How do you deal with your Repug parents that are voting for *?

[devilgrrl]

Huh?

Because I want to blow mine off.

[leftofthedial]

1. how old are you?

do you still live in their house?

[devilgrrl]

6. What's my age got to do with anything?

You didn't grow up with them - where do you get off judging me?

[leftofthedial]

10. i'm sorry, devilgrrl. I wasn't judging

I don't know if you are a teenager, a twenty-something or middle-aged like me.

my answer depends on whether you are independent yet or not

If you have already moved away from home, I'd recommend that you as clearly as possible tell them why you can no longer maintain a relationship with fascists and have as little as possible to do with them from now on. Be a good child--they are your parents and you have a responsibility to them, but not a friend.

If you are still dependent on your parents, I'd suggest that you tell them as clearly as possible how you feel and that you can't condone their support for fascists. Then, when you ARE independent, have as little as possible to do with them.

[HFishbine]

2. Treat them

as you'll want them to treat you when Kerry wins.

[xray s]

3. I am in the same boat

I don't talk to them anymore about politics.

[Lefty48197]

4. They cancel each other out. I'm the tie breaker.

.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. We don't talk about the election at all.

The arguments with my parents about the Vietnam war and my antiwar activities in those days were so intense and unpleasant that I just don't get into politics with them any more. They are elderly and I'm not going to change their minds at this point. It's not worth the upset. If your parents are younger, however, you might be able to persuade them, but my and my friends' experience in the 60s suggests that when these arguments come up the whole family just ends up pissed off.

[nostamj]

7. I sent them the John Eisenhower Op-Ed

and appealed to them to vote in their grandchildren's best interest. (they will have TWO grandsons eligible for a draft if * gets another term)

response?

<crickets>

[autorank]

8. Disinherit them!

Tell them if they want to screw up their social security system and Medicare, they can, you just won't have any space, funds, etc. when they start complaining. Or, you can offer to fill out their absentee ballot for them.

[unblock]

9. tell them to vote however they want on wednesday, november 3rd.

:evilgrin:

[BillZBubb]

11. When my father and I argued during Vietnam, I finally

said something like": "Dad, when I was growing up I always looked up to you for your intelligence and goodness. But, knowing that you would vote for a criminal like Nixon, knowing what you know, has really changed that perception. I guess I've grown up."

I think he was ashamed (but he still probably voted for Tricky Dick).

[devilgrrl]

12. They already voted for ASSFACE absentee in Florida!

:puke::puke::puke::puke:

[LiberalFighter]

29. Don't get mad... Don't get even... Educate them and

determine what issues make them tick. Expose what the Republican party is all about and educate them about what the Democratic Party does for people and the country.

[SOS]

18. Some good news

My 78 year-old father voted Republican throughout the 70s and 80s.
Today he detests Bush, sends money to Kerry, and can't wait to vote.
He used to favor conservative fiscal policy, but now can't stand his former party.
Mostly because of the religiosity.
I started voting in 1980 and have cast 100% Democratic votes ever since, so in the old days we cancelled eachother's votes. :)

[BillZBubb]

21. My dad also went through that transformation.

Once Social Security became an issue for him and the religious nuts started running the Repug party, his voting habits changed for the better.

[Buck Rabbit]

26. ..

[LiberalFighter]

28. Co-worker of mine has a father that still supported Nixon after Watergate

They are a lost cause.

[Psst_Im_Not_Here]

13. We just don't talk about politics

I love my parents deeply. My mom and I used to argue politics, but, this year, it's much too emotional. So we talk about my kids, the weather, work anything else but the elephant in the room.

I get my "political junkiness" from my mother, who used to be an independent (voted for Anderson in 1980). So it can be pretty dicey. Luckily my parents had 3 kids and we're all liberal dems. We not only cancel their votes but go 1 up on them. My father says they should have stopped at 2 <grins>.

[cjm2222]

14. I'm in a similar situation

except I really get along well with my parents. Besides, I think my mom is voting for Kerry--however, she never tells anyone for whom she votes. She isn't that thrilled with Bush. My dad is voting for Bush.

In the end, they vote how they vote and I vote how I vote. I'm still going to get along well with them because they are good people. Plus, in my state, Kerry is a lock so (nelson muntz laugh) ha ha.

[Malva Zebrina]

15. I have the opposite situation

with a daughter that has in no uncertain terms told me to go "F" myself. I have not heard from her in months.

I often wonder with you kids who are disowning your parents if you ever ask yourself the following:

Does it work both ways? Is it a two way street?

In other words, what is the chance that your parents would disown you and never talk to you again because of a political issue? I suspect that parents have a greater sense of a tie than the spoiled brats who demand they straighten up and think like they do. It seems to me that parents will hold on to the love, and it is the petulant children who are so ready to disown them. It should work both ways, eh?

If your parents disowned you, would you be whining about their "dissertion"?

[devilgrrl]

17. "would you be whining about their "dissertion"?"

There are many times where I thought they already had and in those instances, politics had nothing to do with it.

You don't know anything about the relations with my family... okay.

[Malva Zebrina]

20. Granted, I don't

but from what I know of the many parents I know, whose children seem to hate them to a hurtful degree as only parents know, they do not carry the same type of hatred toward their children.

It is a one sided affair, usually on the part of the children who are behaving as if they deserved everything and every consideration, whether they deserve it or not.

It should go both ways and whatever your situation, you should certainly give your parents the same leeway as that which you give yourself and that is--if you disown them, they could certainly, in all fairness, disown you.

You seem to be expecting something from your parents that you are not willing to give them yourself.

My point is that it seldom goes that way.

Whatever you feel toward your parents, perhaps they are feeling the same toward you. So, it may be even, eh?

[neebob]

39. My mom avoids me as much as I avoid her

and it's not the first time she's done it, either. The first time wasn't about politics, and this time it's about more than that but politics is part of it. It's a different deal this time - much more complicated. Without going into detail, it's a combination of Dad, religion, and politics. It started a year and a half ago, when my dad died and I made the mistake of sharing my feelings about him. I did it in hopes of moving our relationship to some adult ground where we could at last have an honest conversation and base our relationship on the things we have in common. I stupidly thought it would improve things, but it made them infinitely worse. My mother is incapable of emotional honesty. Couple this with her extreme religious and political beliefs, and it's no fun talking to her.

Actually, I think she avoids me more than I avoid her. So, yeah, it's a two-way street.

To answer your question, if she disowned me, I wouldn't whine, but I wouldn't think she was a very good mother. Putting the first time she shunned me together with the issues we're having now is already causing me to question her parenting.

The way I see it, you have the parent and the child. Parent is the power position, and unless the child is a sociopath or something, the relationship is the creation of the parent. That's a big part of my standoff with my mom - her insistence and my refusal to accept half of the responsibility for my relationship with my dad. I simply don't have any warm fuzzy feelings for him, and that's his doing. She refuses to accept that, and here we are: shunning each other.

My kid doesn't go hide in his room when I get home. What's different?

My dad was a jerk, and my mom thinks I'm bad for saying so. She will never admit that he was abusive, which he most certainly was - to her, too. I'm also bad for not thinking everything America does is good and for not believing in God and for saying the Mormon church is a scam and George Wonderful Goodpersonbush is a criminal. She's completely brainwashed, and instead of just accepting the disagreement, she keeps trying to change my position. She throws out little barbs and then plays dumb, innocent, and wounded at the suggestion. When she gets mad, she tells me my son will do the same thing to me and then I'll understand. Ha! You'll get yours - or, as my dad used to say, "Your chickens will come home to roost." Is that good parenting? I don't think so.

We've had some very heated arguments. I haven't told her to fuck off, though, and if I did I'd feel a need to apologize.

[Malva Zebrina]

43. that is just a very informative post re how children regard their parents

these days. We all must defend ourselves, even if it is to defend ourselves against our own children who we have known longer than they know us.

I am truly sorry it turns out that way amd at this point in my life, it has been an awakening==and a cognitive dissonance. There is nothing left for a parent whose children turn against her/him but to retreat into her/his own world and try to live out life with a new approach, if that is possible, so deep is the pain.

As a mother who did everything she knew how to do for her babies, who had issues in her own childhood, who cried,laughed and did stupid things as anybody else, who was a human being coping as best anyone could with what was the situation at any given time.

Imagine your parents who could cry. Imagine your parents who tried the best they could with what they had. Imagine them as you.

Can you do that? Can you put yourself in their place instead of trashing on them because they do not fit into your demanding slot?

Can you imagine your parents as young people,loving each other, free and happy, wanting to have you and giving you all they knew how to give to their little baby?

Can you imagine them crying tears or imagine their disappointments in life? Can you imagine them as human beings?

[neebob]

44. I have a lot of empathy for my mom, actually,

and I don't feel I'm wrong for expecting some in return. It pains me that our relationship is where it is. I feel like it's my fault, but then that's how I was raised.

I'm perfectly capable of imagining my parents as young lovers and everything you said. My dad had good qualities and was a good parent in some ways. Did you miss the part where I said he was abusive? He was - verbally and emotionally. Part of my mother's problem, I think, is that she's disappointed in the way her life turned out - thanks in large part to my dad. Still, she misses him. She doesn't like being single. I could help her with that, but it would involve her seeing me as an adult with something valuable to offer, instead of this misguided child who needs to be corrected every five minutes.

Did I mention I'm 44? It's no longer her job to correct me.

I'm not going to write another big essay and go into all kinds of detail in hopes of helping you understand. I thought devilgrrl was being defensive and premature in taking the position that you don't know her story, but now I'm going to do the same. You've made these blanket statements about petulant children and loving, self-sacrificing parents, and you seem to be assuming that the children and parents in question fit your definitions, without knowing the stories.

You're obviously angry at your daughter. I don't blame you. I'm sure my mother is angry at me, but she would never say that in a million years. Only I am angry. I'm not, really, but she thinks I am - and angry is bad. That's her excuse for shunning me.

The demanding slot goes both ways, too.

Incidentally, the last time my mother called me was August 22nd. I've called her twice since then.

[Malva Zebrina]

45. well then the point is brought home

at the age of forty four, one can no longer blame one's parents for their perceived imbalances in their life. It rings hollow.

and yes, I am very sad that my daughter has chosen to go that route. She is forty. I never thought when I was bringing her up that she would disown me and am baffled by it and very hurt.

There is nothing I can do about it but I think of it every night as I go to sleep, remembering all the things I felt as a Mom doing my best to bring her up according to my conception of what I needed to give her.

As one gets older, one begins to understand better and one can imagine their own parents going through the same thing, given what they had at that time in their lives which may be something we can never realize because they actually wanted something better for us or me and did their best with what they had to do that, and one learns to forgive all the perceived hurts and disappointments one might harbor against them as adolescents or young adults. There comes a time when one grows up and cannot blame parents for their own shortcomings because responsibility is one's own and no longer in the hands of the parent.

My father never graduated from High school and my mother had only a high school education. The family was burdened with a handicapped child, additionally. I resented a lot of things as a young girl, but w

hen I matured I realized I could not longer blame them for my life. It was up to me to make it what I wanted. Yet I never trashed them, because as I grew, I realized that they were also vulnerable human beings, who could shed tears, who were a product of their times, which meant that certain things were not discussed at home, and etc. etc.

[neebob]

47. I said nothing about imbalances in my life

or whose fault they are. You're pretty good at reading in things that are not there and being very rigid, I think. Kinda reminds me of talking to my mom. You'd like her - everyone does, including me. Too bad she's such a wingnut.

[dave502d]

16. Look at it this way,tell one of them you took their vote away.

[Was_Immer]

19. Ask why

and call em morons

[blue agave]

22. I have the same problem ..

from way back. My father and I didn't speak to each other for many years. My mother insisted on keeping the family together (bless her heart) and so we occasionally visit now, and avoid the subject of politics. If my father brings up any right wing crap, I throw it back in his face and that usually shuts him up for awhile.

A couple of years ago we visited during winter holiday, and my mother brought out her most prized posession, as if it were a special proviledge for me to see it; a Christmas card from chimpy. I almost threw up all over it.

Then, during last summer's visit, she confided in me that she was terrible distaught over bush's behavior and simply could not support him anymore. However, she did not relish the alternative, the shame of voting for a "liberal". I assured her that patriotic citizens from all walks of life have been waking up to evils of this administration, and realize that it is time to put politics aside and work together to get rid of bush. I told her that she would be in the company of many other conservatives who also feel betrayed, but are still reluctant to discuss their feelings in public. She is considering it.

Mom opened up her desk drawer to retreive the phone book and there, sitting on top was an 8x10 photo of the chimp. She held it in her hands for a moment with a tormented look on her face, then folded it in half, face closed, and stuffed it into the bottom of the drawer. I'm betting that the next time she happens across the photo, it ends up in the fireplace.

Then again, she'll have some 'splaining to do when dad wants it back up on the wall. He is another story.

[Catt03]

23. Divorce them?

kidding....How about family counseling? I believe that would work.

I would have to stay away from them until after the election. My sister and neice are Repugs but they are in a safe Democratic state. I just don't talk to about politics during these trying times.

[ismnotwasm]

24. I argue with my Dad every chance I get

Because he has no real argument, and he knows it. I even told him how to get bush/cheney signs because he lives in a very, very liberal neighborhood. I gave him a Kerry/Edwards sign, and a "Help stamp out Mad cowboy disease, vote Democratic sign for one of his neighbors--he likes her and was more than happy to give them to her. He does not understand the stakes this election, he honestly believes that it's politics as usual. I take the high road with him, and continually encourage him to look up FACTS, I tell him we live in the information age, and their is no excuse to remain ignorant. I make a little headway now and again. He loves to argue, so we don't really fight, but I hate to see anyone, who just wants to be your average everyday (but still deluded) Barry Goldwater republican get conned by those bastards in office.

[immoderate]

30. Irony

Barry Goldwater would be considered a liberal by contempory Repubs. Ha ha.

--IMM

[salin]

25. keep talking/arguing

over the years a number of DUers - by arguing facts and providing documentation - have "turned" their GOP folks around...

[Buck Rabbit]

27. When you inherit their money, donate their accumulated

tax cuts to the Democrats in their name.

When my freeperish mother-in-law passes on, she is going to be a big donor to many progressive causes. She doesn't know this now, but when it happens God can tell her all about the good works being done in her name.

In the meantime we don't discuss politics and we get along wonderfully.

My parents on the other hand are progressive as can be.

[Gyre]

31. I'm with you

But we can't tell you how to run your life. I talk to mine as little as possible, and never about politics unless they bring it up. When they do I slam their logic and tell them that nothing good will come of "this conversation". Ends it pretty quick. Don't say or do anything that will cause much guilt, on your part, down the road.

Rest assured that everybody has myopic fools that they're related to.

Gyre

[oldsneakers]

32. Same problem here-both voting *

They live in NYC & always vote Dem senate & house but are voting for * this year. Mom claimed she doesn't like the way Kerry looks????How the hell do you argue with someone like that?

[Skittles]

33. I am offering to kick some parent ass

let me know

[lastliberalintexas]

38. How about in-laws?

:-)

[Skittles]

41. NOT A PROBLEM

AND MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE!

[radfringe]

34. When I hear them

bitching about property taxes going up, cost for their meds going up etc. I just tell them to keep voting for bush* -- because if bush* gets in for another 4-years, local/state taxes, meds, gas, heating fuel will keep going up and up and up

[Generator]

35. Tell them the grandchild is sick and ask for a big check and send it to

Kerry. Nah..that would be mean.

Actually my Dad would probably vote for Kerry, but he has never voted in his life. We are estranged at this point and he's a real creep.

I think I'd prefer a good father that was Repuke to a rotten one that was Democrat. The grass is always greener.

[skygazer]

36. My dad is a diehard Repug

Oddly enough, I am able to debate politics with him pretty civilly but he will not change his mind and neither will I. My daughter is also a Bush supporter and is a little more fanatic about it than dad who is simply a lifelong Republican - she is more like a religious convert.

Both of them drive me nuts but I will not allow my family ties to be broken over politics. I avoid the subject with my daughter and hope that she will have the grace to realize she was wrong eventually. I debate with my dad but don't let it get personal.

It is, of course, your choice what you do. I would rather keep an open line of communication in case they do decide to come around. Regardless of their wrongheaded opinions, I still love them.

[atre]

37. Hide their car keys on Election Day

nm

[spanone]

40. I've seen too many youngsters for bush* to talk about their parents

I am a parent. That doesn't make me a republican. My generation was part of the sixties so you're question is invalid. Except in your case.

[PyschoSteve85]

48. WTF

Are ur rents blind/ My parents actually are voting kerry same with me.

[Dastard Stepchild]

42. My in-laws are votin' for Bush...

I just let it go. They'll never change my mind, and I could never think to change theirs. My husband and I console ourselves by privately gloating about how our intelligence and awareness far surpasses theirs. It's the best we can do. My parents are tried and true Dems, so we have all of our politcal chats with them, and leave topics of the weather and TV shows for chats with his parents.

[AngryAmish]

46. All excuses aside --Crush them