I almost got hit by tonnes of burning sulphur today.

[Taxloss]

It just fell from the sky, smashed down near me while I was walking to the station to go to work. Really made a mess. Sheets of flame started gouting up from the fissures it caused in the ground. I think they'll have to resurface that stretch of Old Street, London EC1.

If that wasn't enough, traffic was a nightmare. For a start, there were the mules riding peasants, and lions laying down with lambs in the middle of the road. But the thing causing tailbacks all the way to the North Circular Road was the Whore of Babylon, riding into the city atop a beast and drinking from a great cup of filth.

Work itself wasn't much better. My colleagues have all announced that they're going to marry pigs, goats, horses, brothers and sisters, dead relatives, furniture and Britney Spears. This means that there'll be overtime all round, not to mention maternity, paternity, fraternity, sorority, necrology, animal husbandry and DIY leave to arrange. Plus, the mountains of fire that fell boiling into the ocean made the office rather stuffy, the emergency baptism of all my Jewish colleagues meant I wasn't able to get to the water cooler, and I missed the BBC coverage of the breaking of the seventh seal.

I was wondering why today was turning out so very badly when suddenly I remembered: homosexual civil partnerships became legal in the United Kingdom yesterday, and it turns out everything the religious right warned about was true.



In real life, however, nothing whatsoever changed.

[atommom]

1. What? No rain of toads?

I'm sure the fundies here in Kansas will be very disappointed to hear that. ;)

[LongTomH]

9. Forecast: Clear to Partly Froggy

Actually, I stole that from the title of a Scientific American op-ed article published after the Rev. Pat Robertson predicted a similar fate for Miama, Fla after they passed a human rights measure which, among other things, guaranteed protection for people of different sexual orientation.

[Taxloss]

16. Well, it made me laugh. Thanks for that. n/t

[atommom]

21. LOL!

[LisaM]

13. I believed you for a minute because I saw sheet metal fall off a building

today - off the roof, and it crashed down, maybe 25 stories, and knocked down a woman (this is true.) Thank God it didn't slice off her arm. It was quite frightening.

[NMDemDist2]

2. ROFL K & N n/t

[Dark]

3. Yep, Revalations is a'comin. Ripintin' is yur only way to salvasion!

n/t

[bammertheblue]

oh god, I'm such a spaz

I read the subject line and was like "Really? Ouch!"
However, I would like some sorority leave, please, if you have some to spare.
Isn't Elton John getting married soon? (Because that's all that matters, celebrities. :sarcasm: sorry)

[Arugula Latte]

14. And George Michael is marrying his man!

:woohoo:

[bammertheblue]

17. Everybody get married

ready, set, GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HURRAY!!!

[bammertheblue]

4. dupe

dupe

[crispini]

5. Oh, man, marry me...

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Taxloss]

7. I'm afraid I'm betrothed to a set of nesting occasional tables.

And they said it wouldn't last.

[crispini]

8. SNORK!

Well, congratulations and I wish you great joy.

Although apparently ..... there are some who'd like to marry an object....
http://www.berlinermauer.se/

[NNN0LHI]

6. Sounds like Freedom Phosphorous to me n/t

[Cats Against Frist]

10. ROTFL -- and I NEVER rotfl

But the thing causing tailbacks all the way to the North Circular Road was the Whore of Babylon, riding into the city atop a beast and drinking from a great cup of filth.



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Ikonoklast]

11. You had me going there for a minute

until you mentioned getting married to Britney Spears. Then I knew you were kidding.


Who'd marry that moon-faced cow?

[Ezlivin]

12. I'll be damned, but you probably already knew that

I sure hope you get your 666 forehead tattoo so that you can buy stuff. It's a bitch to be on the dole.

[democrank]

15. Sweet Jesus! Drinking from a cup of filth?

I knew it, I tell you, I just knew it. I almost can`t bear to even type the word....h _ m _ s _ x _ a _ . Now I have to add CIVIL PARTNERSHIP after it? Once this type behavior is accepted, your WHOLE COUNTRY will become...well, you know.

I heard one of our religious leaders say that God took the Twin Towers down because New York has so many h _ m _ s _ x _ a _ s. I`m mentioning this so you`ll understand why you had all that boiling ocean trouble and all that nasty goat business.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

18. I believed you for a minute....

because I had a sheet of sheet rock fall from the ceiling of my shower 30 seconds after I stepped out.

Okay, I knew there was a leak, and it looked kinda dangerous, but I had to shower before work, ya know?

I was very grateful I didn't die, and the grass was greener for days afterwords. :)

[newswolf56]

19. I wanted to look back, but this woman next to me did and she...

was turned into a pillar of salt.

[lonestarnot]

20. Great piece!

:beer:

[stevedeshazer]

22. Awful thing, that burning sulphur odour

And the goats, those filthy things. It makes one shudder, doesn't it?

:rofl: Best post all day, thanks for the laugh, most needed in these depressing times.

[Straight Shooter]

23. LOL.

Most excellent. Splendid writing, especially the bit about the Whore of Babylon. :thumbsup:

[Cleita]

24. LOL

You lived to tell the tale.

[madrchsod]

25. what no pillars of salt?

must have been a trial run..praise jesus!

[Schema Thing]

26. Duncan?

[Canuckistanian]

27. Bloody brilliant! K&R!

[Politicub]

28. Hilarious!

I toast you with a great cup of filth!

:rofl:

[LittleClarkie]

29. Now wouldn't Pat Robertson be upset if the rapture happened

and there he sits.

[rmgustaf]

30. Recommended for t3h w1nnn!!!1 (nim)

:D

[myrna minx]

31. Thank you for this!

I'm emailing it around to my friends. :kick:

[mirrera]

32. 14 threads later and I am finally friggin LMAO!

Thank you! I love this place you are seriously crackin me up. After that incredibly heart wrenching Nobel Lecture by Pinter
(http://nobelprize.org/literature/laureates/2005/pinter-lecture-e.html) and me thinking I can never smile again, while my beautiful son learns to be hypnotized and brings home a report on President Lincoln where he says "John Wilkes Booth blamed lincoln for all the South's stuff that went wrong"... thank you!

http://NoBullshiRt.com

[rockymountaindem]

33. You're tops, chap!

How was that? Cheezily British enough for you!?

[understandinglife]

34. Superb. Thank you!

Peace.

[usedtobesick]

35. Outstanding! But amazing that people almost expected it...

[Elidor]

36. What a great post

:)

[NuttyFluffers]

37. you have my undying love. well, after the whore of babylon of course.

:evilgrin:
thankfully america is spared this madness -- we just have a decaying empire that's globally hated, going bankrupt, doesn't produce anything and thus dependent upon foreign powers to be propped up, while its populace tries to strangle off any last vestiges of civility and learning. so, nya, nya, nya; who's sorry now!?

[Canadian Socialist]

38. OMG! If this happened in the UK

when they only made civil unions legal... I'm afraid to go outside, 'cause here? We went whole hog and made equal MARRIAGE legal. Oh, we're going to burn! Wait, that was quite a while ago and nothing.:shrug:

[Melissa G]

39. exxxcelllennt! n/t

[kliljedahl]

40. Hilarious, excellent post

Wish it weren't too late to nominate, you'd have my vote.



Keith’s Barbeque Central

[CatBoreal]

41. Oh! Too funny!

Going to send this off to my sister in Bristol.

Should make her laugh. Thanks!

[katinmn]

42. Lions laid down with lambs in the middle of the street?

Hey, it wasn't all bad.

Awesome!

:hi:

[Swamp Rat]

43. You had a rough day too, huh?!

I was almost burnt at the stake by Witchsmeller Pursuivant. :D

"I'm a witch! I'm a witch!"

"Me too! Me too!"

:D

[Octafish]

44. Send for the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!

"You see, My Lord, how the Duck of Taunton lives within him!!!"

[Swamp Rat]

45. "That proves it!"