just received this letter to Bush -- guess which states are welfare queens

[Bozita]

Dear President Bush,

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with
us.
In
case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota,
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.

We spoke to God, and he agrees that this split will be beneficial
to
almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of
California.
In fact, God is so excited about it, he's going to shift the whole
country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone
know
they need to be back in their states by then. So you get Texas and
all
the former slave states. We get Howard Dean, stem cell research and

the
best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the
Statue
of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You
get
Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs.
You
get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about
two-thirds
of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their
fair
share.

Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's,
we
get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to
support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we
produce
about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck, the only greens the
Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their BigMacs. Oh yeah,
another
thing, don't plan on serving
California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported
French
wine for you. (Ouch, bet that hurts!)

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice
and
anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States'
citizens
back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your
evangelicals.
They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for
absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show
pictures
of
their kids' caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we
hope,
really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.
Seriously. Soon. With the Blue States in hand, the Democrats have
firm
control of 80% of the country's fresh water, over 90% of our
pineapple
and lettuce, 92% of all fresh fruit production, 93% of the
artichoke
production, 95% of America's export quality wines, 90% of all
cheese
production, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the US
low-sulfur
coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford,
Berkeley,
CalTech and MIT.

We can live simply but well. The Red States, on the other hand, now
have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care cost spike), 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of all tornadoes, 90%
of all hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. A high price to pay for controlling the presidency. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that
evolution is just a theory, 53% that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and -
most hard to grasp - 61% believe that Bush is a person of moral
conviction.

[74dodgedart]

1. If you give up Clemson and UGA, where will all the kids from NJ go to

school ?

(joke)

[CottonBear]

4. Ahem. UGA grad here. Leave UGA out of this. Athens, GA is BLUE.

I graduated in the 2nd ranked undergrad program in the nation in my field of study and the grad program is ranked 4th in thenation.

[earthmama]

11. Athens, GA ROCKS

WSP are from there. We need them in Blue america.

[CottonBear]

12. WSP, r.e.m., B-52s, Pylon, Oh OK, BBQ Killers and on and on.

Did you go to Bonaroo? DId you know that WSP played a FREE concert in downtown Athens a few years back? I used to go see them when they were just another local band!

My husband and I will be going to a private party Pylon concert at the end of the month. Athens is a good place to call home!

[earthmama]

43. I partied with WSP back stage

In Winston. I would of loved to been at there free concert. Can do the Bonaroo thing ... I am a mom and it is hard to get away.

We'll be at the concert in Charlotte. We are selling hotdogs for donations .. cash or kine

[74dodgedart]

31. Just a joke...

I'm Clemson grad and veteran of the NJ invasion

Both my sisters graduated from UGA.

I'm not sure why they got singled out..

[CottonBear]

38. Hi Clemson Grad! Clemson is a great Southern School too!

What is the NJ invasion? Of UGA? My good friend got her MLS (Library Sci.) from Clemson. Ya'll have the mountains there in Clemson, or at least the foothills. Clemson is in such a beautiful area!
Those not from the South don't understand it. :)

[74dodgedart]

40. NJ

When I was there, one of the largest student populations at Clemson was people from NJ.

The same was true at The USC.

I grew up in the area and the population of New Jersey students and northern retirees was always kind of a joke among the locals.

[CitrusLib]

34. Another UGA grad here.

:toast:

[CottonBear]

37. Hey there fellow Dawg!

:toast: Go Dawgs! Sic 'em. Woof, , woof!
I love my UGA! I love it most for the great research and academia and science!

[southlandshari]

44. UGA and Athens - way to represent!

Former sports director at WUOG 91.5 here. I divided my time between Sanford Stadium and the 40 Watt Club - something for everyone in Athens, and a mecca for those of us who like it all!

I graduated with a degree in magazine journalism from UGA many moons ago, a program that has been consistently ranked in the top five national for decades.


:hi:

[getmeouttahere]

2. I love this, but....

reds would never drink French wine...and as a blue stater, I reserve the right to drink French as well as wine from any of the other great wine producing regions of the world!

[nickinSTL]

5. no problem...

if the red staters have missouri, they can always have Missouri wine...

[MadisonProgressive]

21. But you'll have to do without Alabama and Texas wine.

[MountainLaurel]

42. Well, for many of them

Drinkin' in a sin anyway, and most of them wouldn't recognize a good wine if it smacked them upside the head, so don't be too concerned.

[Bridget Burke]

3. Perhaps we should need a Spam Forum.

We mostly get ancient Right Wing Talking Points. But the Left Wing apparently also has people who get excited over old drivel.

Clue: The formatting is always dreadful.

[WePurrsevere]

6. As a blue stater...

Sounds good to me. :D

I'd love to know where the person who originally wrote this up got their info. B-)

[Dr.Phool]

7. Could I petition for Florida's admission?

I believe we are actually a blue state, but we have this problem with rigged elections. Ohio might want to jump too.

[Pirate Smile]

23. Iowa too. We are really blue.

[Maraya1969]

8. Now THIS is why I have a headache for the last ten years

99% of all Southern Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. A high price to pay for controlling the presidency. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that
evolution is just a theory, 53% that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and -
most hard to grasp - 61% believe that Bush is a person of moral
conviction.

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:


What are those song words? "I've gotta get out of this town. If it's the last thing I ever do."

Signed,

Frustrated in Flordia

[johnaries]

9. Uh, Opryland is gone. It was replaced with a mall. Opry Mills.

at least it wasn't a Wal-Mart!
Nahville is Blue, TAKE US WITH YOU!!!!

[noiretextatique]

29. i worked for the mills corp briefly

:puke:

[Catfight]

10. This is the best thing I've read in a long time! Go BLUE STATES! nt

[TNDemo]

13. Needs a couple of updates.

Opryland is long gone. And NASA has some serious technology going on in Alabama.

[Jo March]

24. yes, they do

Thanks for pointing that out.

The Dem population in Bama is growing. I did research on Dem groups and found many of them in my home state.

[in_cog_ni_to]

14. This is a dream come true! Being from Illinois>>>>>>>>

I'm packing my bags! :bounce:

Honestly, that sounds just WONDERFUL. A world with no freepers. *sigh*

[The_Casual_Observer]

15. "100% of all Televangelists" Unfortunately that bastard crouch

and his purple haired wife are headquartered across the 405 fwy from South Coast Plaza in Costa Mesa Calif.

[blm]

19. Except Paul Crouch is actually gay, so no red state will take him in.

What ever happened to that law suit for sexual harrassment by that male aide to Crouch, anyway? Or was he an assistant pastor?

Hard to keep track of all these sex scandals by Republicans, since the press is too scared to cover scandals involving evangelicals, moonies and Republicans.

[Pystoff]

16. Uh Hmmm

" You
get all the technological innovation in Alabama."

Considering we happen to have a NASA base and one of the few Army Missle Command bases in the US and Redstone Arsenal one of the few missle research facilities the Army has AND umpteen companies that create for those government branches here in Huntsville,AL I wouldn't go there.

[Jo March]

26. Hi, Pystoff! I was born in Huntsville

I lived on Alabama Street for the first few years of my life.

I love Huntsville. The Rocket City has a lot going on with technology. Lines like the one you quoted show the ignorance that many still have when it comes to Alabama. Sad, isn't it?

[Pystoff]

28. NE H'ville here

Yes and a good reason people here feel less than happy with the ppl that regularly back the Democratic party. I look beyond the ASSHOLES that attack where I am from and don't vote against my best interest but they only need to read the SHIT they write and say to understand why ppl from here are often resistant to the party eh? I get mad at the fools here and to be honest call them morons and rednecks myself but I earn the right by having come from here kind of like being black and using the N word I guess....(not that a condone that but I don't get a vote on that since I'm white eh?) So for you that get mad at being called liberal elite DON'T live up to it by being asses and making remarks like this it only inflames and is the very rhetoric that KKKarl just loves you to use!!!

[Jo March]

32. It is sad that some in this party look down on the South

We will never win the South by being snooty and stuck up about what the South has to offer. Atlanta went red as did Charlotte, NC. The cities are going to lead the states in the change from red to blue.

I face a lot of ridicule from my own liberal/Dem friends about being from Alabama. Alabama is a beautiful state. The people are friendly. Some of the politicians are nuts but many of them aren't. The University of Alabama and the city of Birmingham have become centers for medical research. Huntsville has Redstone Arsenal and NASA.

Sigh. The Dems will never win the South by bashing it and Southerners who live there.

Nice to meet another Hunstvillian, though! :hi:

[Pystoff]

33. Mega Dittos

You are dead on there man.

And yo back atcha :hi:

[Ian David]

17. Here's another version (and more stuff)

Dear Jesusland -- We want a divorce.


Dear Jesusland,

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals (even if you stole a few state elections). Actually, we're a bit ticked off in the Blue States, so we're divorcing you. The West Coast will now be part of a new country with all the Blue States. In case you are not aware, the list includes Hawaii, California, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Pennsylvania, New York, and all of the North East States, plus the urban centers in Ohio. Please let your vacationers know they need to be back in the Red States by Winter Solstice.

We spoke to your god, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in our new country, Azureland. Your god is going to give us the blue Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. We're getting Disneyland (sorry, that's just how it goes). But she is letting you keep the KKK, the Great Basin desert, and country music. But we get the Dixie Chicks and the Blues.

Just so we're clear, the country of Azureland will be pro-choice, pro-all marriages, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue State citizens back from the US military and Iraq. If you need people to fight in Bush's crusade and murder the wounded in mosques, just ask your gung ho evangelical voters. They have tons of god-fearing kids they are willing to send to their deaths. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home. They seem pleased to die for a cause, or just because.

So, you get the war, Texas, the desert, all the former slave states, and all the tornadoes and hurricanes. Would you please take Britney Spears off our hands, after all, she's from the south, right? In exchange, you can have one rapper if you really need one. We get many of the great sports teams; you can have all of NASCAR.

More:
http://www.jqjacobs.net/bush/divorce.html


California's Letter of Secession - Political Joke
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. ...
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokecaliforniasecession.htm


See also:


THE URBAN ARCHIPELAGO
by The Editors of The Stranger

It's the Cities, Stupid.

There are two maps on this page.

<snip>

Take a look at the second map. This map shows a county-by-county red/blue breakdown, and it provides a clearer picture of the bind the Democrats finds themselves in. The majority of the blue states--Washington, Oregon, California, Illinois, Minnesota, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Delaware--are, geographically speaking, not blue states. They are blue cities.

Look at our famously blue West Coast. But for the cities--Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and San Diego--the West Coast would be a deep, dark red. The same is true for other nominally blue states. Illinois is almost entirely red--Chicago turns the state blue. Michigan is almost entirely red--Detroit, Lansing, Kalamazoo turn it blue. And on and on. What tips these states into the blue column? Their urban areas do, their big, populous counties.

<snip>

THE URBAN ARCHIPELAGO

It's time to state something that we've felt for a long time but have been too polite to say out loud: Liberals, progressives, and Democrats do not live in a country that stretches from the Atlantic to the Pacific, from Canada to Mexico. We live on a chain of islands. We are citizens of the Urban Archipelago, the United Cities of America. We live on islands of sanity, liberalism, and compassion--New York City, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, St. Louis, Minneapolis, San Francisco, and on and on. And we live on islands in red states too--a fact obscured by that state-by-state map. Denver and Boulder are our islands in Colorado; Austin is our island in Texas; Las Vegas is our island in Nevada; Miami and Fort Lauderdale are our islands in Florida. Citizens of the Urban Archipelago reject heartland "values" like xenophobia, sexism, racism, and homophobia, as well as the more intolerant strains of Christianity that have taken root in this country. And we are the real Americans. They--rural, red-state voters, the denizens of the exurbs--are not real Americans. They are rubes, fools, and hate-mongers. Red Virginia prohibits any contract between same-sex couples. Compassionate? Texas allows the death penalty to be applied to teenaged criminals and has historically executed the mentally retarded. (When the Supreme Court ruled executions of the mentally retarded unconstitutional in 2002, Texas officials, including Governor Rick Perry, responded by claiming that the state had no mentally retarded inmates on death row--a claim the state was able to make because it does not test inmates for mental retardation.) Dumb? The Sierra Club has reported that Arkansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Alabama, and Tennessee squander over half of their federal transportation money on building new roads rather than public transit.

<snip>

If Democrats and urban residents want to combat the rising tide of red that threatens to swamp and ruin this country, we need a new identity politics, an urban identity politics, one that argues for the cities, uses a rhetoric of urban values, and creates a tribal identity for liberals that's as powerful and attractive as the tribal identity Republicans have created for their constituents. John Kerry won among the highly educated, Jews, young people, gays and lesbians, and non-whites. What do all these groups have in common? They choose to live in cities. An overwhelming majority of the American popuation chooses to live in cities. And John Kerry won every city with a population above 500,000. He took half the cities with populations between 50,000 and 500,000. The future success of liberalism is tied to winning the cities. An urbanist agenda may not be a recipe for winning the next presidential election--but it may win the Democrats the presidential election in 2012 and create a new Democratic majority.

More (long, and very good article):
http://www.urbanarchipelago.com/



Fuck The South
http://www.fuckthesouth.com/
(I may or may not necessarily endorse the ideas expressed at the above site).

[Ian David]

18. Jesusland Election Update: 112% turnout

<snip>

1/10/2005 11:12PM OFFICIAL STATEMENT - ELECTION UPDATE!
We are busy counting the election results for our cabinet positions, with almost all dioceses and counties reporting. We have an unbelievable 112% turnout this year, so it looks to be an interesting race. Please stay tuned for final results, to be reported tomorrow depending on the number of mail-in Christmas card ballots.

<snip>

11/11/2004 10:00AM OFFICIAL STATEMENT - National Anthem
What's a fledgeling crypto-fascist theocracy without a national anthem? Our finest Christian anthem-meisters have fasted and prayed, and, with God's help, have penned the following inspirational ditty. Without further ado, the official, focus group-approved Jesusland national anthem, specially designed to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies whilst making the countenances of our citizenry beam with pride!

"The Star Spangled Bible"

Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light
How our country, once proud, has the whole planet hooting?
Our kids die in false wars, our economy bites,
But who cares about that, 'cuz we love persecuting.

So the church leaders bitched, civil rights we have ditched,
We'll bend over for Bush so long as fags can't get hitched
O say, does that star-spangled Bible yet thump
O'er the land of the freak and the home of the chump?

Here at Jesusland.com we have a motto: "Nothing is written in stone except the Ten Commandments". If the Good Lord inspires you with a holier anthem than the above, do send it in and it will be anointed thusly.

More:
http://www.JesusLand.com

[ComerPerro]

20. Wonder what those rugged individualists will think of this?

[warrens]

22. They get Krispy Kreme, Piggly Wiggley and Wal-Mart

We get Costco, Target, Best Buy and Trader Joe.

[Jo March]

25. Krispy Kreme is awesome - I don't care about the calories

KK serves doughnuts not cake doughnuts which are gross.

I'd rather have KK than Trader Joe.

[davidinalameda]

27. it's a good thing I don't eat too many donuts

or else I'd be moving for Krispy Kreme

[bvar22]

30. Only if we find some way...

...to keep New Orleans.

I'll be eating oysters in the Acme Oyster House and probably get left behind.

Can't do it without New Orleans and Austin.

[tavalon]

41. Yeah,

perhaps, we could look into an Austin/New Orleans relocation plan? Poor Austin (I'm from there when I'm not enjoying myself up here in Seattle), a wonderful city that had the misfortune of being located in one of the most backwards silly ass third world states.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

35. Great post. If only it could happen.

I'd happily wave bye-bye to all the BillyBobs and LorettaSues.

[Gelliebeans]

36. With all the money we would

save from not supporting red states we could relocate all dems and greenies from red state hell and pay for health insurance for all.

I would be willing to house a displaced blue voter in a red state myself.
I am sure my compadres in Cali would also be willing to help out any dem or greenie relocate.

Just think of the parties we would have ;)

[QC]

39. This particular spam was old and worn out months ago,

and constant repetition hasn't improved it any.

But it--and this thread--do serve as wonderful object lessons in why the GOP has gotten so much mileage out of the cliché of the smug, self-righteous liberal and how far our party needs to go if we are ever going to be in the majority again, something unlikely to happen so long as we continue to hold most of our fellow Americans in contempt.

[southlandshari]

45. Well said, QC.

As usual.

:applause:

[MasonJar]

46. Great post which needs to be sent to all who will listen, but, hey,

you forgot all of us liberals who live in the red states.