The value of my home just tanked. Two Christian families just moved

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

into the area.

We tried burning a giant haddock in their front yards, but they just brought out a couple of loaves of bread and made sandwiches.

The local restaurants set up "christians only" and "everyone else" areas and they were happy as pigs in shit with it.

These bastards came in with minivans plastered with little soccer balls, W stickers and yellow ribbons...

I don't know what to do. The realtors say they have to sell them homes if they have the money.

Any suggestions?

[Spider Jerusalem]

1. Try performing pagan rituals in your yard...

whilst "skyclad". Or introduce yourself as a member of the Church of Satan, a Thelemite and follower of Aleister Crowley, or something equally "un-Christian".

[evlbstrd]

3. Great minds, etc!

[moddemny]

29. "introduce yourself as a member of the Church of Satan"

Because some individuals have hijacked Christianity and confuse it with Bush's presidency that means other people should embrace devil worship in order to counter them? Thats seems to be the ultimate form of reactionary stupidity.

[evlbstrd]

2. Perform your Druidic rituals in the nude on your front lawn.

Loudly, at night, with lots of torches.

edit for spelling dammit

[OldLeftieLawyer]

4. Invite them to Friday night Shabbos dinner

Some chicken soup, maybe some matzoh brie, a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants.

Then tell them that Jews don't believe life begins until birth.

That should do it.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

9. I'll break out my Hassidic diguise!

[Fuzz]

14. So, How long have you been practicing Jewcraft?

:)

[TahitiNut]

5. Tell 'em the lunar human sacrifice is at your house that full moon ...

... and "Welcome to the neighborhood! Do you have a sickly child or aged parent you want to contribute?" Dress in saffron robes.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

28. With my luck, they'd be Monty Python fans...

[nytemare]

6. Put posters of Tom Cruise in your lawn

LOL

[grytpype]

7. Yeah, those Christians breed like rabbits.

And they put trees in their living rooms, and big bloody crosses in their front yards. Sell while you can.

Are these the ones who moved in next to you?

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

8. OH MY GOD!!!!! IT'S THEM! Run away! Run Away!

LOL... Best laugh I've had all day. It's too close to the truth in TN & AL.

[thinkingwoman]

10. By their Big Hair ye shall know them!

Yikes! forget the house, save yourself!!!

[NuttyFluffers]

11. Why, I think their hair is the CLOSEST to Jesus.

By about a mile.

Probably tickling the toes of cherubs, too.

Excuse me, I feel a fit coming on...



:rofl:

[Must_B_Free]

12. Good thing it wasn't Jews, or Blacks

Or chinese, or Koreans, or hippies, or white people, or fags, kikes, whops, nikkers, Ho's, spics, chinks, etc.

Serious question : Are you an asshole in training?

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

17. Two part answer to your serious question:

1. I'm a professional
2. If you could not see the sarcasm in the post...

Sheesh.

[GeekMonkey]

22. Who smote your sense of humor?

Does dogma make you that sensitive?

[VegasWolf]

13. Hope they don't play loud gospel music at 3:00AM. nt

[Bake]

15. On behalf of the liberal (i.e., real) Christian on DU

Thanks for the stereotype. We know you weren't talking about us, and we forgive you.

Bake

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

18. Heh...

Thanks for "getting it."

[orleans]

16. some fairly serious suggestions

wear your tye-dye t-shirts as much as possible

pierce an ear

get a tattoo on your forearm (visible while wearing t-shirt)

have a lot of loud parties

have a block party and get jiggy

hire a heavy metal band for the party (lots of black sabbath music)

go to supportourribbons.com and custom order a few ribbons of your own

keep an eye on them--report them to the city/village when they break the lawn watering ordinance or the four hour parking limit on the street, or parking their car on the driveway and it blocks the sidewalk, or not keeping their lawn cut, or breaking a leash law, or when they build a porch or patio or add a fence make sure the village checks for their permit--drive them crazy until they get out of dodge.

or make friends. and try to open their hearts and minds.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

19. Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!

:D

[Freedomfried]

20. Ask them, "Ya'll folks like to swing?"

But than again they might say yes.

[Hubert Flottz]

21. "Any suggestions?"

Watch out for the snakes!

[Kazak]

23. Yeah, live and let live...

That's what I do. :shrug:

[GeekMonkey]

24. Try wearing one of these in your yard:

DocPolitic

It really spins the holy rollers' minds.

[HughBeaumont]

25. Blasting Gorerotted, Slayer or Napalm Death usually wards them off . . .

If that doesn't work, strike up a conversation about human cloning, stem cells or make fun of Kent Hovind in front of their kids. That always works.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

27. I'll try some air magic.

[HughBeaumont]

26. When will them Ark-lovers EVER learn their place?