RUNAWAY BRIDE STRAYS INTO WHITE HOUSE AIR SPACE

[caligirl]

President Unharmed

Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks ignited a security scare in Washington today when a small Cessna 152 she piloted strayed into White House air space, forcing the evacuation of the White House, the Capitol, and twenty other government buildings.

According to sources close to Ms. Wilbanks, the wedding-averse 32-year-old from Gainesville, Georgia had seemed "restless" in recent days, especially after her jilted fiancé, John Mason, told the press that he forgave her and still wanted to marry her.

"When John said he wanted her back, that seemed to set her off," said one associate of Ms. Wilbanks. "The next thing you know she's behind the controls of a Cessna, trying to get the hell out of the country."

When Ms. Wilbanks violated White House air space at approximately 2 PM, warplanes scrambled from Andrews Air Force Base and fired four signal flares at the runaway bride before escorting her plane to an airport in Frederick, Maryland.

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said that the government was looking into a possible connection between Ms Wilbanks and the international terror organization al-Qaeda, but had so far come up empty: "Osama bin Laden is a terrorist madman, but this woman is just plain crazy."

Secretary Chertoff also defended the decision, made during the height of the crisis, not to inform the President, who was riding his bicycle at the time: "The last thing you want to do is make him fall off his bike again."

Elsewhere, Democrats in the Texas Legislature proposed a new bill calling high school cheerleaders' routines "not sexy enough."

Borowitzreport.com

[Goldmund]

1. Prolly should be in the Lounge...

[Bunny]

2. HAHAHAHAHA!

:rofl:

[Beetwasher]

3. F16 Pilots Were Overheard Saying "Don't Shoot Until You See

the whites of her eyes!"

[underpants]

4. OO

[Beetwasher]

5. BTW, Wasn't This Your Bit?

Someone's biting your shit!

[underpants]

7. Second time

I just posted a picture of Madame Wilbanks someone on the Freep wrote out an article like this borowitz one. Very funny.

[underpants]

6. Bush Protects Nation From Unidentified Bicyclist

http://benquirer.blogspot.com/



UPPER MARLBORO, MD - Yesterday, President Bush protected the country from near-disaster after he encountered a stray, unidentified bicyclist on the bike paths of the Merkle Wildlife Sanctuary. 10-year-old Jimmy Fairbanks sped by Bush on his Huffy 3-speed, without calling out "On your left, Mr. President" or even just, "On your left".

Fairbanks represented an unidentified threat, and may have been carrying a toy grenade. One thing was for sure, the boy definitely had a water pistol, strapped to the back of his Huffy.



Meanwhile, in nearby Washington D.C., a similar incident was occurring when an unidentified, incommunicative Cessna plane forced the evacuation of the Capitol, the White House, and the Cannon House office building. Vice President Dick Cheney and First Lady Laura Bush were relocated to a secure, undisclosed location. President Bush was so busy protecting the country from young Jimmy Fairbanks, he didn't hear about the stray Cessna until an hour later.

When asked why the Secret Service did not alert President Bush to the most serious airplane threat since September 11th, an anonymous Secret Service agent said, "He was having so much fun on his bike, we didn't want to bother him. Besides, it's not like he would've done anything.