What *should* she tell his sister?

[Career Prole]

Mother of N.C.-based Marine unsure what to tell sister

LOS ANGELES - His 5-year-old sister keeps asking when Marine Cpl. Carlos Pineda will come home. Although more than a 100 people packed into his funeral, she insists the man in the wooden box was a doll, not her brother.

<snip>

Pineda, a native of El Salvador, grew up fast in East Los Angeles. His father was murdered by local gang members when Pineda was 9, and he quickly became the man of the family, acting as an older brother to other kids in the neighborhood.

Pineda, known to his buddies as "Cheese," took an early interest in law enforcement. He joined the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Explorer Program in high school and became a mentor to at-risk teens, recalled his friend Adrian Pena.

Even former buddies who ended up in gangs respected him and left him alone "because he was doing something with his life," Pena said.

Pineda entered the Marine Corps after graduating from high school in 2001 and hoped to return to the Sheriff's Department.

I'd be inclined to tell her that her big brother Carlos was going to be a real hero in East L.A. one day, that he'd made all the hard decisions already and made them properly, that he'd cleared all the hurdles placed in his path by a rough neighborhood, that he was going to bring real change and real hope to that neighborhood, and that at the young age of 23 he was already an amazing man...

And then the president killed him.

[ck4829]

1. "And then the president killed him"

How true.

[rocktivity]

2. One of my nephews was the girl's age when my father died

when my sister broke the news to him, he asked, "Who shot him?"

:headbang:
rocknation

[Career Prole]

7. Your dad was shot?!

:wow:

[rocktivity]

17. No, he died after a long illness

which my sister told my nephew in response. We figure he asked the question because though he did have a basic concept of death--he did realize that his grandfather was gone forever--it was only basic enough to associate it with murder.

:headbang:
rocknation

[Career Prole]

18. Sorry about your Dad, Rock.

I hope you were able to get a chuckle from your nephew's question... :)

[rocktivity]

19. He's twenty now

and we tease him about it to this day!

:headbang:
rocknation

[CoffeeCat]

3. Ever notice...

...that most of these tragic, sad stories involve young men and women from poor families or families that have struggled for years?

Where are all of the stories about the rich, suburban kids---who took time off from their yachting activities and trips abroad--who are serving in Iraq?

Today, a friend and I had a heart-to-heart. She shared about some challenging times in her life, when he brother died of cancer, at age 37. She discussed how his family came apart at the seams after he died. She said their family is torn apart, and now her daughter enlisted and will be going to Iraq in a few weeks. My heart just sank.

Why is it so often (but not always), that the poor, the broken and the vulnerable--are the ones that end up as cannon fodder for these illegal and evil activities?

Each and every US soldier deserves our respect, admiration and undying support. I do support them, but I am just tired of watching these courageous men and women "walking the plank" for this administration.

I cannot bear it anymore.

Furthermore, I'm supposed to sit down and shut up. If I criticize the war--or how this regime uses these soldiers like chess pieces--I'm pegged as unAmerican. I'm accused of hating the soldiers and wanting to burn the flag.

Wrong. I care about these people so much--that I do not want to see their lives wasted for a romp in the quicksand--which history will look down upon as a grave mistake and a debacle based on fabrication.

Sad.

[Career Prole]

4. "If I criticize the war...I'm pegged as unAmerican."

Better un-American than inhuman.
You've made the right choice, and history will bear that out one day.
Don't ever shut up!

[FreedomAngel82]

8. I know how you feel

It's a distraction from the real reason why people are critcizing the war. This war is illegal in every way possible. By them saying you're not supporting the troops it's a diverson away from what you're really not supporting. It's a dirty trick and the people who do it should be ashamed of themselves. Of course they aren't. Also the reason why it's always the poorer families is because it's a way to help their families. The money and everything. It can go to help a family member go to college or pay the bills etc. Watch Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine." He follows two recruiters and they PURPOSLEY go to the poorer side of town because "more people will be willing to sign up" and they can do their job. And these guys were total jerks too. Moore also showed a group of black boys and asked how many had family members in the military and pretty much all of them had a sibling in the military. And all those rich subrban kids are all republican. Look at the records of how many democrats served and compare it to the republicans. Simply amazing. And their excuses too. This caught my eye: <Even former buddies who ended up in gangs respected him and left him alone "because he was doing something with his life," Pena said.>

[Career Prole]

11. Jeez...give 'em a gun and send 'em to the Iraq Casino

with one chip to play which represents their lives.

If you win, hey buddy, you learned a TRADE! You're now MARKETABLE!

If you lose, you don't ever have to worry about making a "living" again.

"Compassionate Conservatism" job training. :grr:

[FreedomAngel82]

5. And lying is any better?

One day when she does find the truth out, if they haven't told by then, she will be angry with them. I prefer to be honest to children. They're really not that dumb and you can talk to them as an adult. I would say that her big brother was a great hero and sacrificed for a war criminal known as the illegal president by doing his duty. The illegal president used him and his buddies.

[Career Prole]

6. You can say that again! n/t

[Bluerthanblue]

9. the truth-

the TRUTH is always the best thing to tell children- as best we are able.
That he is NOT coming home, and that it is sad, and not 'fair' and it's ok to FEEL whatEVER she feels- and that she can come and talk to you any time she needs, and that he died in a WAR-

And explain that some people think that if we use guns to stop people from killing other people, then the world will be a better place. That her brother thought he was doing the 'right' thing for the world, but sometimes when we do things that are dangerous we die.

Tell her that no one KNOWS for sure what happens when we die, but people have lots of different ideas- and share what she believes, saying why she believes it.

When my father died, my youngest was completely at a loss- he didn't understand why 'grampy' was in a box, and why he didn't 'look' right- he didn't want 'grampy' to get shut in the box and put in the ground- it was another in a LONG string of losses and deaths that our little family was and continues to experience.-

i explained that i believe there is more to a person than their 'shell'- that our bodies hold us, but are NOT everything 'we' are-
There are things we cannot 'see' or feel or taste or touch, but they still ARE- magnetism, radio waves, we can't SEE the wind, but we can feel it- We can't hear phone calls passing through the air, but someone is talking to someone else.

He was 4 when 'grampy' died- One nite at dinner, soon after, 'Grampy' came up in conversation again- My son picked up his glass of water and drank it down- "look at your glass" i said, "it is empty, where did the water go?" "it's in my tummy" he said- "well, i can't see it" i said- and "your glass is still there, but it doesn't have any water left in it." " And i can't see the water anymore, but i know it is still somewhere"

i would tell this little girl, that that wasn't a 'doll' but it was a 'shell' that held all the special and good things, that were Carlos. and Carlos has changed into something we don't see or know 'RIGHT NOW' but someday we will change too, someday maybe a very long time from now, we will know what it is like- and we will know Carlos,and Andy and Grampy, and ..................(my list is endless)
But until then, we need to live life, and do what we think is 'right' and remember that how much Carlos loved her, and it's ok to love him.

'A home for hermit crab' is a good book to use- the shell is still there, the crab moves on-

after writing all this, i know you were likely looking for a more political slant, rather than 'advice' to this mom, but for a 5 yr old- who has lost so much, reassurance and comfort, and the freedom to feel and not shut down, or turn inward- is more than enough to cope with- blame, never brought a body back-

and the ultimate atrocity, is to "pay off" those who have lost a love-there is NO equation between 'life' and money- money can not bring a person back, or make wrong right- and grief is something we all do badly- and want to avoid...... but the only ones we hurt when we strike out, and rage- are ourselves- in the end.

oh, how sad this old world is....
weary sad and tired...
but while lives are ending, children are just starting out- and we can't let their 'spirit' die, in our grief........


rambling and crying and mourning the dying of so much so many so long

[faithnotgreed]

13. how loving and giving you are... hugs for you and your family blue

death is all around isnt it
but it is not all we are or will ever be

we are all much more than our bodies and our minds. you have that beautiful spirit

[Career Prole]

15. That was beautiful.

Thank you. :)

[Solly Mack]

10. Well said! (as the truth often is)

[cynatnite]

12. Age appropriate truth

Not all five year olds could handle being told 'the president killed him'. As she grows older, questions and learns, then she'll begin to realize how it was.

At such a young and tender age one has to be careful of how something like this is handled.

My oldest daughter's father walked out when she was a year old. She never saw him after that. When she got older she began asking questions. Her questions guided me on what to tell her and I kept it simple until she was old enough to handle the complete truth.

[Career Prole]

16. You're absolutely right, of course.

I wouldn't have really been so blunt with a child. :)

[ComerPerro]

14. That's horrible

And yet stories like this are just so common now.

[ConfuZed]

20. Don't politicize or sugarcoat it

Its better that she learns and accepts the truth at a young age