Pope's altar cloth makers turn to a more profitable line - thongs

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From Independent
By Hilary Davies in Koniakow, Poland

The Polish village of Koniakow is not its former serene self. Is the reason bitter wartime memories or the legacy of 50 years of Communist rule? No. It is underwear. Very skimpy, very tight underwear.

For hundreds of years the local lace-making grannies have been crocheting altar cloths and Roman Catholic vestments, including one altar cloth for the Pope. But some have switched production in rather a dramatic fashion. They have started making thongs - and the Church is not happy about it. So unhappy, in fact, that the local priest has even been naming and shaming the thong-makers in church on Sundays.

Traditionalists agree with this tough line. At the village's one-room lace museum, Mieczyslaw Kamieniarz fumed: "All of Koniakow is ashamed." He points to the walls of the museum, which are papered with the awards his wife's lacework has won. "Just think, we've made Koniakow lace for altar cloths, priests' robes, even the Pope himself. And now people are going to wear Koniakow lace on their arses," he said.

The makers of the stringi, as they are known, are unabashed. After all, business is booming. Malgorzata Stanaszek, a lace maker in her twenties, set up a production company and its website now has orders flooding in from as far away as the US and Japan.

More:
http://news.independent.co.uk/europe/story.jsp?story=549050

New business opportunity looms: ecclesiastical colors for the Curia, so that Cardinals now get red thongs (to match those hats), Archbishops/Bishops get purple and JP2 papal white....

[seemslikeadream]

1. Damn you thong makers!

arses?

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2. Looks like an altar cloth to me....

"Dupa" or sometimes "pupa" = polish for arse....

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3. TheSpoof lays it on the line:

"Pope orders holy vestment sewers to diversify into thongs"

Snip:

Vatican City, Tuesday (Rioters) - A full-scale doctrinal schizm is facing the Holy Mother Church tonight following revelations that the Pope has ordered the ladies of the Polish Ecclesiastical Sewing Tradition (PEST) to desist from stitching up any more ceremonial vestments or altar cloths and to turn to the production of more profitable sidelines to help balance the Vatican's deeply troubled domestic accounts: the sewing of thongs.

This latest development follows the devastating news last month that all the Vatican's bank accounts have been frozen yet again, this time at the Riggs Bank where CEO Jonathan Bush, the US President's uncle, was fined $25 million for doing General Pinochet's laundry in public.

In a further twist, it now emerges that the Osama bounty-hunters that the beleagured Riggs' CEO hired earlier this year to help pay off the fine and who were caught running a private Abu-Ghraib-style jail in Afghanistan are, infact, fully-accredited Papal Pro-Nuncios to the Taleban whose ecumenical brief to convert the heathen masses of the Tora Bora was personally financed by John Paul II 's air miles, accrued from his globe-trotting mercy missions to exiled Rebublicans Abroad worldwide. As such, the mercenaries are claiming full entitlement to Vienna Convention status and diplomatic immunity from any form of prosecution.

More:
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i6208