Well my freeper father's at it again emailed me more crap (my response)

[noahmijo]

After countless times of telling to just quit it since everytime our political arguments end with me throwing out some truth and him just storming off he continues to email me bullshit.

This is his latest:

>The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches
>occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small
>bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
>
>The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This
>epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the
>occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:
>Liberals and Conservatives.
>
>Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
>agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
>it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's why villages were
>formed.
>
>Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they
>were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
>
>Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live with
>the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the
>sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal
>movement. An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these early liberal
>men eventually evolved into women.


Anyways you get the idea. The part of this freeper story that pissed me off was how at the end it eludes to how Liberals have accomplished nothing.

So I responded with the "Joe The Republican Story"

I'm sure everyone here knows that one.

But to really hit home I ended my email to him with this message:

(BTW my father works for the county attourney's office and his worked for the government his whole life which to me is the reason he's out of touch and uncaring for those who know what lay-offs ect are all about)

So this is what I said at the end:

Don’t forget to thank the conservative Republicans today for not taking away the government sponsored dental insurance that you receive due to your job that just helped me void a $137 bill today that included x-rays, cleaning, and a full examination.

I mean after-all people like us put a drain on the market by having such greedy benefits like that. We should cut taxes for those who make millions and say cut those benefits they’re just a form of wasteful spending anyway.

Wonder if this will sink in...I've gotten no response yet...

[sangh0]

1. My response

"Why do you hate your children?"

After all, you are a liberal, right?

[iconoclastic cat]

2. Man, you need a divorce.

[HFishbine]

3. I'd ask him

who the conservative men were boinking before the evolution of women from the liberals. Was that the beginning of the Log Cabin Republicans?

[Downtown Hound]

4. If it was me, I'd simplify the whole deal by saying

"Another great reason to love beer! It created liberals!" Damn it! Now I'm thirsty. I'm going to go pick up a sixpack.

[JHB]

5. Another Winner...

...of the "Mallard Fillmore Lame Duck Award for Autosatisfaction".

Would he like the "patting self on the back" model, or the x-rated version?

[guitar man]

6. Impossible

Everyone knows this couldn't have happened. The Earth is only 6,000 years old, so how could something like this have happened 10,000 years ago?

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

7. One way to respond is to rewrite the story,

like this:
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's why villages were
formed.

Some of the men thought they could grow grain by themselves and brew their own beer. They spent their time thinking of ways to screw everyone else in the village by passing laws benefitting them directly at the expense of the rest of the village. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

[Warren DeMontague]

8. Hyuk Hyuk Hyukkk.. Oh, And "Joe The Republican"- Pls. Repost!

I have some folks who need to see that. Thanks!!!

[noahmijo]

10. Joe The Republican in its entirety

A Day In The Life of Joe Republican
Thanks to Karin for sending this our way

Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards.

He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety and work as advertised.

All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too because his employer needs to offer competitive benefits to hire the best people.

Joe prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

Joe drives to work in one of the safest cars in the world because some liberal fought to raise safety standards and emission controls.

Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with good pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some Liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC up to $100,000 because some liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from greedy, unscrupulous bankers like the ones who ruined the banking system before the depression.

Joe needs to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below market federal student loan because some liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his life-time.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican's might still be sitting in the dark!)

He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home.

He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn't tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day)

Joe agrees, "We don't need those big government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have".

[Eloriel]

15. That is WONDDERFUL!!

A real keeper.

[hatrack]

9. I have a simple but effective method for dealing with messages like these

Whenever they arrive, I inform the sender that each time one appears in my mailbox, it means $25 more for the Democratic candidate or organization of my choice.

It shuts them right up, and doesn't keep you from contributing anyway even if they stop sending the BS! ;-)

[info being]

11. It always cracks me up when government employees...

(including soldiers) are anti-government. Their entire existance is paid for by you and I...and they preach self-reliance!

[the Kelly Gang]

12. thank you..I love this...it's everything my mother tells my freepers

brothers..she will love it..all she can do now she is old is try to tell them how their liberal union shop steward grandfather fought physical battles so they could live in their nice houses now.

[Iris]

13. well, at least they "evolved"

That's more than I can say for the cave-servative men!

What a bunch of dumb bull shit.

[Iris]

14. on second thought,

it would have been more honest had it said "devolved into women/childbearers". It would be more in keeping with their beliefs.

BTW - I loved your dental insurance example!

[RummyTheDummy]

16. Block him out on your e-mail

I've done that to people before and they don't even know it.

[Tight_rope]

21. LOL...Great Idea!

[Toots]

17. I think it is funny as hell

At least it is done with humor. It will be a real sad day when we can no longer laugh at ourselves. I wonder what those Conservatives did with us Liberals before we changed into women. I would also think their own women would be just a little pissed at them for grouping them in with us horrible Liberals.

[porkrind]

18. Perfect Reply

"The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches ..."

Here is your perfect reply ... :)

"Men by their constitutions are naturally divided into two parties: 1. Those who fear and distrust the people, and wish to draw all powers from them into the hands of the higher classes. 2. Those who identify themselves with the people, have confidence in them, cherish and consider them as the most honest and safe, although not the most wise depositary of the public interests. In every country these two parties exist, and in every one where they are free to think, speak, and write, they will declare themselves. Call them, therefore, Liberals and Serviles, Jacobins and Ultras, Whigs and Tories, Republicans and Federalists, Aristocrats and Democrats, or by whatever name you please, they are the same parties still and pursue the same object. The last one of Aristocrats and Democrats is the true one expressing the essence of all."

--Thomas Jefferson to Henry Lee, 1824.

---

Read about the Right-Wing "Master Plan": http://www.zmag.org/chomsky/sam/sam-contents.html

Have you read "War is a Racket"?: http://lexrex.com/enlightened/articles/warisaracket.htm

Read George Orwell's classic "1984" free online here: http://www.online-literature.com/orwell/1984

[DemBones DemBones]

19. Did you read about matcom's strategy for converting

Republicans into Democrats? He just got his 13th convert so he may be onto something here.

He e-mails news articles (not opinion pieces) that illustrate the bad stuff Bush* is doing. He doesn't add any comments. He doesn't stop sending them when someone says "Don't send me any more mail." He figures they will read it if he sends it.

I really like the Joe the Republican story but I like matcom's plan, too.

Good luck!

[noahmijo]

20. Well my father thinks Bush is too liberal so he hates him too

Therefore he's unchangable. The best I can hope for is that he doesn't buy into anymore than 50% of the bullshit.

[dietel]

22. that's just stupid

democratic party is the fun party. we got all the singers and hot looking actresses. they are trying to make republican party BOTH as beer drinkers and puritan christian fanatics, it just doesn't work