Anyone else with a bulimic/anorexic loved one--find the Schiavo story...

[CoffeeCat]

...personally upsetting because it hits close to home?

The Schiavo story is emotional and heartbreaking enough--even if you don't know someone who has an eating disorder.

I'm just wondering if those who have a friend, family member or loved one with an eating disorder--find the Schiavo story additionally upsetting due to concern for that person?

It's hard to watch Terri Schiavo die in the public spotlight, knowing that her heart attack, current state and imminent death were ultimately caused by an eating disorder.

I do worry about a family member. She's been bulimic for 20 years.

Maybe those who have eating disorders are troubled, too--as they are reminded of how serious these disorders are.

If anyone else is feeling the same concerns about your own loved ones-or about your own eating disorder--you're not alone.

[DURHAM D]

1. I find the parents continual need to CONTROL very compelling. n/t

[buzzard]

10. My daughters best friend was hospitalized for about four months

last year and one of the issues coming up was control and how it plays a role in eating disorders. Psychiatrists often see the families of anorexic bulimic patients as extremely controlling parents. That is what I see in this case parents who want control at all costs.

[Dogmudgeon]

2. Not quite, but close

My grandmother died late last October. We were very close. I took care of her for the last year of her life, and I was with her when she died.

She died of congestive heart failure, but refused food toward the end. We tried to get her to eat, but she didn't want food or water.

I have always felt that I never did enough, but I intellectually know that I did handle it well. But the guilt isn't giving up so soon.

Anyway, not only did I ALSO have to make the "pull-the-plug" decision when my father was dying, but my mother signed an advance directive a year ago before she had lung surgery. In each case, there is a legal document with my signature on it that basically says when to kill one of my family members.

This Schiavo case has really gotten to me -- it really hit home when one of the devout accused me of doing what the Nazis did.

As for Terri and Michael, I was in college with both of them. No, we weren't close friends or anything. I've also lost four other friends in the last two years.

Sometimes I feel like the death demons are having a party on my dime.

--p!

[jdj]

9. my grannie didn't want food either.

one of her last lucid moments was a very stern statement that " if you don't want to eat, YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT." And she just lost all desire for food. We gave her water til she could no longer swallow. In the last days, we had swabs that we gave her water with.

we had morphine to put under her tongue, but she hated it. One of the last communications she had with me was when I asked her even though she appeared unconscious if she needed more morphine, and she clamped her jaws together tight and pursed her lips. It makes me cry now, just thinking about it, not knowing what to do, because we had to move her to change her bedclothes a several times a day, and for some reason she had serious knee and foot pain in the last days, though she had never been troubled by this before. and she would cry out from the pain, but we had to move her to keep her from getting bed sores. That was the only agonizing part, because she was so religious and didn't want any drugs, but we had to be able to move her. I think the pain will always be there, but thank god we had hospice to help us with it. They told us it was very common for people to refuse food at the end of their life, that it was part of the dying process; this is why it's so awful for people to deny people's last wishes, if they are clear, when a body is trying to die.

[bast_rising]

11. --p! Maybe not bulimia related, but quite an emotional hit!

I really hear you on taking an emotional hit on this. My Dad, who's 84, took a major fall on hard ground on 12/11. He fractured his skull, but bled out into the frontal lobe for days, mainly because he was on blood-thinners. (I live out East, and he and the rest of my siblings live in the Midwest.) My sibs didn't want me to come in, "to give him the wrong impression on his prognosis." I visited, as planned, for the Christmas holidays, and by this time, my Dad's brain cells had died off, and he barely recognized me. At this point, he was in diapers and couldn't feed himself.

I felt so strongly how this once fiercely independent man would hate being subjected to a life of being cared for as as infant. Sometimes, death may be preferable to life, as someone wise in life once said to me.

This story has a happy ending for now. My Dad's brain swelling went down and his rehab progressed to where, after much rehab, he can go back to his house with a full-time live-in.

Very unlike Terri. . .since, he's still a greatly mentally-reduced person, but still Dad.

I guess why this issue has so much interest is because is strikes that resonant chord in our experiences.

Bast

[CoffeeCat]

12. Boy, you've endured...

...quite a bit in your lifetime.

I'm sorry about your grandmother. Those relationships are so special. You should not feel guilty. Her not accepting food and water is a natural part of the dying process. She was lucky to have a caring granddaughter like you at her side.

I'm sorry about your parents. Did they have living wills? You've definitely had to make very difficult decisions. You accepted those decisions with grace and you should pat yourself on the back for taking on so much. Your did your best...you did good.

Hugs to you.

[seabeyond]

3. what bothered me is people saying hte parents cause her eating

disorder.

as far as her experience with the disorder, it was a reminder for my thought process at the time. honor it. realize i was fortunate. understand why i went thru process,

i find her life really ironic with this illness

[BlackVelvetElvis]

4. My cousin. She died a year ago on March 17th.

People used to ask her if she had cancer-she still thought she was fat.
She threw up so much that she destroyed her bones. She was bedridden in her last days. Her internal organs eventually failed and her passing was one spent painfully.
She had been bulimic for nearly 25 years.
She suffered from very poor self esteem, her family did nothing to help her either.
And you know Terri would probably be mortified that she is on tv 24 hours a day.

[wicket]

7. I am so sorry to hear of your loss

:( :hug:

[CoffeeCat]

13. I'm sorry about your cousin...

...that would be very painful to watch your cousin suffer so much.

It doesn't sound like her family was very compassionate. It's good that she had you--someone who cared about her. I'm sure that meant a great deal to her.

I agree with you, that Terri would be mortified to see her images and voice recordings displayed for the world to see.

Again, it's tragic what happened to your cousin and I'm sorry for your loss.

[vpigrad]

5. Since the media isn't covering the cause of her problem...

then I guess most people don't find it upsetting because they don't know. Not once have I heard on the news or read in the paper that her condition was caused by an eating disorder. They're sweeping that under the rug completely. I found-out about that yesterday while reading a post here.

[thinkingwoman]

6. I was an anorexic teen

20 years ago I was anorexic and I feel for Terri Schiavo.

The part I find the most gut wrenching, and ultimately telling about the parents, is that I'm quite sure she would never want that footage of her shown on national television!

The fact that her parents don't show any sensitivity to her feelings or wishes (or the ones she would have if she had upper brain function), reinforces, for me, why they should not have any say in her life or death.

[CoffeeCat]

14. I agree with you about the parents...

...I believe Terri's parents directly defy her wishes by releasing that video of her. That video is upsetting and I'm sure Terri wouldn't have wanted anyone to see the endless footage that her parents have given to the media.

I agree, as you said, that Terri's parents should not have any say.

They seem to be operating from such a dysfunctional place.

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. I've struggled with bulimia for years. Would like to say that it is over

but it still is a problem for me.

[CoffeeCat]

15. Bulimia...

...as you know, is a tough nut to crack.

I struggle with ED issues too. I understand how difficult it is.

I hope it's ok to send you a truckload of positive, healing thoughts.

I think it's awesome that you shared a bit about your own stuff. That's not always easy to do.

You have my support and understanding.

:)

[GreenPartyVoter]

16. Thanks. I will do the same for you! *hugs*