Time To Play Along W/ America's Favorite Gameshow SERIOUS LEGAL JEOPARDY!

[DistressedAmerican]

(Insert Mental Theme Music)

Announcer: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! It is time once again to play along with your favorite game show! SERIOUS LEGAL JEOPARDY!!!



(Mental Applause)

Announcer: Tonight's winner (or winners in the case of a tie) will be enjoying a relaxing, all expenses paid stay in one of America's premier maximum security correctional facilities in the vicinity of our nation's picturesque capital, Washington DC!

(Mental Applause)

Let's meet our contestants.

Host: First we have "Slick" Dick Cheney. It says here that you are more a president than a traditional Vice president. It also says that your office is being investigated in connection with espionage, as well as, "outting" a covert agent of our own government as character assassination in an effort to lie the country into war. That sounds serious.

How's that working out for you?"

Contestant Number 1: We'll, How do you think it is working out? I am HERE aren't I? Go F-BLEEEEP yourself!

Host: I guess we will catch that in editing.

On to our second contestant. Join me in welcoming in the middle spot tonight, from the great state of Texas, Senator AND indicted felon, Tom "The Scammer" DeLay.

(Contestant 2 grins annoyingly)

(Mental Applause)

Host: Senator, the staff here at the show tells me that you were actually indicted twice in the same week. Is that really true?

Contestant Number 2: Yes. That's right. But, I consider it a great week in my life. I feel vindicated. I will finally be able to show the country through grinning from ear to ear that I am innocent and that the real felon here is Prosecutor Ronny Earle.

IT IS ALL A POLITICAL VENDETTA I TELL YOU!

(Contestant 2 grins annoyingly, Again)

Host: Well OK. Hope that works out for ya!

Contestant number 3, according to my notes you hold the office of Pres-Presi-PP, well, you know. That amazes me. I though the chair was empty. We seem to be experiencing a real power vacuum in Washington these days. What have you been up to?

Contestant Number 3: Well, what you have to understand is the chair is not empty. I sit there a lot. Sometimes I even make them bring the chair on vacation with us just so it will be occupied. When I am not sitting in it, there is a rotation of Marines that sits there for me.

Keeps it warm for when I come back. Heh heh, heh!

It's more my head and our administration's policies that are empty. What I am trying to say is don't blame it on the chair.

Host: That is very interesting. But, I was noticing that lately the entire White House seems out to lunch. Surely you have a staff that has some ideas and plans?

Contestant Number 3: Well, you see. It's like this. They tell me that there is this guy with some sort of Big Band Jury. I think it is one of those "Battle Of The Bands" kind of things we had back in college.

They have been really interested in this band jury. Not sure why. Maybe what they play is good dancing music? I haven't heard any of them. But, my guys - yeah, well call Condi that too. My guys are not paying much attention to important stuff like God's wrath on the Gulf coast or getting me regular coffee refills.

I have had it. I'll be really happy when this whole band event is over with.

Host: OK! You may want to pick up a newspaper and have someone read it to you on your way home from the studio Mr. Pre-PP-Pres, Contestant number 3!

(Mental Applause)

Host: LET'S GET STARTED!

Tonight's first round categories are: Treason, Lying To Congress, Dissemination Of Classified Information, Money Laundering, AND Conspiracy.

Hands on your buzzers and remember to phrase your answers in the form of a question.

That's just the way we we like to do things here on SERIOUS LEGAL JEOPARDY!

(Mental applause followed by hushed anticipation of the first question...)

Please post the questions and answers of your choice from the above listed categories!

Now available in both a home edition and the brand new travel size. Perfect for those short, misdemeanor trips or a mimimum sentence of not less than one year!

[hang a left]

1. OMG

:rofl:

[Craig3410]

2. Yay! My favorite one yet!

And there's a lot of yours to like, DA!

:kick:ed and Nom'ed.

[Lex]

3. LOL!

:rofl:

[jojo54]

4. Another great on from DA!!!

[bigbrother05]

5. That was pretty funny

The part about The correctional institutions, got me to thinking, maybe that is why Cheney bought that new home, so the family would be close.

[annabanana]

6. I LIKE it!

(and i could hear the announcer & applause)

[DistressedAmerican]

7. Let Me Get The Ball Rolling On Questions: Lying to Congress For $100

Q: This war was sold on a big fat pack of lies to Congress and America.

A: What is "Operation Iraqi Freedom"?

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

8. i'll take chickenhawk prison bitches for $100, alex

[Coexist]

9. ROFL!!

wow, you're good.

[DistressedAmerican]

10. Is That What They Are Going For These Days? Kinda Pricey For These Three.

Don't you think? Few packs of smokes sounds about right...

[No Exit]

11. Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[strategery blunder]

12. Bush: "I'll take 'Lying to Congress' for $200"

Question: George W. Bush uttered these sixteen words in his 2003 State of the Union Address, despite the CIA telling him that they could not verify the truthfulness of those words.

Answer: "What is...uh...well fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...you can't fool me again."

Alex: Sorry, that is incorrect, and you are now $200 in the red. Anyone else want to try?

Edit: the obligatory :rofl:

[DistressedAmerican]

13. That's What I Am Talking About!

:applause:

[Art_from_Ark]

19. Bush: I'll take "Hitting the trifecta" for $500, Alex"

The answer is, "On September 11, 2001, while visiting a 2nd grade classroom in Florida, this presidential impersonator, after being told of the second terrorist attack, picked up a book from a desk and thumbed through it as the children were reading aloud a story about a goat"

Dubbie: "Well, I can explain. You see, there was this TV in the hallway of the school, and it was obviously on, an' I was lookin' at it, an' all of a sudden, this plane crashes right into some tall building, right there on the TV, an' I sez to myself, 'That's one terrible pilot'. But I din't have time ta think about it there cuz, you know, they whisked me into the classroom an' stuff, an so when Andy... that's Andy Card, my Chief of Staff... well, he ain't my chief of staff now, but he was then... When Andy came up ta me and whispered "Da plane's hit da buildin'", I just nachurally assumed he wuz talkin' 'bout the same thing I saw on the TV, an' I was still thinkin' 'bout it, so I grabbed that book ta help me think about it some more..."

[strategery blunder]

14. Kick

Damn, GD got busy.:kick:

[Arkana]

15. Dick: "I'll take 'Classic GOP Dodges' for $200, Alex."

Alex: "This argument is not just used by GOP politicians, but also by its voters and its talking heads whenever confronted with someone who tells the truth."

Dick: "What is, um...FLAG FLAG FLAG FLAG FLAG?"

Alex: "Oooh, no...Tom! Chance to capitalize?"

Tom: "What is 'Why do you hate America'?"

Alex: "Correct!"

EDIT: This should be a first round category, even though it's not listed. Here's another:

Tom: "I'll take 'Lying to Congress' for $300."

Alex: "This argument, used by Condoleezza Rice to explain away America's apparent unpreparedness before 9/11, was usurped by the fact that they had in fact thought of it the day before in the Pentagon."

Tom: "What is...'We had no idea that anyone would hijack airplanes and crash them into the WTC?'"

Alex: "Correct."

[Autonomy]

16. Tom: *Thank You Gerry Much* for 500, Alex

Alex: All answers will contain the name "Gerry". In 2003, Texas Republicans subverted democracy by changing state laws while in the majority in their state by doing it.

George: What is Gerry Ford?

Alex: No, sorry, they did not do Gerald Ford in 2003.

Tom: What is gerrymander, Alex?

Alex: You should know, Tom. Correct. Pick again.

http://www.commondreams.org/views03/1024-04.htm

[Arkana]

17. And the beat goes on...

Tom: "Conspiracy for $400."

Alex: "This scandal was originally cooked up by Karl Rove, and it ended up ensnaring the last honest journalist in television and drawing attention away from George W. Bush's going AWOL."

Tom: "Uh...pass."

Alex: "Dick! Chance to capitalize?"

Dick: "What is Memogate?"

Alex: "Correct."

[stop the bleeding]

18. Nominated !

:rofl:

[DistressedAmerican]

20. Dick: Move Over Small Fries! Criminal Conspiracy For $500!

Host:
The status under which Richard Nixon was classified by Whitewater prosecutors during the White Water investigations.

Dick: What is, "They should have burned those damn tapes on the front lawn of the white House"?

Host: Oh that's too bad. I'm afraid you loose another $500

(Delay Buzzing in late)

Tom: What is twice indicted?

Host: No, I am afraid not. "Dubya?"

W: What is (looking around at the board in a panic)...
What is "Money Lanudering"?

Host: That was a tough one. The answer is, "Unindicted Co-Conspirator". Better luck next time.

[DistressedAmerican]

21. Kicker!

[DistressedAmerican]

22. ...