'I am returning my George W. Bush 'action figure''

[rhino91063]

Matt Little: 'I am returning my George W. Bush 'action figure''
Date: Monday, August 18 @ 10:17:59 EDT
Topic: Commander-In-Thief

By Matt Little, Kansas City Star

Dear Blue Box:

With great disappointment, I am returning the George W. Bush "action figure," which you will find enclosed in this package. I am seeking a full refund for this defective toy for the following reasons:

* Despite its billing as an action figure to pair up with my GI Joes, it was obviously not made to be a soldier. Never mind the lack of any scar on its face. The bigger problem is that I cannot find any weapons of mass destruction anywhere in the box. Heck, I can't find any weapons at all!

* When I pull the string to make it talk, the results are muffled and unintelligible or make no sense at all. Is this supposed to be some kind of rotten joke on your customers?

* Every time I turn the doll upside down and shake it, white powder comes out. What's with that?



* Even worse, my GI Joe dolls don't seem to like this one at all, and I'm beginning to understand why:

All last week, during the grueling sandbox battles in my backyard between my GI Joes and the hideous armies of Grog, the GW Bush doll was missing. I thought it was lost for good. But then, after my GI Joes won the day and made the sandbox safe again, there the Bush doll was, front and center, looking splendid and unruffled in pristine army fatigues. Evidently it'd been playing dress-up all week with my sister's Ken doll but was right there to take the credit for the GI Joe's victory.

My GI Joes are all saying that the GW Bush doll is stealing money out of their pockets and giving it to my sister's Ken and Barbie dolls. I didn't believe this at first, but this afternoon I spied a nice, new dollhouse in my sister's room and now I'm thinking it must be so.

I'm certain you can understand my desire to return this toy to you. Your quality control supervisor must be asleep on the job. Frankly, I don't know why you even produced this doll in the first place. If you value your reputation at all, you will recall it immediately.

All this is terrible, but the worst part of all is that this is not the doll I originally ordered! I carefully filled out the order form, yet the toy I received was not the one I expected. I wonder how many other customers ended up with a different "action figure" than the one they requested. I hope the rumor that you cannot correct this error for two more years is untrue.

Please either send me the action figure I ordered or refund my money. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Matt Little is a marketing, communications and design consultant who lives in Overland Park.

Reprinted from The Kansas City Star:

[RobertSeattle]

1. I love the MWO picture...

[Snellius]

6. I'll take a dozen

Seriously, put this into production and send the profits to the candidate of your choice.

[EOTE]

9. I second that....

I've got to get my hands on one (or several) of those. What a great fundraising idea.

[JackRiddler]

12. I like this one:

[muchacho]

2. har haaa!

Oh, my sides.

[Bandit]

3. "playing dress-up all week with my sister's Ken doll"

LOL True words if I ever heard any. I wouldn't be surprised if the extreme court makes him keep the doll and wrap it in a flag so the other Barbie dolls will think it's special.

[nannygoat]

7. That would be Ken Lay doll, right? n/t

[JackSwift]

4. It's not an action figure

it's a posing doll.

[Aristus]

5. "One positive piece of feedback I have for you:

The funny plastic head is just like the original! On this item, you didn't disappoint!"

[Richardo]

8. I'd only add "hollow" like the original...

:-)

[samsingh]

10. humor is an effective weapon

enjoyed this immensely.

[procopia]

11. I just found this article

and searched DU to see if it had been posted. Sure enough, I had missed it. I especially liked this reference to Gore:

"the worst part of all is that this is not the doll I originally ordered! I carefully filled out the order form, yet the toy I received was not the one I expected."

The only thing better was DUer's feedback--"Ken Lay doll...posing doll...plastic head...hollow..." Priceless!

[Bandit]

13. I thought it was more a reference to all Bush*'s lies not about Gore

I thought it was about Compassionate Conservative, Humble in Foreign Policy, Protect the Environment, You know all the things Bush* said to try and get elected but did the exact opposite once in power.

[procopia]

15. You could be right

Don't forget "uniter, not a divider." On second thought, he IS uniting the world against us.

[CatWoman]

14. damn this is funny

Thom Hartman read it on the air yesterday.

It's even funnier reading it.