Lawmakers investigate the WHIZZINATOR...you won't BELIEVE this one!

[Nothing Without Hope]

Just think of all the investigations that are stalled or avoided, then look at this article. I'm sure you people can come up with some magnificently snarky comments. Go for it.
:thumbsup:

http://tinyurl.com/calgd

Lawmakers object to fake penis for drug tests

Thu May 12, 2005 9:12 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A life-like prosthetic penis called the Whizzinator and other products promising to help illegal drug users pass urine tests provoked U.S. lawmakers on Wednesday to take legal action with subpoenas of manufacturers.

Lawmakers objected to attempts to circumvent drug tests with products such as The Whizzinator, a fake penis that can provide a flow of clean urine "again and again, anytime, anywhere you need it!" according to the Web site www.whizzinator.com.

A congressional subcommittee voted to subpoena the owner of Puck Technology of Signal Hill, California, the company that makes the Whizzinator. The panel also voted to subpoena the owners of Health Choice of New York City and Spectrum Labs of Cincinnati, two companies that lawmakers said also were suspected of selling products aimed at circumventing workplace drug tests.

(snip)

Actor Tom Sizemore, who played a sergeant in the war movie "Saving Private Ryan," was caught using the Whizzinator to try and pass drug tests, California prosecutors said in February. He was put in jail after using a similar device and failing a drug test, prosecutors said.

(snip)

[delete_bush]

1. The celebrity endorsements are priceless...

even though my penis is normally small, the whizzinator makes me look and feel like a man when I'm taking a piss test - Sean Hannity

How is this legal? Drug tests are given for a reason. Shamefully, you have given loser drug addicts a way around them. Dumbasses. - Rush Limbaugh


OH MY GOD!! The whizzinator is a true gift from the heavens!! Oh...and my girlfriend likes it too! Thanks! - Ann Coulter

[Nothing Without Hope]

3. Good ones!!

:applause:

Maybe O'Liely got a custom model, since he likes loofahs!

[delete_bush]

13. I think Uncle Bill is the one who supplies

them with the dehydrated urine. I hear the best stuff comes from those with dehydrated brains.

[Occulus]

2. Daily Show, I think, did something on this several months back n/t

[me b zola]

4. OMG, I thought you were refering to chimp as the Whizzinator

because of how he pissed on the WH floor when Reagan was in office! I guess I should have known better, you capialized Whizzinator! ROTFLMAO!

[ebayfool]

8. Don't feel all alone, I thought it was @ jimmy/jeff & his pic showing him

whizzing w/his ... ummm, was it an 8in cut or uncut?! LOL

[Valerie5555]

14. Or how he whizzed in his pants on September 11, 2001

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[spindoctor]

5. Several Democratic members of congress noticed the lack of balls...

"very lifelike, but this won't work for Barbara Boxer."

[Valerie5555]

7. Thought Barbara Boxer already HAD balls or I wonder if she borrowed them

from Cynthia Mckinnney.

[Goldmund]

6. How beautiful it would be if it ended up on the house floor.

Imagine hearing the word "Whizzinator" uttered repeatedly by the Chirstian Taliban reps, with that tone of righteous indignation...

[Valerie5555]

9. I wonder what would happen if they actually came up with a fake VULVA or

VAGINA "whizzinator" for women.

[Nothing Without Hope]

10. The Whizzinator home page is a scream - but I'm not going any further!

http://www.whizzinator.com
UNDETECTABLE! FOOLPROOF! RE-USABLE!

The WHIZZINATOR© is an easy to conceal, easy to use urinating device with a very realistic prosthetic penis. It has been extensively tested and proven to work under real-life conditions!

The WHIZZINATOR© is designed to be comfortably worn as an undergarment for extended periods of time!

Used with our organic heat pads, it is GUARANTEED to maintain body temperature for EIGHT HOURS! And our quality production and materials assures you that the WHIZZINATOR© will let it flow, again and again, anytime, anywhere you need it!

FUNNIEST OF ALL:
They tried to get themselves off the legal hook with the following small print:
"The Whizzinator is to be used in accordance with all Federal, State and Local laws."
I wonder exactly which laws those would be?

[chalky]

15. My favorite testimonial:

"this is the shinizzll thanks puck I make 85,000 a year at my job and can freely enjoy life, and keep my career at the same time. it really works and you don't even realize that you are wearing it. I only use it for insurance reasons mostly, but the hydro nugz don't show up either. KOOL!!!"

[Nothing Without Hope]

16. That is truly bizarre. And he makes $85K a year - doing WHAT, I wonder?

He must really be numbed out if he doesn't even realize he's wearing it!

[Nothing Without Hope]

11. Reminds me of the "Fuzzbuster," a commercial device to fool radar guns

in highway speed traps. I recall that there was some legal action to make them illegal because their whole purpose was to evade the law. Don't know how that eventually ended.

[Nothing Without Hope]

12. Interesting testimonial from a probation officer

From the "testimonials page" - most of them are ungrammatical brags about fooling people trying to detect their drug use. But this one was different:

Wow! You guys are pathetic. So many testimonials to use drugs (and by far the most spelling and grammatical errors I have ever seen; seems like the drugs affect your ability to write English as well). If you morons spent half your energy trying to stay clean from mind-numbing substances that you do trying to pass a piss test, you'd all be fucking geniuses with your own island somewhere growing weed and staying the hell away from me. One testimonial was right on. I'm a probation officer and I don't give a flying fuck if you smoke your shriveled brains into oblivion. My concern is all the other people you carelessly hurt in the process of your self-centered pursuit of feeding your need to be numb.... (snip)

--Not a chance, WA