctor directly.

So a plan is in action and my family relations are intact.


Good to know a bit of the law on this..thanks to everyone. Stevie needs professional care and continued love. Right now, love just isnt enough!

[ultraist]

30. There are good doctors that take Medicaid

Especially at teaching hospitals. Try to take him to the Dr. somewhere reputable. If the doctor sees neglect or abuse, he/she will have to report it by law.

I'd hold off on calling Adult Protective Services, first, let the Dr. determine and secondly, he may not be better off institutionalized. Some foster homes and institutions abuse disabled people worse than the family.

See what the doctor says and if your sister doesn't comply so that your nephew gets better, then consider taking the next step to have him removed.


Good luck, he's lucky to have you advocate for him.

[Chicago Democrat]

33. its like part of me is dying and I am going nuts...

and I am..

[anitar1]

39. Again, hoHow many hours a week do you look after your nephew?

And how often do other family members look after him?

[ultraist]

40. Nothing harder than to watch a loved one suffer

And feel powerless. :hug:

But, you can make a difference in your nephew's life. Hang in there.

Your sister may actually welcome some additional support, it's got to be a stressful job caring for a young adult with autism. Oftentimes, Social Services will offer an in home Social worker to help the family. You may want to call your county SS and ask what services are available for a low income disabled adult. I'd also check with the local autism org, as others have suggested.

[BadgerKid]

32. trying to look up

petitioning for protection order. Sadly, all websites either address children or seniors.

[Historic NY]

34. Please Chicago Democrat call Adult Protective Services.......

that handles your county. You can make an anonymous report in most cases. Don't wait and don't fret you will be doing the right thing.

[FreedomAngel82]

36. Can you not get child services or something???

Is there anything you can do to help him?

[anitar1]

38. Of course our country has fabulous places for all of

those needing help. Maybe Social Services will put his Mother in jail and then all the rest of your family can take care of him for a few years. Wonder how much of his care is shared among you? Not much, I would guess. and she has raised other children besides him? I would say that having the total care a an autistic child is very time comsuming.

[applegrove]

41. Call the authorities. Call them now. Get your sister help. Get your

nephew help. Do something. Bring a social worker in to look over the situation and then the'll call the authorities.

Scream and yell. Otherwise your life will be poison. DO SOMETHING!