Mrs. Or Ms.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

[ProgressiveConn]

1. I don't see why a woman's status should change because she got married.

Ms. is marriage neutral just like Mr.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

3. Exactly...

eom

[PinkTiger]

2. I'm old fashioned.

I prefer the MRS. I found the Ms. to be great while I was unhappily married or single, but I've been married for 28 years to a great guy, and I'm not ashamed of my married condition.

So, Mrs. it is.

Besides, its my title!!! I work in a University. I want to be MRS Pinktiger, not Ms. Pinktiger.

I'm not a Phd. but I have three initials after my name! (get it???)

[Warpy]

10. You are entitled to your choice

but the whole thing was for the benefit of men: Miss = fair game; Mrs. = you might have to fight a husband.

[July]

26. I'm not ashamed to be married, either.

I just don't feel that an honorific to indicate that I am is something I want.

[PinkTiger]

35. Yes, but if I wanted to suddenly be called "Ms.,"

Then I would be making some kind of statement, right?
And I don't need to make one.
I'm extremely liberated. Probably more liberated than anybody I know. So to change my "moniker" would be silly.

I haven't got a problem with anyone calling themselves Ms. I just choose not to, that is all.

[July]

44. If you're using "Mrs." and changed to "Ms.," yes, it would

probably be seen as a statement. It's your choice how you refer to yourself. I was responding to your saying that you're not ashamed that you're married.

[GetTheRightVote]

4. It is an about being ashamed, it is about not needing to change

because you are a women who must now recognize the inclusion of a man in her life yet he does not do the same when he includes her in his life. Let's be fair about this key point on the topic.

:kick:

[DemocratSinceBirth]

6. Really

Why doesn't the man take the woman's name or keep her own...

An egalitarian society must replace a patriachal one....

[Left Is Write]

19. I like to think my relationship with my husband

is egalitarian, but I did change my name when I got married.

[gollygee]

5. I don't really care one way or the other, but I go by Mrs.

so I voted for that.

Ms is good. I considered keeping my maiden name and I would have used Ms in that case.

[UdoKier]

7. I like Mrs.

Although I use "Ms." when I don't know a person's marital status. There should also be a married form of "Mr." - that would be better, IMO.

I don't like when a woman is called "Mrs. John Travolta" or whatever. She has a name!

[Left Is Write]

22. Yeah. Kelly Preston.

;)

In my 1950 Betty Crocker cookbook, submissions from their married staff members were attributed to "Mrs. Husband's Name." Submissions from their unmarried staff members were attributed to "Miss So-And-So." Submissions from former staffers who later married were attributed to "Mrs. Husband's Name, formerly Miss So-And-So."

[12345]

8. I go by Ms. because I like my status to be independent of my marriage.

That being said, I did change my name. It was the only thing my husband ever asked of me. I couldn't say no. At first it bothered me, but I like it now that we have a child.

Mrs. doesn't bother me so much, I just prefer Ms., but I hate Mr. and Mrs. Husband's Name. MY college sends ME mail addressed to me under my husband's name! It really blows my mind.

[SW FL Dem]

11. I just got mail today from my alma mater

addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Husband's name. They have my preferences on file and know I hyphenate. I sent their donation solicitation back with a note explaining why I wouldn't be donating this year.

[12345]

14. Good thinking.

To me it demeans the woman's accomplishments and negates her status as an individual. Colleges and universities should know better.

[SW FL Dem]

16. No Kidding

I attended the school as a single woman and received a professional degree. They expect the professional women at the school to be addressed properly, I was really surprised they didn't offer the alumni the same respect.

[Left Is Write]

23. I have received mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs.

but they used my maiden name instead of my married name - the addresser in effect changed my husband's name. ;)

[12345]

28. What a faux pas! (ha)

[Bluebear]

9. Whatever makes her comfortable

[Greylyn58]

12. I think whatever makes the woman

feel good. It shouldn't matter how she wears her name.

[LittleClarkie]

13. Ms instead of Miss

No problem with Mrs.

[SmokingJacket]

15. I answer to whatever.

Since I kept my own name, titles are sort of a pain. If people call me Mrs. Husbandsname, fine, I dont' correct them.

I could be Ms. Jacket, but somehow, I don't feel like a Miz. When I was a teacher and single, I went by Miss Jacket, and that was all right!

Titles seem outdated to me. Just use my name, thanks!

[Morose]

17. Slow day?

I personally prefer Goddess. so Gs.

[crispini]

25. I am SO

stealing that! :thumbsup:

[Left Is Write]

18. I prefer Mrs. for myself.

I am a big believer in calling people by the term they choose. If other women prefer Ms., then that is what I will call them. If I call them Miss or Mrs. and they correct me, I'm okay with that.

[July]

27. Yes, it's a matter of choice.

I find, however, that many people have a problem with the fact that I have retained my birth name and use Ms. (though I try to avoid any honorific if I can), even though I'm okay with their choices. That does bother me.

[Left Is Write]

30. I am astonished at the negative reactions I've seen to such situations.

I don't think most people think twice about what others choose to call themselves, but I've seen some venomous opposition to women keeping their own names after marriage. Most of that opposition has been seen online. I remember a contentious debate on another forum in which I went 'round and 'round with a woman who maintained that couples who use separate names are in doomed marriages, and women who refuse to accept their husband's names are not truly committed to their marriages. I was flabbergasted that someone not only believed that unsupportable crap, but was putting it out on a debate board.

Interestingly, that same woman announced less than two years later that she was divorcing. I guess changing her name didn't make her marriage any better, did it?

[12345]

32. I get negative reactions for taking my husband's family name.

People act as if I've accepted that I'm not equal.

I get the same reaction staying at home with our child, even though my husband and I switched off. I worked for 2 years while he stayed at home, now it's my turn. All of a sudden I've become a submissive housewife, even though I run our business from our home.

On the other hand, since most of my family are conservative/ republicans, I hear them deride women who keep their maiden names, and my husband caught hell for being at home with our child...

What can I say. People are judgemental.

[Left Is Write]

34. I stay at home also.

I've been doing it for 6½ years, and I've had to develop a pretty thick skin on that subject.

[July]

43. Don't get me started on the "housewife" thing.

I don't work (now); therefore, I'm a "housewife." In addition, I have complete strangers (such as my husband's co-workers) explain to me why I should feel just as good as anyone else even though I don't work. Gee, thanks, folks, I wouldn't feel okay with myself without your blessing. I also get a lot of assumptions about how I spend my time (I am a non-working married woman; therefore, I work at my kids' school and devote myself to my home -- uh, sorry, I mostly read and follow sports, and give about the same amount of time to home and kids as working women do, though I have more choices about when I do those things).

I feel about "housewife" the way I do about the name issue: if its what you want, it's good. If you choose something else, good. The label itself as a catchall for non-working married women bugs me, but any woman who WANTS to call herself a housewife has every right to do so, obviously. If you choose to stay home with your kids (as I did, working from home for some time), keep your birth name, change your name, work while your husband watches the kids . . . as I've said before, it's all good. Just don't tell me how to see my own choices (this isn't aimed at you, 12345).

[annabanana]

47. You work honey.. you just don't get paid!.......n/t

[July]

48. Actually, I don't have a problem saying that I don't work.

When people ask me where I work, I just say, "I don't."

We all know that we're talking about paid employment.

And, as I said before, any work I do in the home is similar to work that my working friends do after they get home from work. I don't give it more time than they do or devote myself to my home and family more than they do (I do have more flexibility about WHEN I do it, but I don't put more hours in than they do). I think working women get a bad rap when people say that they couldn't possibly do what a "stay-at-home mom" does. I know lots of terrific working moms, many of whom do more than I do in maintaining their homes and in getting involved with their kids' schools.

Everybody works in some degree. But I don't like when people laud me for staying at home, as if I'm a better mother than women who don't. I just don't believe that's true.

[July]

45. Funny, my "doomed" marriage is in its 22nd year.

Some people just don't know what they're talking about, don't you think?

[Left Is Write]

46. No, they don't. And they seem to spout the loudest!

My sister and her husband have been in their doomed marriage for 15 years.

[Henny Penny]

20. here we are all Ms...

here we are all automatically referred to as Ms. in any official communication and it is up to the individual to assign a different title, eg. Prof., Dr, Mrs, etc themselves, if they wish.

[newyawker99]

39. Hi Henny Penny!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[Henny Penny]

42. thanx

I've been lurking for a couple of weeks, but there's lots of interesting stuff on here, so I just had to sign up :-)

[sandnsea]

21. It depends

Professionally, I go with Ms. Family situations, I go with Mrs. Mostly, I just use my first name and dispense with all formality.

[Withywindle]

24. Ms. definitely,

Because if we're on formal enough terms that you're not addressing me by my first name, then it's none of your business whether I'm married or not.

[mcscajun]

29. That's it in a nutshell.

Well said!

:)

[Lauri16]

31. I'm Mrs.

Just old fashioned, I guess. :)

[madhat]

33. Dr.!

Got my doctorate a couple of years ago!

[Maiden England]

52. I second that motion

if only I could get people to actually call me Dr. it would be nice.

:eyes:

[imenja]

36. don't even get me started on Miss

[PinkTiger]

37. My reply to Miss is

I ain't missed nuthin!

[imenja]

40. wondeful! I may borrow that. n/t

[BlueIris]

54. Nice. I'm stealing that. n/t

[Hardrada]

38. Unmarried teachers are Miss around here.

On their own volition. We had a Ms from 1988 to 1996.

[JerseygirlCT]

41. Although I'm married, I never, ever want to be Mrs. anything

Ick. No thanks. Kept my name, call me Ms., my marital status isn't your concern!

(That's a general "you", don't mean to sound testy!)

[Tansy_Gold]

49. I am no longer me

I found out the other day that I am not me -- because I'm a woman.


I had applied for a job and was asked to present the usual identification materials for the standard I-9 form. The usual forms of ID are state-issued driver's license with photo and social security card.

Somewhere along the past eight or ten years, I lost my official social security card, the one I've had since changing my name upon marriage in 1970. I have always been able to use my certified birth certificate to establish my identity and my eligibility to work legally in the U.S.

Not so any more. My birth certificate isn't "legal" for my prospective employer because it isn't in the same name as my driver's license. Neither is my passport "legal" because it isn't in the same name as my driver's license.

Because I'm a woman who took her husband's name upon marriage, I have to provide ADDITIONAL PROOF of who I am -- a certified copy of my marriage certificate which will cost $$$ and can take up to three weeks to obtain.

Of course, the simple resolution is to get a replacement social security card in my "married" name -- the name change was effected in 1970, so I don't have to provide "evidence" to SSA -- which eliminates the need for other forms of ID. No fee for that, just a very long drive and again, a wait of one to two weeks, during which I am "ineligible" to work for this effing corporative hive -- because I'm no longer me.

there are many times, and today is one of them, when I truly wish I were

just


Tansy Gold

[cidliz2004]

50. Ms. If I want someone to know that I am married, I will tell them, my

name doesn't have to "announce" the fact.

[Redstone]

51. Can a guy chime in?

I've been married twice, and never forced an opinion on either wife; she could call herself as she wished, with only two provisions:

1) I hate hyphenated marriage names (just a personal preference). She was welcome to keep her maiden name as a last name (Jane Smith, as a fictitous example), use my last name, or use both (Jane Smith Redstone). But no hyphens, please.

2) (Damn, this one's going to be complicated unless I say that my first name is John, which it isn't. Let's pretend it is.) If she wanted to call herself "Mrs. Jane Redstone," that's fine with me. But I'd have, shall we say, issues if she signed her name "Mrs. John Redstone" like my mother used to do with my father's name.

I always thought it was horribly degrading for a woman to sign her name in a format that essentially described her as "The wife of my husband, who does not even have her own first name, forgetting about last name. I'm just his wife, and that's the only identity I have."

Do any married women sign their name like that anymore? I hope not; it's always bugged me, even though I'm not exactly what you'd call Alan Alda in the guy-proclaiming-himself-a-feminist sort of way.

Redstone

[AWorkerBee]

53. Neither.

I use initials