Raising introverted children can prove challenging

[Thom Little]

The attitude that there's something wrong with introverted people is widely shared in society, where fast talk and snap decisions are valued over listening, deliberation and careful planning. Extroverts seem to rule the world or, at least, the United States, which hasn't elected an introverted president for three decades, since Jimmy Carter.

"The signals we get from the world agree that extroversion is valued," says Sanford Cohn, an associate professor in curriculum and instruction at Arizona State University. "A lot of the messages we get from society have to do with being social, and in order to be social you have to behave a certain way."

But that is impossible for introverted children. Raising them isn't easy, particularly if parents, family members, teachers, coaches and other adults don't allow them to be who they are.

Introverted children enjoy the internal world of thoughts, feelings and fantasies, and there's a physiological reason for this. In using brain scans to study personality differences, researchers have found introverts have more brain activity, in general, and specifically in their frontal lobes. When these areas are activated, introverts are energized by retrieving long-term memories, problem solving, introspection, complex thinking and planning.


http://www.shreveporttimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051205/LIVING/512030320/1004

[Kazak]

1. Heh. Raising children is challenging, period.

Anyway, both my wife and I are pretty introverted, so I'm guessing it's probably a pretty good bet that our daughter will be too...

[tridim]

2. Hmm.. I'll have to think about it

Frontal lobe "on". :think:

[kahleefornia]

3. I wish my parents had forced me to be more social

I missed out on learning some valuable skills.

[tblue37]

4. I have written about how this influences a child in school.

"Does Not Play Well with Others" http://www.teacherblue.homestead.com/playswell.html

[FlaGranny]

6. My report card always said:

"Does not pay attention in class." But my grades were always good. As soon as I figured out the lession, I was off in my own world dreaming about other things. You see, I was paying attention, but only as long as I needed to.

Edit: Just went back and read your entire piece. I can really relate to it. I never got the "does not play well with others." I guess I had teachers who didn't think play was that important. :-) I can still feel the racing heart and hot face that came with any need to have attention drawn to myself.

[tenshi816]

12. Good piece you wrote.

I too tended to be less than gregarious in school (although my very close friends now find that hard to believe). I was a bookish only child and enjoyed my own company. I did have close friends but they tended to be like me and while we enjoyed being together very much, we also enjoyed our time alone. I still do.

Five years ago I decided to do a new degree here in the UK. I discovered early on that, exactly as you described, I was expected to undertake at least one group project each term for a collective grade. Being the oldest by far in every group I was in, the others not only looked to me for leadership but also for me to do most of the work and assume a "mother" role, despite the fact that I was the only one not living on campus (I had a 40-mile round trip commute) and also the only one with a partner and children at home. I got a lot out of it overall and got a bright, shiny new BSc in 2003, but it was a struggle and I would've much preferred working alone. I would've had better grades as well.

[FlaGranny]

5. It can be very painful to be an introverted kid.

I know - I was one. I hated to be the center of attention. Is being introverted what I can credit for my present brain activity? :-) Anyhow, it might be true. I have always been able to immediately see the "easy" or "simplest" way to do any chore.

[newportdadde]

7. I'm an introverted adult and it hurts adult careers as well.

In fact I will be attending a meeting this afternoon which is run by my polar opposite a bubbly extrovert. Each year my performance summary by said extrovert has to point out how Newport isn't vocal enough.

Its just not my style, I talk if I need to or if someone asks me a question. I don't butt my nose in just so I appear smart or because I like to hear the sound of my own voice.

[FlaGranny]

9. It might hurt "some" adult careers, but

I'll bet you it is a great asset in others. Of course, a real extrovert is probably never going to become a CEO or a top salesman, but can excel in the sciences and trades.

[liontamer]

11. that's a big misconception about the sciences there

it is very hard to excel in the sciences if you're overly introverted. Science is a very socially integrated field

[FlaGranny]

13. I would think research

would be a great field for this personality type. It is what I enjoy most. We're not talking pathologic introversion here. My two introverted sons have excelled in their professions as software engineers, they are highly paid, and both have to deal with others on a continuous basis. One is head of his department, and the other deals with retail customers of their product. It's not a social disability unless it is extreme. They're just people who don't enjoy the "spotlight."

[liontamer]

14. engineering works a little differently from science in general

Engineers can create products and then have a marketing dept take over. But if your product is ideas, you have to be your own marketing dept and that is very hard for introverts.

People think science is a haven for introverts and often encourage introverts to go into science, but a lot of introverted peope(and not pathologically introverted people either) are really unhappy with the politics and schmoozing necessary for a successful career.

[crispini]

8. Ha! You're kidding, right?

I was a somewhat introverted child. My parents were delighted with me. All they had to do to keep me happy was stick me over in the corner with a book. Didn't hurt me any. :)

[WolverineDG]

10. ummm

why am i having a hard time believing this? :P

dg