Ari's New Job

[OrdinaryTa]

Found on the web:

ARI FLEISCHER NAMED NEW IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER

Governing Council ‘Extremely Powerful,’ New Spokesman Says

After months of speculation about where he might land after leaving the White House, departing spokesman Ari Fleischer announced today that he would be joining the Iraqi government as that nation’s new Information Minister.

Mr. Fleischer said that two and a half years of serving as spokesman for the Bush administration had made him “uniquely qualified” to provide an honest and candid account of the goings-on inside the new Iraq.

Speaking from Baghdad, Mr. Fleischer went on to say that reconstruction efforts in the war-torn country were “way ahead of schedule” and that the newly formed governing council was “the most powerful governing body on the face of the earth.”

“Whatever they say, goes,” Mr. Flesicher said. “Paul Bremer doesn’t do a thing around here without asking their permission first.”

Mr. Fleischer added that in the next forty-eight hours, the U.S. expected to restore all water and power to Iraq and to find a banned weapons cache the size of Lansing, Michigan.

Meanwhile, at the White House, political advisor Karl Rove was laying the groundwork for the President to retract the entire Iraq victory speech he made on the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln back in May.

Current plans call for the President to make a new speech in which the sign reading “Mission Accomplished” would be revised to read “Mission Not Really Accomplished Yet.”

Finally, in a symbolic gesture of retraction, the President would conclude his new speech by walking backwards into a waiting Air Force jet and flying away.