(BE SURE TO READ WITH THE HAMMER'S VOICE IN YOUR HEAD!)
Once upon a time there were three bad little piggies. They all lived together in a big White House in Washington DC. The house they had was large and grand. It was well made and respected. But, it was not big enough for the three greedy pigs.
So, they constructed even bigger houses. The first pig made a huge house out of lies. The second pig made himself an enormous house built of deception. The third pig made himself a gigantic strong house built entirely out of conspiracy. Conspiracy was a good strong material because on order to knock a conspiracy house down, you first had to knock down the houses built of lies and deception. Surely that would protect the third piggy.
Since most people do not like lies, deception and conspiracy, they worked hard to disguise the materials that their houses were made of. They painted them bright pretty colors. The first pig painted his house red. The second painted his white. The last pig painted his conspiracy house bright blue. Everyone looked at the brightly colored houses and they were all very impressed.
Then one day Joe was walking home from work and he passed the three impressive houses. But, Joe noticed something wrong. The weather had caused some of the paint to peel off of the first house. He looked close and used his fingernail to pick at the paint. When he did he was shocked to find that the house was made of lies. Well, that just wasn't right. "No one in Washington should live in a house made of lies!", thought Joe. Even though he knew the three pigs would not like him telling people what he had discovered, Joe bravely made sure that everyone heard that the first pigs house was made of lies.
When they heard what Joe had been telling the town, the pigs were very angry! What no one in town knew was that Joe too had a secret. No one that is, except the three pigs. By now their big impressive houses had made them even more powerful than when they arrived. It was easy for them to find out that Joe had a secret. Joe's wife was a Secret Agent! She worked to keep the country safe from bad men that want to hurt us. She was a hero. She had to pretend that she did not work as an agent all of the time. Because, the great work she was doing was also very dangerous. This was the kind of secret all of us should be happy to keep since she works to keep us safe. It was a very important secret. So important that telling any one was against the law. Telling anyone would make us all less safe.
But, the pigs were not afraid of breaking the law or making us less safe for that matter. They had broken the law before and no one had noticed because they did it inside of their big red, white and blue houses. The pigs knew just what they would do to get even with that meddling Joe. They called three friends, all rats, to help them. They told the rats Joe's big secret. And you know what; those rats ran all over town telling everyone that would listen that Joe's wife was a secret agent. That was very bad and like I said before, it made us all less safe from the bad men.
Far away, there lived a wolf. That wolf was not big and mean like some are. He was a nice wolf. But, just like Joe and his wife, he wanted to be sure that we were all safe. As soon as he heard what the rats were saying about Joe, he decided that he should find out who had told the rats Joe's big secret. So he went to Washington to ask them himself.
The first rat, Robert was very scared of the wolf. He had very sharp teeth and claws. So he told the wolf everything he knew. He said that he heard Joe’s secret from the first pig, Karl. Karl was the pig that lived in the red house made of lies. Robert the rat also told him that one of the other pigs had told him too.
The wolf wanted to be sure that that first rat was not lying to him. So, he went to where the second rat worked to find out what he knew. Matt, the second rat, saw the wolf coming. When the wolf got to Matt's office to ask who had told him the secret, Matt slammed the door in the wolf's face. He refused to talk to the wolf. So, the wolf just sat patiently outside the office. After a while Matt's boss said it would be better to just tell the wolf what he wanted to know then he would go away and stop hurting business by sitting outside. So, ashamed that he had been used by the pigs, Matt told the wolf that He too had heard from the first pig, Karl.
Needing to find out who was helping Karl the pig, the wolf walked over to where the third rat worked. He name was Judy. A lot of what Judy did at work involved doing dirty work that the prestigious and powerful pigs could not do on their own. Mainly she told people what the pigs wanted them to hear. She told them that indeed the big colorful red, white and blue houses were made of good materials, not lies and deception as Joe had said.
Judy was the most stubborn rat of them all. She refused and refused to tell the wolf what he wanted to know. She refused even after he showed her his big sharp teeth and claws. She was more scared of what the pigs would do to her if they found out that she had talked to the wolf. Unlike Matt's boss, Judy's boss believed her when she said that she "simply could not tell the wolf" what she knew. He was a kind hearted but, sadly gullible man. So, the wolf picked Judy the rat up and threw her into an old shoe box. He left he in the shoebox for three months, from summer to fall. She ate nothing but bread and she drank nothing but water. Finally a note arrived from a fourth pig. His name was "Scooter". Scooter told her that is was OK for her to talk to the wolf. But, it also reminded her that there were all deeply connected "at the roots". The wolf found that very suspicious.
When she was finally let out of the box and squinted up at the bright sun, it blinded her a bit. But, she soon saw the wolf standing over her and told him that she had heard Joe's big secret from Scooter and a second pig who she could not recall.
When the wolf found Scooter the pig and asked him what he had told the rats, he smiled and then he lied. He lied right to that big ol' wolf, fangs, claws and all. He said that the rats had told him. Not the other way around. He blamed it all on a big jolly rat named Tim. The wolf was pretty sure that Tim would not do such a thing. So he asked Tim if he knew about Joe's big secret. Tim was shocked that the pig would say something like that about him. Although Tim had spoken to Scooter the pig, he certainly never told that lying pig anything of the sort. How dare that pig try to drag poor Tim into his problems?
That wolf went right back to Scooter the pig and he told that bad little porker that he knew he was lying. He grabbed Scooter up and he threw him in a pen all by himself to think about what he had done. Maybe a "time out" would make that bad pig tell the truth.
In the meantime, he went to the big red house to talk to Karl. The pig came out on his porch to talk to the wolf several times. He lied and he lied. The wolf did not believe Karl. He knew Karl was a very sneaky pig and that he could not be trusted. He also inspected the house in which Karl lived. He saw the house was flimsy, as are all houses constructed of lies. So when he was tired of listening to Karl's piggy lies he huffed and he puffed and he blew the house in!
Then he went to see the second pig. He was a very old and grumpy pig. A pig with a bad heart and a temper to match! His name was Richard but, everyone just called him Dick. Scooter worked for Dick. Well, until the wolf threw him in the solitary little pen anyway.
The wolf figured it was probably Dick who had told that lying Scooter all along. Dick grumbled at the wolf when asked what he knew. He would not come out on the porch of his big White House. He just talked to the wolf through the window. He said, "Joe? I have never heard of a Joe. How would I know who a person I have never heard of was married too? Tell me that!"
All of the commotion was really starting to make the townsfolk talk.
By now the wolf was onto the game that the pigs were playing. He reached over with his long, sharp claws and pulled away some of the hastily applied paint exposing the core of deception underneath. That was all the proof that the wolf was looking for. So, he huffed and he puffed and he blew that great big deception house right down.
Having knocked down the houses of lies and deception, he could now see an even larger and grander house. It was painted blue and it shone in the sun. He knew right away that this must be the house of "Crazy" George. Now, people in town called George "crazy". But, never to his face. They made fun of the silly things that George would do. And generally wished he just didn’t have so much power over their lives. No one wants a madman running the show.
Frequently other bad men would use George to get things that they wanted for themselves, whole countries if they wanted them. Sometimes he gave things as favors. Sometimes they just tricked him into it. You see George was also not a very bright pig.
He was a crazy pig. But, he had clout. Yes sir! George was a very powerful pig. He was the most powerful pig in the entire country. But, the wolf was not afraid of ANY pig.
The wolf knew that while George was almost certainly involved in telling people Joe's secret; he was not bright enough to have thought of the plan alone. When the wolf called to George, he would not come out. He was afraid. He knew that the wolf had knocked down the house made of lies and the house made of deception. All that stood between his great big conspiracy house and it's destruction was the bright coat of paint that hid its inner rot behind a shiny veneer of strength.
The wolf did not waste a lot of time calling to George. He knew that crazy pig would never come out and face up to his part in the plan. He just scraped away the paint right there next to the front door and exposed the ugly conspiracy that it was made of. By now the townsfolk had gathered outside the house to watch what happened to the powerful old pig.
They let out a gasp when they saw what was under the shiny blue paint. It was horrible to gaze upon. It was the most disturbing thing that they had ever seen. They cried out to the wolf, "PLEASE! Please won't you knock down this horrible house of conspiracy? Please Mr. Wolf?"
The wolf replied, "No need to be so formal. Just call me Patrick!"
Then he huffed and he puffed....
Sorry that was so long. Blame those damn lying pigs!
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
